The Jewel of My Life

Many years ago, during my college time, one day my mom and I was having a casual conversation about life in general. When the topic came to married life, mom said, ‘Marriage is a like buying a lottery ticket. If you are lucky, you will get a good partner’.

This was early 90’s in Kerala when arranged marriages were pretty much the way of life. The concept was quite strange for people from Western world when they heard that you could marry someone without falling in love first. Quite sure it still sounds the same but let us say it was a way of life. We found happiness in discovering love together and since both parties involved heavily invested their time and effort for such a beautiful discovery, most of the times the result was cherished quite well.

A few years later, by the time calendar was nearing the end of 2009, I treaded the same path and took a lottery ticket myself. Our initial days were in Bangalore where we started setting up our life together. The process of discovery was not easy I must admit. There were many things we did not know each other and every day we figured out something new about ourselves. Not all findings were pleasant while there were adorable ones that kept us going.

As we look back, we realize that we have replaced the calendars sixteen times and the biggest realization we have today is that we are still discovering each other, all the while enjoying the feeling of being in love! If someone told us this in 2009, I am certain that neither of us would have believed that.

Having said that, this post is not just about love. It is also about the moments when the love of my life was instrumental in decisions we had taken together in life that defined our future. All such decisive moments now feel like glorious chapters of our past.

Be it, shaking myself out of my comfort zone and making me believe that I can take on a new challenge, or staying together while crossing the seas and settling in a new country, or jointly rowing our family boat while adding two tiny bundles of joy during the last decade and half, or motivating me to venture into unknown territories outside work and proving to me again that the limit I can stretch is not even the sky, and above everything else, being there as the calm during all storms we endured and pushing herself in believing in me more than what I believe in myself, this ladies and gentlemen is the true reason for the post.

As we celebrate Valentine's week, I want to acknowledge the real leadership that reminds me everything that I knew I could do, but more importantly empowers me to believe that I could do much more. It all happened with that one lottery I took way back in 2009.

Today, I want to tell my mom, I was lucky not just to win the bumper prize, but it was a priceless gem that destiny had kept in store for me. It must be a sheer coincidence that her name is Ruby!

Authority of Love

The other day I happened to hear a story. Quite a funny one, which I am sure most of you would have heard before. Here it is:

One day, a class teacher wanted to help her children understand the difference between authority and absolute authority. Mat, a smart chap raised his hand and said, ‘Authority is when my father tells us children what exactly are we supposed to do.’

The teacher was impressed and said, ‘Very good Mat. Now can you tell us what absolute authority means?’

Without even a bit of hesitation Mat replied, ‘Absolute authority is when my mother tells my father what he should be telling the children on what they are supposed to do!’

While the humour is quite evident, there is a stronger emotion that runs in every family where you see this happening. It is not the position that drives authority, it is the deep respect and love for each other that a father and mother in a family portrays to their children. The kids may or may not understand the nuances of this love while they are small, but eventually they will get this and learn to appreciate the ways of a family.

Come to think of it, the way authority works in the corporate world is not too different. It goes without saying that there is an inherent authority associated to a person’s title or a position in an organization. But what is interesting is the fact that authority alone does not command respect.

I was fortunate to work with some of the leaders who earned tremendous amount of respect from their teams, not just because their title demanded it, but because they decided to showcase their love in the form of empathy above authority. When you have bosses like that, you will give a hundred percent of yourself and at times maybe even more since you just love them for what they are and not what is written against their designation.

I consider myself equally fortunate to have worked with a few managers who belonged to the other side of the fence for whom authority meant absolutely that and nothing else. I remember them, not because I admire their ways of working, but kept that experience close to my heart so that it constantly reminds me of how not to be a leader like them!

If you consider yourself as someone with authority and next time your team agrees to do something for you, ask yourself this question. Are they responding to your authority with love or is it just absolute authority and nothing else?

Sweet 16!

A few weeks back, Ruby and I celebrated sixteen beautiful years of being together. I got a special gift for her for our anniversary. Unlike the previous years, this time I went a little beyond the usual and got her a limited-edition gift. I reached home and after a bit of drama, I presented the gift in style, at least that was what I thought. As soon as she had a glimpse of the box, realization set in. It took a while for her to settle down the emotions that took off for a roller coaster ride. As she opened the box, I could see her eyes getting wider with what she saw inside.

The sheer fact that it was possibly the most expensive gift I had got for her, the shrewd finance manager she was, obviously had a complex calculation running in her sharp brain. Now at this juncture, I need to make a statement which for some people may be politically incorrect. Nevertheless, it is a proven fact that the human brains are differently wired between male and female of the species.

For the men folks, a purchase decision may involve a simple combination of two factors, liking a product and the love for the person to whom the gift is purchased. Budget did matter but was not the highest priority. For women, these and many more factors (I wish I knew everything to list down here!) did matter when they decide to buy a gift as well as assess the return on investment against the purchase made. Please do not get me wrong, I am not referring to only high value items, even the tiniest of the gift will also go through a round of analysis as mentioned above.

