When Yesudas failed to impress me!

K J Yesudas is one of the most celebrated singers India has ever produced. He is estimated to have recorded an overwhelming 50000 songs in more than a dozen Indian and foreign languages.

He was already a living legend by the time I reached my middle school. This was year 1993. That was when one day, dad came home with a breaking news that Yesudas was to perform at a musical concert in Assumption college, one of the most famous colleges in Changanacherry, my hometown in Kerala. Naturally, everyone got excited because you were getting an opportunity of a lifetime to listen to a musical icon in the country performing live!

For me personally, that was not the real excitement. It was also the first year after my dad opened Adens, an ice cream parlour and restaurant, in our hometown. After breaking the news about Yesudas, dad also mentioned that we were going to have a food stall inside the college where people could walk in and buy ice creams and snacks. Yay! We were going to run a shop inside one of the biggest colleges in our small hometown.

Dad also offered to pick me up from school in the evening which was a rare occurrence since I used to commute daily to school on an auto rickshaw. I felt happy that my dad was coming to pick me up from school that day! Small happinesses in life.

By the time I reached the age of middle school, dad used to give me a small amount as pocket money. Nothing fancy, it was about Rupees 2 a month. But the value of that was so high those days, that you will not believe me if I said, I was able to buy twenty candies for just one Rupee! So, on the day of the concert I ensured that I bought a handful of those candies from a tiny shop behind our school where I waited for my dad to pick me up.

Soon we reached the college where the musical concert of Yesudas was about to begin. As soon as I stepped into the campus, what greeted me was a large make-shift frame which connected two of the main buildings of the college. The frame looked as though it was painted in pure white and there were images of bright red apples placed at equal distance from each other across which the word Adens was engraved. It was the beautiful logo of our business. Everyone who walked through the gates of the college that day, stood and took notice of the shop and the brand Adens. 

It was a pure marketing genius of dad to secure a stall there in college for the event, which was the only food stall available in the campus that day. Not only did the day end up as exceptionally good for the business but also gained much needed publicity for a new brand in town.

Meanwhile, the concert was an equally big hit and soon after the event, Yesudas headed back home. So did I, with tummy filled with candies and mind brimming with business ideas.

Thanks again to dad for instilling such brilliant marketing lessons right from our childhood in my brother and me. I am sure his soul must be rejoicing up in Heaven for a life well lived!

Game of Perceptions

It is said that, if you feel you have too many problems, you should look at people who are less fortunate than you, and all of a sudden you will realize, your problems are not problems at all.

But, what if your problems are a result of your affluence? You try to look at people less fortunate than you for solace. It is when reality hits you, that they, do not have these problems at all! You feel even more miserable. What do you do then? It is time for you to look up.

Take a good look at people even more affluent than you. Trust me, when I say, you will be blessed with the most satisfying realisation that greater the prosperity, bigger are the cost of their problems. All of a sudden, a sense of calmness engulfs you.

Life is all about perceptions...

ജീവിതങ്ങൾ ജന്മങ്ങൾ

ജയ്സൺ, വിനീത് സോണി. മൂന്നു വ്യത്യസ്തങ്ങളായ ജീവിത പശ്ചാത്തലങ്ങളിൽ നിന്ന് വന്ന് ഒരേ ക്യാമ്പസിൽ കണ്ടുമുട്ടിയവർ. അവരുടെ സമകാലികരെ പോലെ കേരളത്തിൽ ബിരുദം എടുത്ത ശേഷം ഉപരിപഠനത്തിനായി മൂവരും എത്തിപ്പെട്ടത് തമിഴ്നാട്ടിലെ പ്രശസ്തമായ ഒരു കലാലയത്തിൽ ആയിരുന്നു. ഓരോരുത്തരും ഓരോ കാര്യങ്ങളിൽ ഒന്നിനൊന്നു മെച്ചം. വിനീത് അസ്സലായിട്ട് പാടും, സോണി പഠനത്തിൽ അഗ്രഗണ്യൻ, ജയ്സൺ ആവട്ടെ ഒന്നാന്തരം ഒരു സംഘാടകൻ.

