ചിരിയുടെ നോവ്

ഞാൻ വെട്ടി ഒരുക്കിയ കാനനം നിനക്ക് നടവരമ്പുകൾ ആയി, 

കല്ലും മുള്ളും നിറഞ്ഞ പാതകളിൽ നിനക്കായി ഞാൻ മെതിയടികളായി. 

എന്റെ കയ്യിൻ തഴമ്പുകൾ നിന്റെ കൈകളെ മൃദുലമാക്കി, 

ആ കൈകൾ കൊണ്ട് നിന്റെ കുഞ്ഞിന്റെ മൃദുമേനിയിൽ നീ തലോടി. 

നീ മഴ നനഞ്ഞു കുളിരാതിരിക്കാൻ കുടയായി നീ എന്നെ ചൂടി, 

കത്തിയെരിയുന്ന ജീവിതത്തിലെ മീനമാസങ്ങളിൽ തൊണ്ട വരണ്ടപ്പോഴും, 

ഞാൻ ബാക്കി വെച്ച വെള്ളം നിനക്ക് ദാഹശമനി ആയി. 

അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ ഞാൻ കരുതിവച്ച പലതും നിന്റെ ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ സ്ഥിരനിക്ഷേപങ്ങൾ ആയി. 

എങ്കിലും പഴുത്തിലകൾ വീഴുമ്പോൾ പച്ചിലകൾ ചിരിച്ചു കൊണ്ടേയിരിക്കും, 

ഒരു നാൾ മാഞ്ഞുപോകുമെന്ന് അറിയാതെയുള്ള ചിരി...

എൻറെ ഹിമവാൻ

ചക്രവാളങ്ങൾ ചുട്ടെരിക്കുമൊരു ചുവപ്പു ഗോളം

അവൻറെ പോലും കണ്ണ് കെട്ടും ഒരു പ്രഭാപൂരം നീ.

ഹിമാലയത്തോളം എത്തുമായിരുന്നൊരാ ജീവിത നൗക നീ

സഹ്യന്റെ പാദാന്തികത്തിൽ വച്ച് വരിഞ്ഞ് കെട്ടി.

സ്വം എന്ന വാക്കിനർത്ഥം അറിയുമ്പോഴും

അഹം ഏതുമേ ഇല്ലാത്ത ഭാവം എന്നും.

ഒന്നുമില്ലായ്മയിൽ ഉരുകി തീരുമായിരുന്ന നീ

ഉള്ളായ്മകൾ കൊണ്ട് കോട്ടകൾ പടുത്തുയർത്തി.

ഗിരിശൃംഗങ്ങൾ ഒന്നൊന്നായി നിൻറെ മുന്നിൽ തല കുമ്പിടുമ്പോഴും

ശരണം വിളികൾ ഒന്നുപോലും ഉത്തരം കിട്ടാതെ ഒടുങ്ങിയിരുന്നില്ല.

ഇന്നെൻറെ ഓർമ്മകളിൽ ഹിമവാനെക്കാൾ വലുതായി നിൽക്കുന്ന നിനക്ക്, പേരൊന്ന് മാത്രം.

അച്ഛൻ!

The other side of the coin

We were on our first ever family trip to Europe! Though travelling along with a two year old and a six year old poses its own challenges, we decided to take the plunge. After a few days at Amsterdam and a short stop later at Cologne, we found ourselves on a train to Stuttgart in Germany. The journey was to be an average of three hours. We ensured to book seats for a section in the compartment designated for families especially with the little ones with us.

Kids as usual were super excited about every aspect of a vacation! They loved train rides especially and could feel their excitement in every new sight that came their way. Soon after the train left Cologne a pretty young lady came and sat near our area in the compartment. She had a book in her hand and a headset on one of her ears. As soon as she settled down, we could see her trying to catch-up with the reading. After a while I felt that she was not able to concentrate on the book, with the chatter of the kids. I could see her getting disturbed and I told our little ones to remain quiet.