Since it was indeed an item of elevated price tag, I had received the guarantee from the shop guys that my wife will return or exchange it if she wished to do so. Those were the kind of agreements that eventually turned out to be lifesaving decisions. The anniversary evening thus ended on a happy note.

A couple of days ago, I happened to visit a local store where I picked up a Tulsi plant, a medicinal herb. While the shop owner was packing the plant, I happened to notice a garland made of freshly bloomed jasmine flowers. It did not even take a fraction of a moment for me to ask him to get me a small portion of the garland since I knew Ruby liked it. To state a fact, the cost of the garland was even less than the price of a coffee from any standard barista in a decent shopping mall.

I reached home and after placing the plant pot down, I presented the jasmine garland to my sweetheart. This time again, I could see her eyes brighten up and was filled with an avalanche of emotions. Those were quite different from the ones I experienced a few days back when an expensive gift was presented. I stood there and tried to absorb the depth of unexplainable chemical reactions happening in her neurons.

The happiness that tiny bunch of flowers generated was far beyond the dazzling piece of gift presented a few days ago. Life is indeed unreal! It up as an absolutely beautiful evening for both of us. The next day she told me how she could still feel the fragrance of jasmine lingering around and the many memories it brought back from her school and college days.

It was a wonderful reminder for me about how we kept finding happiness in simple things in life. Something that helped us walk hand in hand in the last sixteen years together. Happiness is not found only in things that dazzle. It is also the small things in life where the fragrance of love lingers forever.

Here is an honest wish from both of us to all the beautiful couples out there who live life in the simplest possible manner and present each other with eternal gift of love! 

എൻറെ ഹിമവാൻ

ചക്രവാളങ്ങൾ ചുട്ടെരിക്കുമൊരു ചുവപ്പു ഗോളം

അവൻറെ പോലും കണ്ണ് കെട്ടും ഒരു പ്രഭാപൂരം നീ.

ഹിമാലയത്തോളം എത്തുമായിരുന്നൊരാ ജീവിത നൗക നീ

സഹ്യന്റെ പാദാന്തികത്തിൽ വച്ച് വരിഞ്ഞ് കെട്ടി.

സ്വം എന്ന വാക്കിനർത്ഥം അറിയുമ്പോഴും

അഹം ഏതുമേ ഇല്ലാത്ത ഭാവം എന്നും.

ഒന്നുമില്ലായ്മയിൽ ഉരുകി തീരുമായിരുന്ന നീ

ഉള്ളായ്മകൾ കൊണ്ട് കോട്ടകൾ പടുത്തുയർത്തി.

ഗിരിശൃംഗങ്ങൾ ഒന്നൊന്നായി നിൻറെ മുന്നിൽ തല കുമ്പിടുമ്പോഴും

ശരണം വിളികൾ ഒന്നുപോലും ഉത്തരം കിട്ടാതെ ഒടുങ്ങിയിരുന്നില്ല.

ഇന്നെൻറെ ഓർമ്മകളിൽ ഹിമവാനെക്കാൾ വലുതായി നിൽക്കുന്ന നിനക്ക്, പേരൊന്ന് മാത്രം.

അച്ഛൻ!

വേരുകൾ

ഇടവപ്പാതി പല തവണ തകർത്തു പെയ്തു,

പഞ്ഞ കർക്കിടകം പലവട്ടം തല കാണിച്ചു.

മീനമാസ സൂര്യൻ പല ആണ്ടുകളെ വെന്തുരുക്കി,

എങ്കിലും ആ വൻമരം അവിടെ നിന്നു, വേരുകൾ ഉറപ്പിച്ചു തന്നെ.

തായ് തടിയും ശാഖകളും ഉപ ശാഖകളും,

പച്ചിലകളും പഴങ്ങളും, പ്രകൃതി കനിഞ്ഞു നൽകപ്പെട്ട മഹാമേരു.

ആ വൻ മരത്തോട്, ഒരിക്കൽ ഞാൻ ചോദിച്ചു, 'അല്ലയോ മഹാത്മാവേ എങ്ങനെ ഇങ്ങനെ ജീവിക്കുന്നു, എന്തിനീ നിസ്വാർത്ഥത?'

ഉത്തരം വളരെ ലളിതം.

'ജീവിക്കുക, നിനക്കും നിൻറെ കുടുംബത്തിനും വേണ്ടി.

കുടുംബം എന്നത് സമൂഹവും,

സമൂഹം എന്നത് രാജ്യവും ആണെന്ന ബോധ്യം ഉണ്ടാവുക.

നന്മകൾ മാത്രം ചെയ്യുക, തിന്മകൾ നിരൂപിക്കാതിരിക്കുക.

പരോപകാരം പുണ്യമായി കരുതുക, അത് നാലു പേർ അറിയാതെ ചെയ്യുക.

സ്നേഹം ഒരു സത്യമാണെന്ന് അറിയുക,

ആ സത്യത്തിന് അളവുകോൽ നൽകാതിരിക്കുക.

ജീവിതം മുഴുവനായിത്തന്നെ ജീവിക്കുക, 

മരണം വന്നു വിളിക്കുമ്പോൾ പുഞ്ചിരിയോടെ കടന്നുപോവുക.'