ജീവിതം അങ്ങനെ മുന്നോട്ടു പോയി. മൂന്നുവർഷം പോയത് അവരറിഞ്ഞു പോലുമില്ല. അതിനിടെ എന്തെല്ലാം തമാശകൾ. എത്ര എത്ര നുറുങ്ങ് നിമിഷങ്ങൾ. എന്തിനും ഏതിനും അവർ ഒന്നിച്ചായിരുന്നു പരസ്പരം കൊല്ലാനും ചാകാനും വരെ തയ്യാറായിരുന്നു എന്ന് പറഞ്ഞാൽ അതിശയോക്തിയാവില്ല. ഹോസ്റ്റലിന്റെ വരാന്തകളിൽ വിനീതിന്റെ പാട്ടിൻറെ ഈരടികൾ മുഴങ്ങിക്കൊണ്ടിരുന്നു. സോണി ആവട്ടെ പരീക്ഷകൾ എന്ന കടമ്പ കടക്കാൻ അവരെ സ്ഥിരം സഹായിച്ചു. ജയ്സന്റെ നേതൃത്വ പാടവം പല സന്ദർഭങ്ങളിലും അവർക്ക് ഗുണകരമായി ഭവിച്ചു. കലാലയത്തിലെ പല പ്രശ്നങ്ങളും അവർ ഒന്നിച്ചു നിന്നാണ് നേരിട്ടത്. മൂവർ സംഘം എന്നൊരു പേര് തന്നെ അവർക്ക് ഉണ്ടായിരുന്നു. സന്തോഷത്തിന്റെ അലയൊലികൾ ഈ മൂന്നു വർഷക്കാലം അവരെ ചേർത്തുനിർത്തി. 

ജീവിതമാകുന്ന കപ്പൽ മുന്നോട്ടു സഞ്ചരിക്കവേ മൂന്നുപേരും മൂന്ന് ദിശകളിലേക്ക് പറിച്ചു നടപ്പെട്ടു. അപ്പോഴും സുഹൃത്ത് ബന്ധം മുറിയാതിരിക്കാൻ അവർ ശ്രമിച്ചുകൊണ്ടേയിരുന്നു.

പിന്നീട് എന്നോ ഒരിക്കൽ ഒരു തെറ്റിദ്ധാരണയുടെ പേരിൽ ജയ്സണും വിനീതും തമ്മിൽ അകന്നു. ഇഴപിരിയാത്ത ആത്മബന്ധം എന്ന് കരുതിയിരുന്നതൊക്കെ വെറും ചരിത്രമായി മാറി. സോണി അവനെ കൊണ്ട് കഴിയുന്നത് പോലെ മറ്റു രണ്ടു പേരെ ഒന്നിപ്പിക്കാൻ ശ്രമിച്ചെങ്കിലും ഫലം കണ്ടില്ല.

കാലം വീണ്ടും മുന്നോട്ടു പോയി. ഋതുക്കൾ മാറിമറിഞ്ഞു. ഒരു ദിവസം വിനീതിനും സോണിക്കും ഒരു ഫോൺ കോൾ വന്നു. അവരുടെയും ജയ്സൺടെയും സുഹൃത്തായിരുന്നു അമൽ ആയിരുന്നു അത്. ഫോണിൽ വന്ന വാർത്ത കേട്ട് ലോകത്തിന്റെ രണ്ട് അറ്റത്തായിരുന്ന വിനീതും സോണിയും നിശബ്ദരായി ഇരുന്നു പോയി. ഒരുകാലത്ത് ആത്മാർത്ഥ സുഹൃത്തായിരുന്നു ജയ്സൺ ഒരു വാഹന അപകടത്തിൽ പെട്ട് അവരെ വിട്ട് പോയിരിക്കുന്നു. 

അന്ത്യകർമ്മങ്ങൾക്കായി സോണിക്കും വിനീതിനും എത്താൻ സാധിച്ചില്ല. ഏകദേശം ഒരു വർഷത്തിനുശേഷം ഒരു അവധിക്കാലത്ത് അവർ രണ്ടുപേരും കൂടെ ജയ്സന്റെ വീട്ടിൽ ചെന്നു. അവൻറെ അപ്പനെയും അമ്മയെയും സഹോദരങ്ങളെയും കണ്ട് സംസാരിച്ചു. പിന്നീട് അവനെ അടക്കിയിരുന്ന പള്ളി സെമിത്തേരിയിൽ ചെന്നു. 

