Pappam or Papam?

One of the most recent debates that is taking rounds in the social media during March 2018 is attributed to a cover photo on a Malayalam magazine. Published from Kerala, the southernmost state in India, portrays a mother who is feeding her baby and has a tagline that says “Moms to Kerala: Don’t stare, we need to breastfeed”.

The girl in the picture is in fact a model who posed with the baby of a mother who was also present during the photoshoot. The big question that is trending now is, ‘Was she / magazine right in doing this’? There are quite a few supporters as well as critics for the assignment taken up by the young model.

The more I think about this debate, two words in Malayalam come to my mind. First one is ‘Pappam’ a term which babies use to denote the most natural feeding bottle available in the world. Second one is ‘Papam’ which means ‘sin’.

It is quite a strange situation that a simple organ in human body is looked at with such a wide spectrum of meanings. What is stranger is the fact that, sheer perception of human beings is what gives one the most innocent and an almost divine aspect whereas the other makes it an object that precipitates a state of a sin being committed that the society almost considers it a taboo!

A baby says ‘Pappam’ and look forward to the mother for quenching her hunger. The act by which the mother and baby becomes one again, is probably the only time after the umbilical cord gets severed. It is an experience something short of being one with God where you take part in sustenance of life on Earth!

The other side of debate borders around topics of sexuality and societal norms that demands women to cover their chest while feeding or otherwise. It is quite interesting to observe that not long ago, when caste system prevailed, there was a revolt in the state of Kerala among the lower castes fighting for their right to cover their chest!

Back to the big question, what is right? I doubt if we’ll ever get a single answer. What is the right thing to do when the same object is perceived by some as a symbol of selfless love and others as eternal icon of lust?

We’ve both sets of people around us and hence I think it is wise to leave it to the prudence of mothers to apply their judgement on what to do when they’ve to feed their little ones. You’ve a million pairs of eyes staring at your chest, of which some are of babies whereas others definitely not; both with an intention to satisfy hunger, with totally different perspectives!

Love your baby & stay safe!

Yin & Yang

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jan 2016

It was the last day of a weekend. My wife and I were at a shopping mall along with our two little darling angels doing some bit of shopping for winter. The mall was a bit far from our home and we had to drive for a while to reach the place. We were quite tired by the time we finished with the shopping. It was getting late and I started worrying about when we will be able to hit the bed since I had to head to office early in the morning the next day.

We somehow managed to reach home wading through the hectic return traffic of the weekend. All what I wanted to do was to get inside our home, finish the chores and catch at least a couple of hours of sleep. I started getting the bags out of the car and that’s when my wife made an announcement that was about to change our lives! She said she couldn’t find her phone!

The last thing I wanted to do at that given point of time was to search for a missing phone. Nevertheless I took out my phone and dialed her number. Fortunately it was ringing and though we listened for a ringing sound we couldn’t hear any from the car. No one answered the call too. A search for the phone in the whole car didn’t yield any result as well. I could feel my frustration building up. On one hand we had to get both the kids and ourselves to bed to catch some sleep. On the other hand there is this important gadget that is missing which contains lot of personal information that we can’t afford to lose.

I was quite angry at my wife for not even been able to keep safe a phone. Words of sarcasm started flowing out. I was really upset at how irresponsible she was. Obviously she was quite embarrassed with the incident and started getting worked up too. She had not just lost the phone, but now had to put up with me ridiculing her. Her natural defenses woke up and she started to cite all the reasons how she would’ve lost the phone. Justifications in different shapes and sizes were flowing in. The blame game just began.

It was the grand opening of a momentous fight in our life! The war of words went on for a while. We almost reached a stage where the fight with words were giving way to physical assault without even thinking that there were two pairs of little eyes watching us! We’ve seen and read many a times where such bitter fights usually end. It was not too different for us too. We reached a stage where we had to file a case citing ‘irreconcilable differences’. All because of a lost phone!

The picture I painted above was a bit of imagination. Let me now tell you what really happened. Let us go back to the point where my wife made the announcement that she couldn’t find her phone. I wondered what either of us was going to gain by raising our voices about the incident. Instead I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down. I then asked her to relax and assured her that with God’s grace we’re going to get the phone back. I then prompted her to recollect the last time when she saw the phone. Her mind, which was quite cluttered till a few moments back, started clearing up and she could trace her memory back to the point where she had held the phone last.