The calm lasted a few moments as the excitement didn’t let them be seated for long. They were back in action shortly. So was the annoyance of the young lady. She tried to communicate through her glances and we tried without much luck to translate the message to the kids as well. The drama went on for a while.

As the train crossed half the distance we had to cover, the lady closed the book and looked at me. I could see rage burning in those eyes. She blurted out all her irritation on me and asked me to make the kids shut up.

Being a tourist in their country, I tried my best to remain composed and reminded her that she chose to sit at a designated family area and there is a limit to which you could keep the mouths shut of little children. I guess the message was delivered well. Shortly after that she moved to another area where she could bury her heads deeper into the world of imagination with her book.

We thought for ourselves that a trip that was to be full of beautiful memories might have been destined to end up with a bitter experience like this. While we were still trying to pacify ourselves, the train rolled on to the platform of Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof, the primary railway station in the city of Stuttgart. As I was taking out our luggage from the other end of the cabin I could see a middle-aged man approaching my wife and telling her something.

My wife and kids all got down from the train along with our stuff. I could see a glow on her face which did a wonderful job of removing the cloud of gloom that hung above her after the unpleasant incident on the train.

The man earlier told her, “Mam, I’m sorry for everything that happened between you and the young lady. Let her say anything she wanted, please don’t bother. You are blessed with two beautiful angels and I enjoyed every little sound made by your kids. They were music for my ears. The world cannot be deprived of such sheer joy. God bless your family!”

The rest of our trip was one where we could only find positivity all around us! 

The Second Chance

‘Ayyappanum Koshiyum’ is a recent Malayalam movie that got released starring Prithviraj Sukumaran and Biju Menon. Soon after the movie got released, a controversy started doing rounds about one of the scenes in the movie. This is the scene where Koshi, the character played by Prithviraj slaps his wife.

Later when a journalist questioned Prithvi on him going back on an earlier promise he made, of never acting in scenes that are outrageous to a woman, he made a very interesting remark. He mentioned that this was the only way to factually represent a problem that exists in our society today even when the parties involved are highly educated. What was even more fascinating was the statement that followed. He said ‘Kannamma’ the character who is the wife of ‘Ayyappan’ hailing from a lesser educated background would’ve walked out of the marriage if it ever happened to her.

You might have guessed where I’m heading to, with this narration. If the guess is that I’ll be touching upon the importance of giving due respect to the women, then guess again! It isn’t that the topic is less important. On the contrary it is one of the most critical topics to be discussed in any forum that talks about relationships. But enough and more has been said about it. Hence I want to focus on the possibility of a second chance each one is capable of giving the other in a relationship.

How often have you ended up in a situation where you misbehaved with your partner to an extent that you made him or her feel that it is not worth living with you anymore? The affected party in such situations have two options ahead. The easier option will be to decide that your partner is not worth to share your life with even for another day. Quite a few take this decision and find the ‘easy way out’ of the relationship. But I really want to talk about the others who take up the more challenging option and lead themselves as well as their partner to a more meaningful life in future.

Option two is where you give a second chance to the one who inflicted pain in you. Definitions can be very relative when it comes to severity of mistakes committed to you by your partner. A slap on a face could be an unpardonable offence for someone whereas for others it is pardonable once if they see hope at the end of the tunnel.

Most of the couples in their early years of relationship are truly in a state of ignorance about each other. You will really know someone only when you start sharing the same roof. This state of ignorance, especially during the initial days, leads to behaviours that may easily be misunderstood as non-compatibility by both parties. This is where a second chance stands crucial. It is absolutely essential to realize that these initial misunderstandings, if amicably resolved on time, will lead to something very beautiful.

Still doubtful? Ask this question to any of your loved ones who had been married for a few years. During the initial years of marriage were there incidents that made them believe that they had to call it quits? Ask them if they could even imagine taking the first option and if so what would’ve happened? I am pretty sure the answer will be all the beautiful moments they experienced together as a couple till date happened only because either of them gave a second chance to the other.

Giving a second chance to your partner isn’t a bad thing but it is equally important that the recipient learns to respect this decision. It requires mutual effort to ensure that the second chance is utilized in its right spirit and more importantly understand that there isn’t a third chance!