ജയ്സന്റെ കുഴിമാടത്തിൽ കുരിശിന്റെ താഴെ ഒരു കൽഫലകത്തിൽ ഒരു വാചകം എഴുതിയിരുന്നത് കണ്ട് അവർ രണ്ടുപേരും ഞെട്ടി. പെട്ടെന്നാണ് അവർ ഓർത്തത്, വർഷങ്ങൾക്ക് മുൻപ് അവരുടെ ഹോസ്റ്റൽ മുറിയിലിരുന്ന് ഒരിക്കൽ അവൻ പറഞ്ഞിരുന്നു, ഞാൻ മരിച്ചാൽ എൻറെ കുഴിമാടത്തിൽ ഒരു വാചകം മാത്രം എഴുതി വയ്ക്കണം, അത് ഇങ്ങനെയായിരിക്കണം,

'അകാലത്തിൽ പൊലിഞ്ഞ ഒരു അപാര ജന്മം'.

ജീവിത നൗക ചലിച്ചുകൊണ്ടേയിരുന്നു. പുതിയ തീരങ്ങളും പുതിയ ജന്മങ്ങളും തേടിയുള്ള യാത്ര.

ചിരിയുടെ നോവ്

ഞാൻ വെട്ടി ഒരുക്കിയ കാനനം നിനക്ക് നടവരമ്പുകൾ ആയി, 

കല്ലും മുള്ളും നിറഞ്ഞ പാതകളിൽ നിനക്കായി ഞാൻ മെതിയടികളായി. 

എന്റെ കയ്യിൻ തഴമ്പുകൾ നിന്റെ കൈകളെ മൃദുലമാക്കി, 

ആ കൈകൾ കൊണ്ട് നിന്റെ കുഞ്ഞിന്റെ മൃദുമേനിയിൽ നീ തലോടി. 

നീ മഴ നനഞ്ഞു കുളിരാതിരിക്കാൻ കുടയായി നീ എന്നെ ചൂടി, 

കത്തിയെരിയുന്ന ജീവിതത്തിലെ മീനമാസങ്ങളിൽ തൊണ്ട വരണ്ടപ്പോഴും, 

ഞാൻ ബാക്കി വെച്ച വെള്ളം നിനക്ക് ദാഹശമനി ആയി. 

അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ അങ്ങനെ ഞാൻ കരുതിവച്ച പലതും നിന്റെ ജീവിതത്തിന്റെ സ്ഥിരനിക്ഷേപങ്ങൾ ആയി. 

എങ്കിലും പഴുത്തിലകൾ വീഴുമ്പോൾ പച്ചിലകൾ ചിരിച്ചു കൊണ്ടേയിരിക്കും, 

ഒരു നാൾ മാഞ്ഞുപോകുമെന്ന് അറിയാതെയുള്ള ചിരി...

Birthday Special

I walked into the office in the morning and sat at my desk which is right next to one of my senior colleagues in the team who I truly admire for his knowledge, ability and the seamless way by which he handles every possible situation related to stakeholder management to complex problem solving. 

It was my birthday today, but he forgot about it. Just before wishes started pouring in the common office groups online, which would have alerted him, another colleague of mine walked past and wished me. That is when it clicked for my senior and he promptly wished me as well. When he got to know that the magical number for the day is forty-four, he made a statement, ‘Wow! You are in your mid-forties inching closer to fifty’. The immediate response that came out of me was, ‘Not really, I am still in my early forties and a long way to go before fifty!’

While the exchange of words was just an act of communication, I truly felt there was something more to it. Age is just another number, the final count of which will never be known to us. But every birthday serves as a wonderful reminder. How much ever busy we are or how fast we run to get more clients for our business or how many more zeroes get added to our back account, all these will cease to hold any value, if we end up as a picture framed on a wall and our loved ones have nothing to remember about us which could bring a smile on their face.