ആ വൻ മരം ഇന്നില്ല, 

പക്ഷേ പഠിപ്പിച്ച പാഠങ്ങളൊക്കെയും മനസ്സിൽ നിലനിൽക്കുന്നു, 

ആഴത്തിൽ വേരൂന്നി തന്നെ! 

A Chilling Farewell

It was past midnight and Dubai was at the fag end of the scorching summer on the 27th day of October 2014. My son had not turned three and was a bit restless that night which kept both Ruby, my wife and me awake. It was a period in between our little one’s disturbed sleep due to some uneasiness that was troubling him. Since I could not sleep, I tried to make effective use of the time by putting my thoughts into a story and started with that on my laptop.

I was halfway into the story and our clock tried telling me it is quite an unearthly hour with the small needle touching the number one. Nevertheless, I continued with my attempt to write. A few minutes later, Ruby came by asking if I am not sleeping since the light was on in the hall where I was seated.

I told her, I shall join soon, but for some strange reason I was getting a bit too cold unusually. I requested my sweetheart to check the thermostat of AC, which was working all well. She said everything is fine and asked if I am feeling feverish which may explain the chills I was starting to experience. She even took out the thermometer which confirmed that my body temperature was normal, but I continued to feel cold.

It was just a matter of time that the chillness gave way to shivering and I had to get a jacket to make myself feel comfortable. I tried to switch off the air conditioning, but it was a futile attempt. It was beyond any logical explanation. I tired to continue writing, but with the quivering I had no option but to shut down the laptop. All what I wanted to do was get under the thick blanket and snuggle up to my darling wife so that I feel better.

As soon as I hit the bed and felt the shivering subside, the phone rang. It was dad. Getting a call from back home in Kerala at 1:30 AM is never a good thing. The news he had to share was indeed not a happy one. My dearest grandpa, one with whom I spent my entire childhood and one who I consider close to my heart is no more. He passed away a few moments ago peacefully in his sleep. Time stood still.

The world did not wait for me. Calendars were replaced a few more times.

It was closer to midnight again in Dubai, but this time in the middle of the winter on the 15th day of February 2023. A couple of hours earlier my dad was taken on an ambulance from a hospital in Changanacherry, my hometown, to a bigger hospital in Kochi where he had earlier undergone treatment. My mom, along with my sister-in-law and my cousin brother had accompanied him. They reached the hospital, and he was immediately taken to the emergency room for treatment.

My cousin kept me posted with updates. With every message that was coming through, the tension in the air at home in Dubai was rising. Dad was truly the one bond that kept the entire family together and the happiness we shared throughout our lives was something beyond my ability to put down in the form of words. As Ruby and I was figuring out the flight to Kochi, the next message arrived. It was quite an ominous one which said dad suffered a massive cardiac arrest, but the doctors did revive him. It was followed by two more attacks and my cousin messaged saying the doctors were planning to shift him to the ventilator.

The nights of February in Dubai are when the temperature is quite pleasant outside, and we do not really need air conditioning throughout. The AC was off, but I could sense the tingling sensation coming back. Something that was familiar to me about nine years ago. I asked my sweetheart for a sweater. The chills were back, and she had to hug me since I started shaking. She covered me with a shawl and later with a jacket as well. But this time I could feel the trembling staying a little longer than last time. The next day I managed to reach Kochi and bid a final farewell to dad standing next to his bedside. He was beyond any state of recognising me, but I knew exactly when he came to me and gave me a hug. Just the way my grandpa embraced me before he started his journey back to where we all came from.

The Last Word

'You should pen down your life dad. There are quite a few chapters which will be absolutely amazing!' I told him on that beautiful Valentine's Day in 2023 over the speaker phone while driving to office in the morning.

He brushed off that request of mine saying, 'Poda, who would want to read about my life?'

I said, 'You have inspired a lot of people dad. Even if that book of yours is read by only ten people, it will be life changing for them. You must write.'

'OK, let me give it a thought', dad said. I could imagine him smiling at the other end of the phone. 

'Tell me dad, what's left in your bucket list? Is there anything you really wanted to achieve and couldn't?'

It didn’t even take a moment for him to respond, 'Nothing da, am all done with God's grace'.

48 hours later, I stood next to his bed in the hospital where he was in a state beyond recognizing me and bid him goodbye with my last kiss while his heart was still beating with unconditional love as always...

Happy Valentine's Day in heaven Daddy 💙

 

Tears of Strength

‘Be Strong’. Probably the phrase I’ve heard countless number of times since 16 February 2023, almost a month back. That’s the date when I started experiencing the strangest ever feeling in my life of four decades.

Imagine this. Ever since you were born, the starting and ending of your day has always been with the biggest and brightest source of energy known to the human race, the Sun. What happens one day, just like that, the Sun stops shining. Needless to say you’ll be slapped with darkness and gloom. Your days no longer start with the perennial hope of light. You will never be able to wish anyone a bright and beautiful day anymore.

This and many more impossible to explain emotions were having a joyful ride of their life through my mind since that day. I lost the greatest source of power in my life from the time I was born, the one that gave me hope, cared for me unconditionally, moulded me with love and taught me what life is in its entirety.