May you have the grace to provide a second chance to a loved one, if required and the ability to accept the fact that you are now given an opportunity to make things better! 

The Fragrance

This was a few years before India started to hear words such as globalization and liberalisation. For a school going kid, a visit from an NRI uncle and family in Gulf had the excitement similar or even more than the annual feast at the local church.

Starting from preparations to receive the family to getting up at odd hours and waiting impatiently to get into a Tempo Traveller to head to the airport, obtaining the pass to the visitor’s gallery at the airport, rushing to find a suitable spot in the gallery, the anticipation of arriving aircraft, opening of the doors, counting the passengers getting down one by one and finally sighting the familiar faces of uncle and family, all contributed to the greatest experience of the year!

The icing on the cake was seeing the number of large bags uncle brought with him since everything about those bags was new to the pre-globalization eyes of a school going kid. As soon as we reached home, the baggage were promptly taken to the room that awaited their visit. Soon enough the whole room will have a very unique fragrance, the likes of which only comes with an NRI Gulf family of those times!

The days ahead will be filled with surprises after surprises. The joy of receiving a gift, the happiness of seeing things beyond your imagination and the overall experience of being with someone who crossed the proverbial seven seas were all adding to the experience.

A month will fly by and soon it will be time for uncle and family to return to their NRI status. I hated the trips to airport to see off someone, nevertheless I did go many times. Through tearful eyes we bid goodbye. It was a heart breaking moment to stand on the same viewer’s gallery and watch the aircraft take off.

You return home and try to relive the happy moments in the now empty room. All that remains is the fragrance from the bags that were in the room.

James Mukkadan, my uncle, who gifted me all those priceless moments is no longer with us as he joined the Creator earlier today (27 Nov 2019), for a well-deserved eternal life. He leaves behind a great legacy.

I now realize something more important. Uncle, what you left behind in that empty room was not just the fragrance from your bags. It is a whole lot of memories that you created with your genuine love and care. You will be deeply missed and remembered forever! 

Can you cry in the office?

I recently attended a farewell party of a colleague. To say it was quite an emotional event will be an understatement. Words of gratitude flowed, but what flowed even more were tears. A few women whom I’ve appreciated for their boldness and super strong personalities were crying like babies during the farewell. I could see empathy on a few faces that stood around whereas very few even scorned at them. Hugs and kisses were galore as tissue boxes were replaced one after the other. Emotions were doing a crazy roller coaster ride during the day.

A few people took efforts to pacify those who couldn’t stop their tears. But there were a couple of them who even went to the extent of asking those who cry to hold their tears and be brave. A bunch of questions came to my mind. Is it ok to cry in office? Are tears a sign of weakness? Do you really need to be stone faced when exposed to a barrage of emotions? If you are close to your colleague, is it ok to shed a few tears when he or she says goodbye to you as they move on in their career?

The answer is quite simple. Look at ourselves. Office or otherwise we are human beings made of flesh and blood. We have an extremely complicated mind that is subject to a wide variety of emotions, day in and day out. As part of a corporate culture, many a times we define a boundary for expressing our emotions while in office or among the colleagues. This leads to a situation for most of us where we contain our emotions deep down in our mind and do not let it go.

Blessed are those who could open up and expose themselves in front of their colleagues irrespective of the dictated norms of the corporate life. Tears in this case, I’ll say, are an absolute sign of strength, since you’ve been strong enough not to care about the eyes that scan you for your social behaviour in an office.

For those who choose not to cry, it isn’t a bad thing either. It could be your personality that do not let you go off your emotions when they truly start to build up in you. Where it goes wrong is when you are indeed overwhelmed with emotions and yet you build a dam in your mind to stop those tears from falling with a pseudo belief in the social norms.

Blessed are those who could let go off the rules that tie you down with social taboos and instead hug a colleague who is bidding adieu about whom you genuinely care. Being strong does not mean being mean. You could still be strong or stronger by expressing your genuine emotions whether you are with your family or with your colleagues.