Career is important, but remind ourselves to live our life fully and ensure that our highest priority always remains as our loved ones!

 

വേരുകൾ

ഇടവപ്പാതി പല തവണ തകർത്തു പെയ്തു,

പഞ്ഞ കർക്കിടകം പലവട്ടം തല കാണിച്ചു.

മീനമാസ സൂര്യൻ പല ആണ്ടുകളെ വെന്തുരുക്കി,

എങ്കിലും ആ വൻമരം അവിടെ നിന്നു, വേരുകൾ ഉറപ്പിച്ചു തന്നെ.

തായ് തടിയും ശാഖകളും ഉപ ശാഖകളും,

പച്ചിലകളും പഴങ്ങളും, പ്രകൃതി കനിഞ്ഞു നൽകപ്പെട്ട മഹാമേരു.

ആ വൻ മരത്തോട്, ഒരിക്കൽ ഞാൻ ചോദിച്ചു, 'അല്ലയോ മഹാത്മാവേ എങ്ങനെ ഇങ്ങനെ ജീവിക്കുന്നു, എന്തിനീ നിസ്വാർത്ഥത?'

ഉത്തരം വളരെ ലളിതം.

'ജീവിക്കുക, നിനക്കും നിൻറെ കുടുംബത്തിനും വേണ്ടി.

കുടുംബം എന്നത് സമൂഹവും,

സമൂഹം എന്നത് രാജ്യവും ആണെന്ന ബോധ്യം ഉണ്ടാവുക.

നന്മകൾ മാത്രം ചെയ്യുക, തിന്മകൾ നിരൂപിക്കാതിരിക്കുക.

പരോപകാരം പുണ്യമായി കരുതുക, അത് നാലു പേർ അറിയാതെ ചെയ്യുക.

സ്നേഹം ഒരു സത്യമാണെന്ന് അറിയുക,

ആ സത്യത്തിന് അളവുകോൽ നൽകാതിരിക്കുക.

ജീവിതം മുഴുവനായിത്തന്നെ ജീവിക്കുക, 

മരണം വന്നു വിളിക്കുമ്പോൾ പുഞ്ചിരിയോടെ കടന്നുപോവുക.'

ആ വൻ മരം ഇന്നില്ല, 

പക്ഷേ പഠിപ്പിച്ച പാഠങ്ങളൊക്കെയും മനസ്സിൽ നിലനിൽക്കുന്നു, 

ആഴത്തിൽ വേരൂന്നി തന്നെ! 

The Boiling Point

Have you ever boiled fresh milk on a stove? If so, have you always taken the pan out right on time, so that the milk does not spill over? If you have not experienced this, I suggest you stop reading this now and get into your kitchen, try boiling some milk and experience these things for yourself first. This is important for you to understand what I am going to say next. Else you better have a solid sense of imagination.

You would have noticed that when you boil a pan of milk, unless you take the pan out at the right time, a considerable amount of milk will spill over on to the stove. Getting the stove cleaned is a herculean task. The spilled milk stains the pan as well which poses a big challenge to clean the pan properly. You could only wish that you had taken the pan out on time so that you avoid all the hassle.

What I am going to say next is not something I have invented. But this will definitely be a good reminder for all of us, including me, so that if we ever go through such a state, we will remember these words and hopefully will act accordingly.

Now imagine this. The pan we use is nothing but our life itself. The milk we try to boil is the bunch of emotions we go through daily. The stove is the society where we live and the environment around us.

Just like how the milk will reach a boiling point, our emotions too have an upper limit. The more we refuse to address the fact that we are reaching a tipping point of an emotional churn, the bigger will be the impact. The earlier we acknowledge that we need to take out the pan of emotions, the better will be our mental situation. Else just like how the spilled over boiled milk leaves us with a nasty job, we will be gifting ourselves and people around us with quite a difficult challenge to solve, a twisted life of ours.

Now the bigger question is, how do we avoid this situation? This is where we all need to consciously build a support system for ourselves. This could be someone we are closer to at home or a friend, with whom we could speak about the emotional turmoil that we are going through or someone at our professional environment with whom we could disclose some of these experiences.