My Dad!

He was indeed a superhero for me and unsurprisingly for many others as well. People who I met and others who reached out only had good memories and great stories to share about dad. He was literally an influencer in their lives, way before social media ever existed and the word influencer meant even more than the digital motivation that we rely upon these days.

Since he knew quite a lot of people it was decided that we should have the funeral on a weekend, four days after his passing, so that they get a chance to meet him for one last time. It indeed was a good decision as the endless flow of people the day before and the funeral day was the evidence of how much was he loved.

What was particularly difficult for me was to meet a bunch of them who have been not just influenced by dad but have been a great influence in his life, about whom he has spoken to me many times. They all reminded me of the happy times dad had with them and those moments literally relived in front of my eyes each time they came over and held my hand.

Sometimes a look into their eyes, a word uttered, a gentle pressing of my hand or a hug, they all triggered a seemingly never-ending churn of reservoir of tears deep down somewhere in me.

I cried, through all those days and more.

Every instance I could recollect the precious moments of love and care he kept aside for me, welled up my eyes. I heard people saying time and again to be strong. They wanted me to remain a support for the sake of my family including mom. Some of them said do not cry and be strong.

But those were not tears of weakness. In fact every drop that found its way out through my eyes made me stronger. For me, tears are the most natural outlet for a human being especially when you are overwhelmed with emotions. Let it flow. It will only make you stronger and prepare you to move ahead.

Amidst the avalanche of tears, along with my God sent cousins, I got through all the set of activities required right from the hospital bed to the funeral day and beyond. If I am to make a list of things done, it’ll need another whole day. I truly believe it was those tears though they blurred my vision momentarily, gave me much needed clarity and power just like a windshield that is wiped clean each time after you spray water and the wiper of your car does a perfect job.

Let me end with the tribute I penned down for Dad on his 7th Day, ‘Daddy, you taught us everything except the last chapter in your book of life. We opened the final chapter today and it said, ‘The Beginning’. You left us a note, ‘for self-study’. We now begin our learning with your eternal guidance. Live in our hearts and be with us forever… To the best dad world can ever offer!’

The Receiving End

Twenty beautiful years. That was what I was blessed to be with my parents and my brother, day in and day out, physically. Ever since I was born and till the day I completed my graduation, I stayed home with my family in our small town of Changanacherry in Kerala. Post graduation took me out of my town for the first time and since then I came back home for vacations which were some of the most cherished moments in life.

Coimbatore, a city in the neighbouring state of Tamil Nadu was the first one in the list where I had to stay in a hostel for three years till the end of the PG course. This was followed by Bangalore for further studies followed by my first job and eventually I landed in Dubai.

During the Coimbatore days, each time after a vacation got over, I used to travel back from Changanacherry to Coimbatore by bus. There was an almost religious sequence to those sent offs. Mom and dad packed food stuff like pickles and snacks which I’ll take back to my hostel. Dad would’ve already booked the bus in advance and on the day I had to leave, with absolutely no exception, he will drop me at the travel agency office. It didn’t stop there.

Buses to many destinations stopped there at the office to pick up passengers. There were always a few boys or girls like me in the waiting area or outside the office awaiting their buses. Almost all of the girls had their parents or at least their fathers waiting along with them for the buses to arrive. That was rarely the case when it came to boys. For most of them, it was either their parents or sometimes a friend or a relative dropping them off and wouldn’t wait for their departure. This was where my dad was an exception.

Dad would drop me at the travel agency, parked his Maruti 800, the cutest car India produced those times, came to the agency office and stayed with me till the time my bus arrived. The waiting time could be anywhere between half an hour to one hour, sometimes more, depending on the traffic conditions on the road. I thank God now for allowing me to be born in early 80’s before mobile phones became popular that I spent all those waiting time talking to my dad.

After a while, the travel agency owner would announce the arrival of the bus in the next five minutes. That’s when I’ll get ready with my bags and wait for the bus to show its face. The agency office was located at a place where you could see the bus coming from a distance. As soon as dad spotted the bus, he would prompt me to get ready for departure. He’ll ensure that I didn’t forget any of my bags and once the bus arrived the same assurance is made for the luggage to be tucked in the belly of the bus safely and I was seated comfortably inside the bus.

The most precious of all those times were the last moments when I bid goodbye to dad before boarding the bus. I had never seen him cry, but always felt his deep love for me welled up in his heart as he looked into my eyes and uttered probably the shortest word in this world, ‘OK’. That ‘OK’ had everything included in it and I knew he didn’t have to be vocal to express that. Ironically, I am just the opposite when it came to expressing love and emotions. Even though dad was not quite comfortable with public display of affection, I always ensured that I gave him a tight hug and a loving kiss on his cheeks and told him to take care till we meet again. He will nod his head and smile. And that’s how we parted.

I loved the fact that I am the one who was leaving and not staying back, as I always felt seeing off someone is more painful than being sent off. The one who is going away will have new experiences to look forward to including the travel itself whereas the one who is seeing off will go back to the same life minus the loved one whom you just sent off. That hurts.