Lend your ears to the human being within you and tell yourself that it is absolutely ok to cry, even if it is in office!

Times when you failed me… my love!

Close to a decade of bachelorhood, away from my family,

A new person, a new life and I started complaining about ‘My Space’.

That’s when you taught me the feeling of togetherness,

And failed me first time… with your love!

When petty differences started to show up,

And silly fights soon became my second name.

That’s when you taught me the power of walking the same path,

And failed my ego… with your love!

Then came the toughest of tests in our life,

Where I lost all my hope and was destined to flop.

That’s when I saw the angel in you,

Who failed my despair… with your true love!

Soon enough my career hit a roadblock,

And struggling seems to be the only way of life.

You stepped in again and showed me the path out,

And failed my anguish… with your love!

Time and again I proved to be difficult,

Losing my temper among many other things.

To your full credit, you held the fort together,

And failed my qualms… totally with your love!

Promise I do, again and again,

To happily fail for you, all through my life.

If and only if, that true and pure heart of yours,

Continue to fail me in your love, forever!

Flashback Funda

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2018

The scene reminded you of day one of battle of Kurukshetra. The royal family was at war. The only difference compared to Kurukshetra is that, the opponents are the king and the queen themselves. Both are ready with their army fully equipped with weapons. Infantry, cavalry and artillery are all summoned. Even the mightiest of the weapons including ‘Brahmastra’ will be available to be deployed if required. Both the king and the queen are fuming with rage. A mighty war is about to begin!

All of a sudden comes a sage cutting right through the battalions that are all set to fire their weapons at each other. He is carrying a huge canvas on which he projects one after the other, every single moment of happiness the king and queen spent together. Right from the days before they became one, through their courtship, into their lovely marriage and their beautiful children, all unravels in front of their eyes.

The fuming faces slowly reains the lost emotion of love. With every passing image, the anger that was deep down got pushed aside by the soft and gentle feelings. By the time the projection ended the king and the queen were looking at each other in their eyes. They reached out and hugged each other not realizing that their army of millions have been replaced with a beautiful bed of red roses!

Now, bring the above scene to your homes. Replace the king and the queen with you and your sweetheart. An argument or two led the both of you to face each other to be battle ready. Your arsenal is prepared automatically with all the reasoning in the world to sling mud at each other. You even kept the secret Brahmastra ready, the one complaint that you’ve been hiding deep down in your mind which you never bothered to open up and speak with your partner.

So who is the sage that comes in between? That’s none other than your emotional intelligence that you need to apply in such a situation. Take a step back and probably with some efforts try to bring into your mind all those beautiful moments that you spent with your loved one till date. One after the other let your mind be in a slideshow mode that projects all the awesome memories you cherish.

Voila! You’ll be surprised to know that you no longer are in a mood to fight. What is even better is that you have found a way to work around the argument that led to the bitter mood earlier. This is nothing but the ‘flashback funda’!

We live in a world filled with a lot negative emotions. It is quite natural that we could get influenced by many of them in our daily lives. Knowingly or otherwise these come up between you and your sweetheart on a daily basis. Many a times these lead to arguments and eventually an exchange of heated words or a complete silence for a duration that’s not known.

When we are mentally ‘at a state of war’ it is quite difficult to think of alternate options to bring back the peace in our lives. That’s exactly why we need to put our minds through an exercise that is guaranteed to work wonders. Your momentary anger could be nothing compared to the magnitude of happiness you experienced till date in your life. It is important not to let that anger spoil the value of happiness you invested in your relationship.

Who doesn’t like to look at an album filled with wonderful images from the past? These are moments that we preserved for future. These are the slices of life that we want to go back and live again. That’s exactly what flashback funda proposes to you. When you are at a point where you think life is not fair, bring back your memories and remind yourself, this is just a passing phase. Life had been fair to you indeed and that exactly is the reason you enjoy what you have now.

May you have the wisdom to press the pause button on an imminent ‘war’ and the prudence to bring back to your minds the moments of celebration from the past. This is guaranteed to sustain the peace in our families and allow us to enjoy our life the way it should be.