Please note that I mentioned both personal and professional contacts. There is a reason for it. There are topics or incidents involving our emotional wellbeing that are personal or professional in nature. The support system we develop needs to cater to both. We can't be addressing only one of them. Hence, we need to have a healthy mix of both personal and professional support system in place so that whenever we need to express our emotional concerns, the party on the other side understands and empathise with us.

So much is spoken these days about mental health and emotional wellbeing. These are not magical words, instead as humankind we are capable of ensuring these to our fellow humans. All that is needed is being a good human and live the spirit of what humanity stands for.

Let us all take out our pans of emotions on time and like how we enjoy a well-prepared cup of coffee, let us lead a life that is beautiful, how it is meant to be!

The tale of a frog

First decade of the millennium 2000. In the beautiful city of Bangalore. A dream job, in a budding company. Life was good and nothing more to ask. As days and years progressed, realization came in that human needs and wants never end. Becoming a family and other situations added to this fact and made us think of getting a four-wheeler to supplement the two-wheeler we then had.

Obvious questions came up of budget, make and model. Keep in mind that our company CEO drove a Toyota Corolla then. Considering our expenses and savings plan we decided to settle on a Hyundai i10, a small and comfortable city car. That was the best we could do then. Anything beyond that would’ve been little less than blasphemy, considering the constraints and the social environment we were in. If your CEO himself is driving a Corolla, an i10 was good enough for you.

But destiny was to have the first drive and before even we knew and the downpayment could be given for the i10, we got uprooted to Dubai. The second decade of year 2000 had just begun. I was quite fortunate to get the UAE license early enough. Soon it was time to take the decision on a car, again. Now, this time the tables turned. I truly realized the meaning of the saying ‘frog in the well’ and how perceptions could increase or decrease the quality of your life.

As soon as I landed in Dubai, one of the most common sights that welcomed me was of Dubai Taxi. It is a corporation run by a bunch of taxi companies. Majority of the taxi cars then were Toyota Camry, which was one model placed above Toyota Corolla, the car which my CEO drove back in Bangalore. A similar exercise was conducted to analyse the expenses and savings plan to decide on the EMI capacity. To our pleasant surprise we realized that we have now have equalled my CEO of the previous company, at least for the car model. That realization resulted in a beautiful mica red Toyota Corolla landing on our parking lot the very next day!

That was not the only time this reality hit us. Most of us spent a life like the proverbial tiny frog in captivity in the well. We rarely realize our true potential until we decide to shake off from the comfort zones we are in and try something different. Trust me, this is not an easy task. There could be multiple reasons why we all resist change. It could be commitments, financial or otherwise. It could also be that we are unsure of ourselves and our capabilities to go above and beyond. Or it could just be that we are being plain lazy.

Whatever said and done, we may need a stimulant to get that frog in us jump out of the well and see the world beyond the dark dungeon we are in at that point of time. Find that stimulant and use it wisely. What needs to be kept in mind is that it is a never-ending world of wells. You jump from a smaller well to a bigger one. The more you are willing to expand your thoughts and your vision about your future, the wider will be your perceptions. You will start seeing the world that you had never experienced before.

There are tonnes of ways by which you can do this. Travelling, reading, interacting with people beyond your operational boundaries are all just a few ways to do this. Above all, have an open mind to see things differently so that you can experience a better life and more importantly help you stop judging others around you.

Break the walls of your well, the world if a much larger playground!

Seeing the beyond!

We were in Bangalore at the beginning of second decade of the millennium. The city was probably breathing its last few days as one of the coolest and greenest cities in India enjoying the title of IT capital of the country. Those were the days before the length and breadth of Bangalore underwent multiple surgeries to accommodate metro transport service. It was when staying and commuting in Bangalore was not as horrendous as what is experienced today. A haven indeed it was and working there felt like you were on a year-long vacation with an envious weather a few other cities in India could boast of.  

It was around that time, Ruby and I decided to buy our first car. Since we were a single income household with minimal savings, we decided to go for one of the best small cars then, a Hyundai i10, a hatchback. Those were the times when the CEO of my company, was commuting in a Toyota Corolla which was considered a premium segment car. 