I guess dad got tired of being the one who was seeing me off all the time and decided on a bright and sunny day on, 16 Feb 2023, to allow me to see him off. This time I was the one who was speechless, though my tears did all the talk as dad was on a journey that had no return. But I did tell him for one last time to take care till we meet again in eternal life. He didn’t nod his head but had that smile on his face as always.

Kitchen Sink Teacher

I’m sure you must have heard the advice, ‘Couples should settle their disagreements before bed time’. This has been one of the age old pieces of wisdom passed on to us from generations and is supposed to be the mantra of a healthy relationship.

There is no denying of the benefit of this fact, provided you could truly achieve this! Keep aside the theory for a moment. Practically how often did you have a situation in your relationship that you just couldn’t solve the issue between you and your partner before bed time? You ended up sleeping on either ends of the bed or worst case, in different rooms. If you are smiling after reading this, I’m sure you understand what I mean.

Not to worry, this is something every couple in a ‘healthy relationship’ experience at least once (smiles widen here) in their life. What is more interesting is to know what happens the next day morning. Are you sulkier than what you were last night or you really feel refreshed? Can you say the same thing about your partner as well? If either of you don’t feel better, then the issue of last night will most likely get worsened.

If both partners are in fact feeling refreshed in the morning the chances are higher for the issue to be resolved in a few minutes after they are up. Now the question is how do some people achieve this? How can someone who literally fought like cats and dogs a few hours back mend ways and live happily ever after? What is that secret ingredient these people add to their sleep?

I really cannot speak for every one of these magicians out there who does their tricks in different ways. But I can definitely vouch for one such magic which was taught to me by a rather unusual teacher, the kitchen sink!

Have you ever tried to wash a heavily stained dish at home especially towards the end of a tiring day? How much ever hard you scrub it, even with the soap, you’ll find it next to impossible for the utensil to be deprived of the stain. Here is when you’ve two choices, especially when the dish you are trying to clean is testing your patience.

Choice one is to leave the dish in the sink and do nothing. Guess what will await your return to the kitchen next morning? A much more hardened stain for which you’ll possibly need a Himalayan effort to clean up.  

Choice two is what smarter people do. You take a deep breath and tell the dish that we’ve seen this and more. Once you get the psychological advantage over the dish, then you add a bit of dish wash liquid and fill the dish with water. Enjoy the beautiful view of bubbles reflecting the true colours of the dish while you head to the bed by leaving the worries at the kitchen door. The next day morning after you return to the kitchen, all what you have to do is swipe the dish with a brush by giving a gentle stroke as you would give to a baby. The dish will be squeaky clean and will reflect your smiling face just like in a mirror!

Bringing you back from kitchen to the rough evening between you and your partner. Just think that the stain on the dish is similar to the fight you had. You’re not able to resolve the issue and you’ve the same choices.

You can decide to leave it dry and make things worse the next day. Alternately both of you tell the fight that we’ve seen this and more. Once this is done, mutually agree that you can solve this issue, but probably need to sleep over it. This is the water and soap which will do the magic just like how it did for the dish. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see the positivity in you the next day morning when you get up. What you don’t realize is the fact that the stain is nothing but your ego and the mutual agreement is the secret ingredient that helped the ego melt away over the sleep.

All what is left to do is to give each other a quick hug and make up for the fight because love is the strongest emotion mankind ever experienced! 

End of an era

If you lived in India in 1980s or 90s and were old enough to write sentences, you must have used or at least seen something called Inland letters. These were sealable letters with stamps pre-fixed and people used them to communicate with each other by writing on these and posting them in a post box.

As someone born and brought up in Kerala, a small state down south in India, I predominantly used the language of the state called Malayalam. Though my schooling was in English medium, the routine usage of English was very rare and hence my vocabulary also was quite limited.

Having set the context, I now want you to picture this. A sixty year old man who lived in Bombay, present day Mumbai, at that time asking me to write to him regularly in English on Inland letters. Once he receives the letter, he’ll read them and correct my mistakes with red ink and enclose the corrected letter in a cover and affix stamps as required and post them back to my address in Kerala! All of this with just one simple and noble objective of making my English better.

Can you imagine anyone in 21^st Century to be so selfless, go all the way and take pains to help someone to this extend? That, ladies and gentlemen, was my dearest Kochappappan!

Kochappappan, how we affectionately called him, was my grandpa’s brother who hailed from Changanacherry, my hometown in Kerala. Soon after his college days he made Bombay his home. From the time I could recollect, he was always referred as Kochappappan from Bombay! Every year he used to make sure that he kept aside a considerable amount of time to come down to Kerala to visit his brother and relatives.

Unlike many of our other relatives, Kochappappan whenever he visited Kerala used to stay with us for a month or so as we were in the ancestral house along with my grandpa. I always looked forward to receive him at our small railway station in Changanacherry, where he’ll promptly arrive on Jayanti Janata, the express train that came from Bombay which stopped for less than a minute at our railway station.