God bless!

Pappam or Papam?

One of the most recent debates that is taking rounds in the social media during March 2018 is attributed to a cover photo on a Malayalam magazine. Published from Kerala, the southernmost state in India, portrays a mother who is feeding her baby and has a tagline that says “Moms to Kerala: Don’t stare, we need to breastfeed”.

The girl in the picture is in fact a model who posed with the baby of a mother who was also present during the photoshoot. The big question that is trending now is, ‘Was she / magazine right in doing this’? There are quite a few supporters as well as critics for the assignment taken up by the young model.

The more I think about this debate, two words in Malayalam come to my mind. First one is ‘Pappam’ a term which babies use to denote the most natural feeding bottle available in the world. Second one is ‘Papam’ which means ‘sin’.

It is quite a strange situation that a simple organ in human body is looked at with such a wide spectrum of meanings. What is stranger is the fact that, sheer perception of human beings is what gives one the most innocent and an almost divine aspect whereas the other makes it an object that precipitates a state of a sin being committed that the society almost considers it a taboo!

A baby says ‘Pappam’ and look forward to the mother for quenching her hunger. The act by which the mother and baby becomes one again, is probably the only time after the umbilical cord gets severed. It is an experience something short of being one with God where you take part in sustenance of life on Earth!

The other side of debate borders around topics of sexuality and societal norms that demands women to cover their chest while feeding or otherwise. It is quite interesting to observe that not long ago, when caste system prevailed, there was a revolt in the state of Kerala among the lower castes fighting for their right to cover their chest!

Back to the big question, what is right? I doubt if we’ll ever get a single answer. What is the right thing to do when the same object is perceived by some as a symbol of selfless love and others as eternal icon of lust?

We’ve both sets of people around us and hence I think it is wise to leave it to the prudence of mothers to apply their judgement on what to do when they’ve to feed their little ones. You’ve a million pairs of eyes staring at your chest, of which some are of babies whereas others definitely not; both with an intention to satisfy hunger, with totally different perspectives!

Love your baby & stay safe!

Neeleshwaram Effect

A cousin's wedding took us to Neeleshwaram, a small town in the Northernmost district of Kasargod in Kerala. We reached on the wedding eve and the next day was quite a happening one. 

By evening, after the wedding, we got back to the lodge where we stayed and I went out to buy some water. Also wanted to see if I could get some tea for all of us. Found a bakery where I got the water bottles. Since there were more than six of us at the hotel I checked with them if I could get tea as a take away item. 

All what I was expecting was to get tea in disposable cups with lids. Then came the twist. 

The shop was run by an elderly lady and her daughter. The lady asked me where I stayed. When she learned about our stay at the nearby lodge she filled a flask and another vessel with tea and also packed half a dozen glass tumblers along with it! There was more to this surprising customer service. 

When I suggested disposable cups, her response was that, tea won't taste good in plastic cups and insisted that I take the glass ones itself! She even sent one guy to help us carry these things back to the place where we stayed.

The tea tasted very good and later I promptly returned the flask and all to the shop. When they took the items back they even asked me to visit Neeleshwaram again to explore this place better.

Needless to say, it was one of the best customer service I've ever experienced in my life. All what I wish is the world to have more people like these to spread genuine selflessness so that we are surrounded with love than hatred! 

Two minutes of silence!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - June 2017

A while ago in one of the articles, I’d mentioned about an advice my boss gave me about life after marriage. When I shared my apprehensions about getting married, he said, “Jerry, getting married is nothing! The moment you become a dad or mom; that is what I’ll call a game changer! Rest everything is pretty simple!”

His advice definitely took shape when we became parents for the first time. It didn’t stop there. We hardly knew what we were signing up for when we became parents again! If having a child was a game changer, having two kids is a whole different game altogether!