As destiny would have its way, even before we could proceed with booking of the car, life took a different turn. After a few rounds of gruelling interviews, I landed in Dubai as a consultant for Emirates, one of the best-known brands in aviation. Shortly we also got the good news that we were to enjoy parenthood. This and many other factors required us to buy a car in Dubai.

I must say we were quite blessed to have a few friends in Dubai who took the pain to show us around some of the car showrooms so that we could take a decision. Dubai as you may know is a paradise for automobiles. Every possible brand ever made in this world finds itself a home in various showrooms in Dubai. We also observed that options for small cars like the one we were thinking in India were quite limited. Instead, sedans and SUVs were having a competition on Dubai roads about who is predominant. It is not an exaggeration if I said SUVs do have an upper hand in this city.

We weighed all our options. The distance between a Hyundai i10 and an SUV was alarming, both financially and emotionally. Truly speaking, we were not mentally ready for a shift from a hatchback to even a sedan, forget about the SUVs, which was a league altogether different. At least this is what we thought then. 

Since the options for hatchback were quite limited and considering the safety implications we finally zeroed in on a sedan, the one that made us equivalent to the CEO of my previous organization, at least in terms of transportation. Yes, we did buy a Toyota Corolla finally!

If you happen to visit Dubai, one of the first things, you will realize is, sedans like Corolla are nowhere near the boundaries of luxury in this city. This is a place where luxury gets redefined almost every day. A Corolla will probably make its cut as a mid-segment car among the sedans. Though this is the fact related to the status of the car we bought in Dubai, the news was probably not how it was perceived by a few folks. For them we made a jump from not having a car in Bangalore to driving a car that is driven by some CEOs of companies in India. A life of luxury indeed!

This story is not really an exception to the norm. In fact, each one of us need to ask the question, are we really the proverbial frog in the well when it comes to perceptions? Can we see the beyond by expanding our understanding of this world? We all tend to compare ourselves to those who seem to be living in perceived luxury. While this indeed is a human nature, we need to remind ourselves that a constant approach such as this will only ignite the inferior personality among us. We’ll end up feeling depressed and worst case is even becoming hostile in our attitude to others.

On the contrary, learn to appreciate the goodness in our life. Live in the present and appreciate what you have been blessed with than looking up to your never ending wants and feel sad about it.

Keep repeating yourself this mantra: Life is finite, enjoy every beautiful moment you have now!

Tunnel Riders

Alex and Nisha were at their parents’ place after a long gap of two years since Covid-19 pandemic ripped the world apart. There were many relatives they had to visit and decided to call on one of their uncles. It was a good feeling to catch up after a long time and all of them were quite happy to see each other after what was probably the worst two years in their entire life till date.

Among the conversation, a topic came up about a friend of Alex who works in Shimla, one of the most beautiful mountain regions towards North East of India. He had invited Alex many times to come over to Shimla and appreciate the magnificent mountains. Alex and Nisha discussed the plans with uncle and aunt to take a flight to Delhi and later a short flight to Shimla from there. That’s when uncle intervened and suggested a better option.

Alex’s uncle had done extensive trips pan India and was quite familiar with the geography across this gorgeous nation. He suggested taking a train from Delhi to Shimla as there were more than a hundred tunnels across the picturesque Himalayas. As soon as they heard this, both Alex and Nisha got quite excited and almost immediately started picturing the awesome trip through the mountains and valleys on a meter gauge train.

While Alex, Nisha and their uncle were soaking themselves in the lovely landscapes in their minds, their aunt who was listening to all the conversation spoke for the first time. She said, ‘What is the big deal in going through so many tunnels. It will be all dark and gloomy’.

The expression on the faces of other three souls present in the room could only be described with one word, ‘priceless’!

The above story is only a cross section of what we see in our daily lives. There are numerous such ‘aunts’ among us, be it in our family or among friends. These poor souls can almost never see the light at the end of the tunnel. Their minds are perennially stuck in the pitch darkness of the tunnels they cross during their lives.