I used to wait eagerly for Kochappappan’s arrival. One, obviously to meet him and listen to all the stories he had to say about his life and how he was a self-made man. He was the youngest of the five siblings fully aware of the fact that his eldest brother, by grandpa, shouldered the full responsibility of a large family after the untimely demise of their father. Kochappappan was all but a three year old child during the time when he lost his father. As he grew up he was quite keen on reducing the burden on his brother and tried all possible ways to make some money so that he could pay for his fees and other expenses himself rather than depending on his brother. He used to write to various magazines and made a little bit of money that definitely helped him with his plan.

There was one other thing I looked forwarded to his visits.

Kochappappan never came empty handed. He always ensured to carry at least two boxes decorated usually in bright red colour paper with yellow graffiti design on them. The boxes contained a treasure that you could only find in Bombay back then! One of them was Bombay Halwa and other was Bombay Peda. The former was a confectionary which usually came in a variety of colours enriched with nuts and dry fruits and latter was a sweet made of milk. Imagine a time when you could literally see and feel the taste of these wonderful confectionaries only once a year! Something that we who live in this modern day world of expanded markets cannot even dare to imagine!

There are quite a few stories about Kochappappan which I cherish deep down in my heart. The priceless moments spent with him during my childhood is deeply etched as fond memories in my mind and I’m sure will remain there till my last breath. Every time Kochappapan took the train to return to Bombay a feeling of emptiness filled my heart but at the same time the sweetness of waiting for him to come back next year always helped alleviate that pain.

On 26 Oct 2020, Jayanti Janata left for one last time with Kochappappan as the sole passenger for a journey without a return. The train left the station with only one destination, heaven!

May your soul rest in eternal peace dearest Kochappappan and thank you for bringing a big difference in my life with your presence!  

Love in Corona

Alex circled red today’s date on the calendar. It had been three months since he started working from home. The concept was quite enticing for him initially, but soon reality hit him! While at office he had some breathing space in between meetings. Whereas now, all what he does is jump from one meeting to another as everyone is on Microsoft Teams and is just a call away.

The day wasn’t different. A series of back-to-back meetings were lined up. Even the space on the Outlook calendar he marked for lunch got double booked a few minutes back. It was going to be a working lunch like many other days. To tell the truth, Alex started to get a feeling that he missed his office! The only thing that held him back was the virus which was still at large outside.

He had earlier made a cup of tea for himself and prepared some coffee and milk for his wife and kids. Soon enough, he got into the crazy schedule of meetings during the day. After a while his tummy started making noise. The internal alarms for hunger started getting active. He was hoping that Nisha will soon have something made for breakfast.

It was closer to 10 o’ clock when Alex got a teeny bit of gap between two meetings. He quickly checked in the kitchen but was welcomed by empty dishes! Nisha was quite busy with E-learning for their younger daughter in Kindergarten. Alex got a bit annoyed as hunger was something he couldn’t hold longer.

Soon he got into the next call and was in between a heated discussion when his elder son barged in shouting ‘Love you Appa’! Alex before even realizing what he was doing, asked his son to get out of the room. The air was getting more tensed with a deadly combination of hunger and disturbance.

The day continued to be very hectic and by the time he got up from his seat it was quite late into the evening. In between the day, which was nothing short of crazy, there were multiple fights he picked up with his wife and two kids. Before even he realized, they had retired to bed even before he could mend the gap and didn’t even get a chance to kiss them good night.

Alex decided to settle down to watch TV for some time. It was his favourite news channel that cracked alive. A news item was in progress about the latest victim who succumbed to Corona, a four year old little girl. The video showed a house in a locality that was quite familiar. In fact it was just two blocks away. Alex recollected seeing the news a week ago about a little girl getting infected and taken to a hospital.

He saw an ambulance leaving the house and the sight of a heart-broken father that will melt even the coldest of the hearts. The father was heard lamenting, ‘They didn’t even show us her face. I couldn’t even kiss my little angel a final goodbye. The last thing she asked me was a simple box of crayons and I denied even that to my child!’ Little did he know that he was going to get a second blow the very next day when his company will announce a round of layoffs and his name was in the list!

Alex never felt his heart so heavy. Grief overpowered him. The series of images on the TV reminded him of how petty were his issues for which he fought throughout the day with those who matter. He switched off the TV and headed to the bedroom. The three souls that meant more than anything else in his life were sleeping. A ray of light found its way into the bedroom. In that dim light he saw the angelic faces of his loved ones. They all seemed to lack the usual shine. All of them appeared disturbed with the experience he gave them through the day.

He sat next to his little one. She was holding her favourite teddy. The words on it read, ‘World’s Best Dad’! Her curly hair had fallen on to her eyes. As he gently parted them, tears started rolling down his cheeks. He tried to stop them, but in vain. They fell on to her lovely little cheeks. He was afraid he’ll wake her up. She stirred on the bed but didn’t wake up. Instead she took his hand and wrapped them around her, one of her most favourite ways to sleep when she experienced the greatest safety in this world! 

A dad’s dilemma!

It was bedtime again the other day. Our son had slept off already and our four year old girl was on the bed, but as usual resisting sleep big time with her condition yet to be met that Amma (mom) needs to cuddle and be with her till she sleeps!