The two little brats, a five year old boy and a little girl who is yet to turn two, make our home buzzing with activities that seem to be going on for almost 24/7. There is something or other happening around us all the time. The house is filled with the noises of their fights, their cries, their toys and what not. It is a war zone daily out there and many of the days, my wife and I have reached our heights of patience and it is indeed a wonder that our sanity still clings to its dear life!

While things were going on like this, one weekend I was about to have my breakfast. It was corn flakes that day and our little girl came running to me for her share. As usual I gave her a spoonful of the cereal. I usually mix my cereal with some healthy nuts and dry fruits to make it richer. After a few more spoons she stopped asking me for more. Instead she suddenly appeared to be tired and showed signs of being sleepy. It looked so strange since she just woke up only a few minutes back from a very sound sleep. Little did we know that a spine-chilling drama was about to unfold!

She soon started yawning and we continued to wonder what’s wrong. A few more minutes went by before we realized that there could be a portion of nuts or so stuck in her throat. We tried our basic understanding of how to deal with such situation, but with no results. The baby started showing signs of weariness.

Soon enough her eyes started rolling up which definitely is a sign of danger. We tried our best, to check if she can spit out anything at all that may be stuck in her throat. Finally we decided that keeping her at home will make things worse and quickly got ready to drive her down to the nearby hospital. That very moment she started coughing very badly and it was soon followed by her throwing up what she had including half a piece of a walnut!

Immediately after this, our little girl was back in action. All her tiredness and sleepiness seem to have disappeared into thin air. The yawning and rolling of eyes gave way to non-stop activities and lighting speed tactics. Having said that, the two minutes when she was almost near the bridge that connects this world with the other, was a defining moment for us. It was indeed an eye-opener.

We realized that our house was unusually quite during those two minutes. The usual hustle and bustle was suddenly missing. There were no longer cries of happiness, instead was only cursed with an eerie silence! The running behind the kids was replaced with a frantic run for saving a precious life. We longed for her to do something mischievous so that we can see her naughty smile when scolded, instead we only saw a pair of eyes that was soon losing its brightness. We saw doom coming!

What happened next was something we strongly believe as the intervention from a super-natural being. The cough she started having was God send which resulted in her throwing up the piece of walnut that was stuck deep down in her throat. We were so fortunate to have our little one back to her normal life soon!

It was a lesson learned, a very painful one indeed. The incident taught us not to wait for the silence from our dear ones to realize how important they are. What we many a times perceive as noise is in fact the sweetest of music from them, provided we learn to train ourselves to listen to it. 

May the good God bless us with the providence to realize such music in life and appreciate every note of it! 

The Nail!

For a three year old kid, his dad’s workshop has always been a place of fantasy. His dad is well-known locally for the wooden sculptures he has created and many of them decorate the living rooms of the rich in that small town. The carpentry shop having quite a few sharp tools, his mom was always concerned about his safety. She used to keep a watch on him lest he’ll end up doing something mischievous.

That was just another day and in between the playing sessions at the workshop, the mom saw her son opening a can of long nails that was to be used for a specific wood work. She screamed at the kid not to touch those sharp nails, but by the time she reached him he already managed to get a tiny cut and a small stream of blood started flowing out!

She was all scared to see the blood oozing out and immediately tried some first aid to stop the blood flow. The next natural thing followed when she asked the kid, “Haven’t I told you son not to play with these sharp nails? See how you have hurt yourself now!”

The mom looked at him again and there it was! He had that unique look on his face which has been disturbing her for a while now. Every time he has that look it was as if he is seeing the future and she was right!

He was seeing thirty years ahead when a similar long nail will pierce through his palm and will be on a cross with his mom standing right below not able to help him in anyway! 

The Lost Love!

She stayed in the corner of that house which was dark most of the times. Though surrounded by many known faces, she lived in constant pain of loneliness. It has been months since she lost her sweetheart. One day he just vanished leaving no trace at all! They were always together and had travelled to faraway lands. He ensured that she stayed right next to him all the time during each such trip.

No one really could console her since there was no news at all about him. The modern world was mocked at, for all its advanced technology and communication. None of that could find her love and bring him back to her. She cried in silence mostly during the nights and during the day, she’ll sit idle remembering the good old days when they were together.