People like these are always lost in the gloominess and in fact miss to appreciate the beauty as the train of life exits the tunnel into the wilderness and the heavenly panorama of lush green mountains and valleys. Instead they only see the train moving from one tunnel to the next and around them they will befriend only darkness and despair.

It indeed is a mindset. We may think that the worst pandemic in the recent history of mankind might have changed people. Even the most negative of people around us who survived the pandemic might have developed an appreciation towards life. Then again, experiences like this promptly corrects us by citing fantastic examples of perpetually negative human beings. These are personalities who could never think of anything positive in life.

Rain or shine, these people live and breathe negative. Imagine you successfully wrap up an extremely strenuous event for which you prepared relentlessly for a month. Everything went well and while you are beaming with joy, one of the above kind will come to you and cite the least of the imperfection and highlight it as the worst thing to have happened in the whole world. They will religiously fail to appreciate you or your efforts. This is a mental makeup in its deepest and darkest of shades.

So what do we do about this? Where possible help these individuals realize that they are treading the valleys of misery and in fact there is a highland of happiness that awaits them if they are ready to change a bit. More importantly when it comes to us, we need to be aware of the fact that human mind could be like a sponge where it could absorb all these negativity. Do not let it happen. But in the likelihood of that happening, ensure that you squeeze them out with an overdose of friendly positivity.

I am quite sure we can work together to bring in the much needed positive vibes and make the world a better place to live!

Kitchen Sink Teacher

I’m sure you must have heard the advice, ‘Couples should settle their disagreements before bed time’. This has been one of the age old pieces of wisdom passed on to us from generations and is supposed to be the mantra of a healthy relationship.

There is no denying of the benefit of this fact, provided you could truly achieve this! Keep aside the theory for a moment. Practically how often did you have a situation in your relationship that you just couldn’t solve the issue between you and your partner before bed time? You ended up sleeping on either ends of the bed or worst case, in different rooms. If you are smiling after reading this, I’m sure you understand what I mean.

Not to worry, this is something every couple in a ‘healthy relationship’ experience at least once (smiles widen here) in their life. What is more interesting is to know what happens the next day morning. Are you sulkier than what you were last night or you really feel refreshed? Can you say the same thing about your partner as well? If either of you don’t feel better, then the issue of last night will most likely get worsened.

If both partners are in fact feeling refreshed in the morning the chances are higher for the issue to be resolved in a few minutes after they are up. Now the question is how do some people achieve this? How can someone who literally fought like cats and dogs a few hours back mend ways and live happily ever after? What is that secret ingredient these people add to their sleep?

I really cannot speak for every one of these magicians out there who does their tricks in different ways. But I can definitely vouch for one such magic which was taught to me by a rather unusual teacher, the kitchen sink!

Have you ever tried to wash a heavily stained dish at home especially towards the end of a tiring day? How much ever hard you scrub it, even with the soap, you’ll find it next to impossible for the utensil to be deprived of the stain. Here is when you’ve two choices, especially when the dish you are trying to clean is testing your patience.

Choice one is to leave the dish in the sink and do nothing. Guess what will await your return to the kitchen next morning? A much more hardened stain for which you’ll possibly need a Himalayan effort to clean up.  

Choice two is what smarter people do. You take a deep breath and tell the dish that we’ve seen this and more. Once you get the psychological advantage over the dish, then you add a bit of dish wash liquid and fill the dish with water. Enjoy the beautiful view of bubbles reflecting the true colours of the dish while you head to the bed by leaving the worries at the kitchen door. The next day morning after you return to the kitchen, all what you have to do is swipe the dish with a brush by giving a gentle stroke as you would give to a baby. The dish will be squeaky clean and will reflect your smiling face just like in a mirror!

Bringing you back from kitchen to the rough evening between you and your partner. Just think that the stain on the dish is similar to the fight you had. You’re not able to resolve the issue and you’ve the same choices.

You can decide to leave it dry and make things worse the next day. Alternately both of you tell the fight that we’ve seen this and more. Once this is done, mutually agree that you can solve this issue, but probably need to sleep over it. This is the water and soap which will do the magic just like how it did for the dish. I’m sure you’ll be pleasantly surprised to see the positivity in you the next day morning when you get up. What you don’t realize is the fact that the stain is nothing but your ego and the mutual agreement is the secret ingredient that helped the ego melt away over the sleep.