Here is exactly how the conversation went between mom (M) and daughter (D):

M: Why don’t you sleep dear? Amma needs to finish something.

D: No! I need you here next to me.

M: Wait, let me ask Appa (Dad) to come and join you.

D: No, I want you.

M: Oh, so you don’t want to cuddle Appa and sleep?

D: No, I want to sleep only with you.

M: Shall we then send Appa away?

D: What?! Send Appa away? No!

M: Why not?

D: Of course not! Because he is our Appa!

My heart was filled with all the love this sweet little world could offer! But soon came the remaining part of her statement.

D: Who will then drive us around?

Dedicated to all the loving dads around the world!

Age no bar

One of the most common terms you see in a traditional matrimonial advertisement is ‘Age no bar'. It is a declaration of zero conditions regarding the age of a potential future partner. While this is to find a possible match, I was fortunate to witness another flavour of ‘Age no bar’ during my school days. This time it was all about love, the love I was quite lucky to see between my dearest uncle and aunt.

Chittappa, that’s what we call dad’s younger brother in Malayalam and Chittamma for his wife. This was a time when internet slowly started making its presence felt in the houses in our town in Kerala. Chittappan and family were settled in US. One of those days, Chittappan had to travel alone to India. It was quite unusual to see them not being together since they were seldom seen apart when they travelled.

Chittappan that day, reached our home after a tiring flight. He freshened up and got me to connect the internet for him. Soon Chittamma was online on Yahoo Chat, one of the widely used chat engines those days. Voice chat was yet to be common and hence Chittappan had to type the statements in the chat window.

Let me give you a social background in Kerala while this was happening. I’m talking about a Kerala that was 25 years back. Those were the times when most parents very rarely expressed their love openly for each other. Words of love were hardly spoken, especially in public between the father and mother. I don’t really recollect my parents giving a hug in public. Any behaviour otherwise were not among the accepted norms in our society then.

While such a social behaviour existed, it won’t be an exaggeration if I say I was absolutely stunned when I saw the words Chittappan typed on the chat window. It was that time of the year when jackfruit was available in plenty in Kerala. As expats they must have shared a special love towards this fruit since it wasn’t that common in US. He asked her, “Chakka venodi chakkare” literally translated as “Do you need jackfruit darling”?

It may sound quite silly to be surprised at so simple a statement. But honestly, it was one of the biggest shockers of my life that someone who were of my parents’ age can speak like this publicly. It was something short of a taboo in a society where I lived. That day, I guess, changed my perspective about life. A realization of the meaning of love hit me hard. Chittappan and Chittamma, through their expression of love taught me one of the most valuable lessons in life. There is no age limit for love and more importantly do not hold yourself back from expressing your love to a dear one!

They were one of the earliest love birds I’ve seen. They taught me the happiness of being together. In a world when people get scared to be in a commitment let alone getting married, Chittappan and Chittamma were God sent real life examples for me to strongly believe in the beauty of a married life. The joy of the life they shared always reflected in the smiles they adorned. I’ve never seen either of them walking around with a frown. They appeared to me in a perennial state of bliss.

The flow of life is such that two distinct streams of water join hands in Holy Matrimony and flow together as one river. The love for each other nourishes the banks of this river thereby sharing the happiness they experienced with others. I’m so thankful to God that I’ve been a recipient of such endless love from a very beautiful river that flowed through my life.

A couple of weeks back, Chittappan slightly changed his course to join his Creator leaving behind a legacy along with Chittamma for an entire generation to learn and live on in the spirit of love.

May you all be blessed in this New Year with the presence of such wonderful people who enrich our lives while they are around and even after that!

The Christmas Gift

The school bus stopped right in front of the mansion partially engulfed in mist on that chilly December evening. As she got down, Jessy pulled the cardigan closer to her chest to protect herself from the cold wind. She waved goodbye to her friends and was welcomed back home by the glittering lights that were adding to the celebration scene getting ready for a double delight. Jessy and Jesus shared birthdays! The sentry opened the gate for her and the familiar sight of her beautiful home unravelled in front of her, this time even more beautiful with the lovely lights sparkling all around.

Three luxury cars adorned the main porch, adding to the pomp and glory of the mansion. But to Jessy, there was one eyesore, a car that was parked a bit aside in a dedicated porch. It was an Ambassador painted in yellow and black, the one that was typical of taxis in India in 90’s. This was the only thing about which she fought with her brother John. Even on her last birthday, when she turned fourteen, she asked him as a wish to get rid of the strange car. Her brother as always, with lots of love, promptly turned down this request.

The Ambassador reminded John of his humble beginnings and he wanted to retain it as a sacred memory. There wasn’t anyone else to whom Jessy could complain since from the time she could remember, her brother was the only relative she ever had. There was an old black and white picture of their parents that was prominently placed on the majestic wall of the living room.

Jessy vaguely recollect her past when they did not have all these luxury in their life. It was her brother’s dedication alone that made him the successful business man the town knows today. She still can’t believe that he used to be behind the wheels of the same Ambassador which she hated from the bottom of her heart. If there was one thing her friends ridiculed her for, it was the strange presence of that car right in front of their grand residence.