Here is the irony of life! Not too far from where she stays, in a completely messy house, deep down in the cellar was lying her sweetheart gasping for his breath! He got locked in this dungeon from where there seems to be no escape. He could hear the wailing from his dear one but was absolutely overpowered by the mighty forces above him.

When all hopes seem to have ended, one day he started feeling the pressure on him getting reduced. The forces that tie him down seem to be getting lighter. With each passing day the chamber where he was held a captive was getting filled with fresh air and good light. Finally a day came when he was freed up from the clutches. The first thing he did was to get a perfect hot water bath. He then got himself dried in the sun which was denied to him for all these days!

Finally, one of the grey socks lost deep down in the laundry basket was united with his love who was sitting all alone in the cupboard for the last few months.

They lived happily ever after…

Artist Vs Butcher

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2016

“Happiness is not the absence of problems; it's the ability to deal with them.” This is a quote by Dr. Steve Maraboli, a life-changing speaker. I was trying to find a good quote for the topic and guess this one fits the bill perfectly.

Life presents itself with a bunch of challenges every day for each one of us, one way or other. There will be nobody alive in this world without having to deal with some or other kind of challenge on a daily basis. Like Steve says, the ability to deal with them decides how happy you are in your life. Have you ever given it a thought of how you deal with challenges in your life?

It is quite interesting to think the way we react when a new challenge is presented to us. Do you generally spend time to understand the issue and try to resolve it or are you quite reactive in solving the problem? This is what will determine if you are an artist or a butcher in your approach towards addressing the problems in life.

If you’ve ever been to a butcher in a market or a meat shop you might have seen how ruthless he is with the meat. The meat is shredded into pieces within minutes of taking the order from you. There isn’t much of a thought process that goes into the activity and within no time you’ve a solution packed in front of you. Many of us are like this butcher. When presented with a challenge we just take the ‘knife of solution’ and shred the problem right away into tiny pieces without much of an afterthought. We don’t even bother to think what could be the possible impact of such decisions. Solutions thus reached are bound to create further problems than resolving it for good.

Now, think about a painter or any other kind of an artist. The first quality you’ll notice in artistic people is ‘patience’. It is this virtue that allows them to spend enough time as required to complete a work of art. This very unique trait in artists is what differentiates an excellent art work from the rest of the art works in the world. We do see people around us who face their challenges with an artistic approach. They are the ones who will first try to think what the challenge is and what are the possible ways of finding a solution for this. They have this distinctive ability to think beyond the obvious and possibly understand the impact of their decisions. They create solutions which actually solve the problem rather than creating new ones out of the solution itself!

It is quite easy to check which category you belong to. Take a few moments and think about the last challenge you had in your life. This could be something as recent as today or yesterday when you tried to solve a problem. Ask yourself what was the approach you took? Were you an artist or a butcher? 

Most often you’ll realize that the decisions you’ve taken in the capacity of a ‘butcher’ had a short life and created new challenges for you. On the other hand the ‘artist’ in you would’ve come up with a more concrete solution for a problem resulting in nothing but happiness.

Remind yourself to be an artist especially when you are sharing your life with someone to ensure that you take decisions in your life together. Just like a sweet memory you’ve framed and hung on your wall, may the decisions you take in your life be as beautiful for you to remember with happiness. Keep away your ‘knife of solution’ and take up the paint brush instead. Try not to chop away a single problem to multiple pieces, instead make a lovely painting of solution out of the whole problem by wearing the hat of an artist.

May the good God bless you with the prowess of an artist to resolve the challenges! Life indeed is beautiful! 

The Unknown Love

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Sep 2015

After a couple of years into our marriage, my wife and I were blessed with our first child, a healthy baby boy. As young parents we had our own apprehensions on how to raise him as a responsible human being and what will take us to do that. During those days, my sweetheart made one suggestion which totally changed the way I now experience the love of our little one. The suggestion was that I need to take my son along with me each time I go out for something, even for the smallest of the tasks such as buying groceries.