All what is left to do is to give each other a quick hug and make up for the fight because love is the strongest emotion mankind ever experienced! 

That’s not fair!

Here’s a story of how a recent trip to Kerala redefined the meaning of being fair. We were on our way to my wife’s place and stopped at a corner store to get some fruits. I decided to get a few apples and oranges. A basket was kept right in front of the store with red apples neatly arranged. The shop owner asked me to get a few so that he can weigh it for me. As usual I picked up some that appeared without any dents and handed it over to him.

The apples weighed only about a kilogram. Since I wanted 1.5 Kgs, the shop keeper asked me to get a few more. I went back to the basket of apples and picked up some more just the way I selected the initial ones. The moment I placed the additional set on the tray I saw his face changing. Soon enough came the comment that redefined the phrase ‘being fair’ for me.

He said, “Oh! You have selected all good ones again! If you keep doing this I’ll end up not selling the remaining ones. Select something from the rest as well”.

Speechless would’ve been an understatement for my state of mind. For a moment I was not even sure if he really meant what he said. So I reconfirmed with him that he indeed want me to be fair to him and choose a few apples that are not the best.

Apparently, in this part of the world, customer is indeed the king, but at the mercy of the seller!

Tail End: I walked out of the store with 1 Kg of apples.

My Shoes Teacher

It had been a while since I bought a pair of leather shoes. So I decided the other day to go ahead and get a pair for myself. I had obviously tried it before buying and was quite happy about it. As expected I started wearing it to office the next day itself.

Day one was all good. The happiness and pride of getting a new shoes reflected fully on my face.

Day two, things started getting a bit prickly on the toes.

Day three, a slight bruise started developing above my heel.

Day four, the bruise gave way to a painful cut.

I started wondering if I did the right thing to buy this shoes. I was pretty sure I did all possible checks before deciding to buy the pair. Thoughts started flowing in of going back to the store to check with them what was wrong with the shoes.

Day five, since I didn’t have another pair to wear, I applied a plaster to the cut and wore the shoes again. It felt good, though still painful.

The story continued for a few more days and before even I realized my cut disappeared. The shoes made me feel so good that I couldn’t even believe that this was the same shoes that was painful for me. Now I can’t imagine going to the office without wearing this pair of shoes!

By reading the story till now, if you have drawn a parallel to a couple in a new relationship, don’t be surprised. While this may not be the case with all relationships, there are quite a few that go through such a strain.

As is the case with a new pair of shoes, everything will appear hunky-dory in the initial days. As the days progress, the couple may start experiencing a strain with respect to their shared life. This is quite natural, just like how the shoes started getting a bit prickly on the toes.

There could be times when the indifferences between the couple may escalate to a level where it turns out to be similar as the bruises or cuts given by the shoes. People at this stage start questioning about the choices they made with their relationship.

But don’t lose hope yet, since just like what happened with the new pair of shoes and your legs, it is only a matter of time before a truce is reached between the couple. There is a catch here though! A plaster on your legs did the trick with the shoes. What is the equivalent for this when it comes to relationships? You need a plaster made of patience and reduced ego.

When a plaster was applied to the bruises and cuts on the leg, it healed itself with time. In an exact manner have patience and give time to the bruises and cuts on your relationship. What appears to be an irreconcilable difference today will prove to be a matter of a simple misunderstanding if you give enough time to reconcile. Complement your patience with the virtue of an ability to reduce your ego. You will be truly surprised to see the wonders that get created in a relationship when you create a healthy mix of these two!

A word of caution though. These are things that every couple go through, new or old. The combination of patience and reduced ego may not come handy right from the beginning of a relationship. It may need to be cultivated as a habit over a period of time. What it requires is a conscious effort and an ardent desire to bring in positive changes to our life.

Just like many other life skills that we learn, this definitely is another life-saving skill that we all need to learn and apply all through our relationships. May you be blessed to acquire the skills of patience and virtue of reduced ego to enjoy a fruitful life together with your sweetheart!