There was another weird practice in that house associated to this car. During Christmas and her birthday, the house got decorated with lights of all colours except for the porch where the Ambassador stood. The porch will always be decorated with lights shining in bright red colour. There were strict instructions from John to the staff not to use any other colour for this porch. The car and the porch appeared to Jessy as nothing short of a bad omen bathed in red. Jessy had asked him why and this is one mystery for which she never got a convincing answer.

She had made a decision this year. Christmas this time was not going to be the same. She was not going to turn fifteen without changing the bad omen at least as the first step. She’ll bring more happiness by decorating the age old car and porch with bright and beautiful colours than the depressing red. Next step will be to get rid of the car altogether. She had to plan well for this since it was pretty evident that she was treading dangerous waters on this with her brother!

She invited a few of her friends over. Together they plotted a secret plan. ‘Mission Red Devil’ was launched! First they’ll ensure that the red lights got replaced and then they’ll find a way to get rid of the car altogether. For the first objective, they managed to get hold of one of the staff members in the house and convinced him to get them a bunch of multi-coloured lights.

While they were at it, a familiar face of an old man appeared at the gate. Jessy identified him as the second mystery associated with the Ambassador. This man promptly came during Christmas time every year. John took great efforts to receive him and treat him well. They both will be seen talking for a long time and most of the conversations happened right next to the car. He was introduced once to Jessy as an old friend of John who helped in the days when John was driving the taxi. Nothing more was said about him.

Soon John went out with the old man. While they were away, Jessy and friends acted quickly. Within an hour, they applied garlands of light on the porch with every other colour than red. As they plugged in the light, the gate opened. John was received with the shocking view of a brightly lit car porch where the good old Ambassador was covered in a multi-coloured robe. His expression was priceless! All the red that were missing at the porch found its way to his face. He was furious and the girls had never seen him like that. He didn’t say a word except for asking the staff to put the red lights back on.

Jessy dropped her friends back shortly. She returned home, but to a different one than the one she left. It was a dead house. Even the lights that shined did not seem to bring the life that once filled the space. John was sitting right below the picture frame of their parents and looked devastated. Jessy was quite surprised. Was it all because of the lights? Why was it so important that the change brought such a drastic transformation to their home? She demanded an answer from her brother which was greeted with a terminal silence and that silence killed her.

This was it! She had been patient for the last fifteen years. Each time the question was raised about the car and the strange ways about it at their home, John was quite evasive. She sat down next to him and looked right into his eyes and said, “I really need you to tell me brother, what is the secret with this car and why is a mere change of decoration lights bothering you so much? I’m not a baby anymore for you to hold back the truth. You act like a total stranger each time I come up with this question. You are so weird when it comes to this topic and guess what I feel? I don’t belong here!”

As soon as she finished those last words, John burst into tears with a loud cry! A bunch of emotions that were buried deep down in his mind for the last decade and a half finally found its way out. His memories took him back to a Christmas Eve fifteen years ago. It was quite late in the evening. He was driving the taxi and was about to drop home a young couple expecting their first baby soon. This was his seventh trip for the day and possibly the last one since he was really tired with all the traffic of the season. He badly wanted to get back home and have a peaceful evening all by himself celebrating Christmas. The couple who owned the taxi which he drove had told him to take a day off on Christmas and nothing could get better than that.

As he was taking the final turn to the young couple’s home a flash of a bright light hit the car. He could hardly make out the shape of a truck and took a sharp turn to the left. The truck hit the side where the lady was seated. The impact was huge that he remember the car spinning for a few times before it came to a halt. The young man, soon to be a father, died on the spot. While John though had broken a bone or two, couldn’t help but hear the heart wrenching cry from the fully pregnant lady. The pain was unbearable, yet he managed to crawl out of the car. A passing car stopped by and the man who now visited them every Christmas helped John to take the lady to a nearby hospital. She was unconscious by the time they reached the Emergency section. He was soon taken inside as well and while they prepared him for a surgery, he vaguely remember hearing the doctors speak that the lady won’t make it.

A few days later as he was ready to leave the hospital, the nurses helped him onto the taxi that was waiting to take him home. But just before that, he was directed by a nurse to the neo natal ward. The place was all decorated for Christmas with bright red lights everywhere. The nurse took him to a tiny girl among the other babies there. They called her Jessy, the one that was miraculously saved from a dying mother a few minutes after the clock struck twelve on the Christmas day that year! He looked into her tiny eyes and saw the reflection of the shining red lights in them. They were shining like the Star of Bethlehem. Jessy, his sister, was born in his mind.

He took her to the couple who owned his taxi. For them, John and Jessy became the kids they never had. John inherited the taxi from them and moved to this town later, along with her. He also brought a priceless item along with him. An old black and white picture of the couple which was duly placed on the living room wall.

John finished the narration and looked at his sister. She got up and walked towards the window from where she could see the car that was parked in the porch. He reached out to her and they looked at each other. They could see the reflection of the bright red lights in their eyes. For Jessy, those were the most precious rubies she had ever seen in her life!