Managing a two year old alone was quite a daunting task and I was not really happy to have the little fellow accompany me every time I went out. The naughtiness in him only grew with time and it became even more of a challenge to manage him. Days and months went by and it became a norm that every time I announce that I’m going out to get something, our little guy will automatically head to the wardrobe to be ready to go out with me. This became a practice so much so that, the only time he couldn’t join me was when I head to my office and when I go out to get a haircut. Given a choice he would’ve been with me at the saloon at least!

I soon had a major realization. My short trips outside our home are extremely boring without him. I now wait for him to finish whatever he does; it could be a meal or a bath, to join me before stepping out of the house. It won’t be an exaggeration to say that I could scoop out his excitement to go out along with me and the happiness only seem to multiply each time we went out.

I also figured out that this is all the more important for kids like him who grow up in a country far away from his homeland where the opportunities of mingling with your near and dear ones are relatively lesser. You miss a lot of family functions and gatherings which naturally would’ve been an opportunity for you to meet people and socialize.

There was something else that was even more important with all these experience. My son spends considerable amount of time with his mom by virtue of having her available at home. But these times when we go out together are some of the most valuable moments I get to spend with him as a dad. A child needs the attention from both the parents. What he learns from his mom makes only a part of his life as a human being complete. He also needs to learn how the male of the species thinks and acts. That’s when the learning makes a complete circle.

If you have ever observed lion cubs, you’ll see an interesting mix. Things are a bit different in the world of a lion pride. The females are the ‘bread winners’ usually. They do the hunting primarily. The male lions are entrusted with the protection of the territorial boundaries and the pride itself. Any intrusion is met with extreme aggression, safeguarding the ‘kingdom’ and the resources within it to ensure survival. The cubs learn from both and that’s how they grow up to be the kings and queens of the jungle!

At times when I look back, I really dread to think how much of a terrible mistake it would’ve been if I had not taken him out and help him know the world. Expose him to the tremendous opportunities with first-hand learning and not just by being glued to the TV or the world of internet. He needs to see the actual world and as parents we realized the responsibility to show him that.

It was a beautiful journey to say the least! When apprehension gave way to acceptance; when reluctance was pushed aside by responsibility… We now experience a very special bond of a father and a son. We together thank the lady of the house for making that decision for us.

It was an unknown love and when realized we now hold it so close to our hearts! It makes us raise a toast to life itself!

God bless you all to realize these hidden jewels of love in your lives too! 

Security Encounter!

A few months back I was at a shopping center with my wife and my three year old son. While she was looking around a store, my son and I went for a quick stroll. We walked through the reception area of the building where a coin-operated massage chair was placed. There was a payment kiosk for a bunch of service providers next to the massage chair. While I was getting a massage done for myself, my little one started exploring the kiosk.

After a few moments I saw the security guard at the reception walking towards my son. I was sort of 'trapped' on the massage chair and was watching the scene with caution! He came next to my boy and started looking at him with a lot of interest. I could see his gleaming eyes and a tiny smile on his face. My son, oblivious of a stranger looking at him continued to check out the various buttons on the kiosk.

After a few moments, I was released from the clutches of the massage chair and I promptly got up. The security guy looked at me and smiled. I was still not sure what his intention was and so I returned the smile though with an element of suspicion. He looked at my son again and asked me, "Sir, how old is your little one?"

I replied, "He turned three last December".

He then asked me a few more questions about my son. He wanted to know about his schooling, playtime activities and a few other things. I answered him, though was not feeling very comfortable with these questions being asked. I felt an intrusion to our privacy.

I was almost ready to take my son away from the scene since I was getting worked up with these queries. That's when the man spoke again. The next statement he said disarmed me totally.

"Sir, I'm from Pakistan and it has been two years since I went back home. I left home on my son's first birthday. When I saw your little one I was wondering how mine will be looking like now."

I was speechless and soon my eyes got welled up. I took my son out and this time it wasn't because I was uncomfortable with the security guard, but because I didn't want him to see me in tears.

Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!