I suggested driving back to the mall though it was quite a task in itself. We prayed all the way back to the mall. I also held her hand and told her again that we’re going to get it. The phone was ringing all the while, but no one answered. We kept on calling hoping that someone will pick up. Finally after a while we reached the mall and just when we were stepping inside, someone answered the phone. It was the mall security who reassured that they’ve received the phone and asked up to identify ourselves and get back our lost device!

It was a huge eye-opener for both me and my sweetheart. A simple incident which would’ve ended up in a bad shape turned out to be one of the most beautiful evenings in our life. A decision not to react and panic led us to think clearly and reach a solution rather than blaming ourselves leading to even further complications in life. We now appreciate more, the power of prayer and the strength of bonding which we share.

Yin and Yang in Chinese philosophy describes how opposite or contrary forces are actually complementary, interconnected, and interdependent in the natural world [source: Wikipedia]. This was the day when we realized how important it is to be aware of these mighty forces that exist in the world. It is even more important to realize that our mind is quite powerful than any of these forces. It is only a matter of choice which way we steer our thoughts and subsequent actions.

May you have the power to differentiate between reaction and response, the former being quite destructive and the latter very constructive!

Wish you all a very positive and happy New Year!

Angel in the Train

Dedicated to MRK, my friend for reminding me what compassion is!

We were a team of twenty, awaiting our return train to Bangalore that evening from Dandeli. The past couple of days were amidst the lush green habitat Mother Nature offered us at one of the blessed terrains in North Karnataka. It was drizzling by the time we reached the station and soon it gave way to the typical downpour that blanket the tropical rain forest region of that part of the world. A few guys among the group had made arrangements for the dinner. The stray dogs on the platform looked at us yearningly for the remains of the hot biriyani we devoured.

The wait didn't seem to be endless with my fiancée on the phone who was patiently listening to all the experiences and adventures in the jungle. Soon, the rails at the far end of the station twinkled with the powerful light from the locomotive. The train stopped at the station with a shrilling cry, probably annoyed with the cold weather it had to endure. Though the station was not crowded, the compartments painted a different picture altogether. The linoleum covered floor reminded me of the jungle trail we covered a few hours before, of course the only saving grace was lack of leaches!

There were a few berths allotted to us as per the ticket. The berth in my name had a middle-aged man sleeping peacefully along with a boy who seemed to be his son. I'd half a heart to let them continue there, though my tired body wanted to do otherwise. It was one of those moments when fatigue won over empathy! I'd to ask both of them to wake up and leave the space for me. I watched part in shame and part with indifference, while they moved across to the next cubicle and sat there.

The rest of the team also parked themselves at the seats they could find awaiting the Ticket Examiner to allot berths for all. The verdict soon came and berths were made available for all in the next compartment. I got up and passed right in front of the father-son duo with a deeper shade of apology written all over my face. In fact I did say a sorry to them, which I'm not sure they heard.

We reached the berths allotted to us and started settling down. Ironical enough, one of the berths again had a father and son, but this time with a difference, the kid was much smaller. He was wrapped in a characteristic red and pink sweater which we find on kids from average middle class families. His father had wrapped a muffler also around his head. The face of the kid radiated so much of tranquility that none of us really wanted to disrupt. Nevertheless the need to have the berth made us to ask them to vacate. It was obvious that the father was helpless and he asked us for some time. He wanted the kid not to be disturbed till the time he found an alternative. We told him to take his time and off he went in search of a place where the two can spent the night together.

The face of the child was so angelic that it put us all in deep pain as we tried to comprehend the fact that we asked the father to vacate the place along with the kid. Lo and behold! MRK, the man with an interesting package of emotions, among the group, realized that we indeed have a free berth with one person less travelling, than originally planned! The father came back with an option of moving to a non-confirmed seat. He seemed to be really at a loss. To much of his relief we broke the news to him that he need not worry about the berth as they can use the current one.

We settled down pretty soon and were all happy that we didn't frighten the sleeping angel. Chit chat sessions followed which revealed that the man is a small time government employee at one of the village offices near Tumkur. They both were on the way to Bangalore. Further probing made us all felt aghast, with him revealing the actual purpose of their visit. The hardly 3 year old kid needed a heart surgery and was scheduled at one of the hospitals in the city the very next day!

We were completely dumbstruck and searched for words that could be some sort of solace to the father. But the gravity of the situation was so deep that words made a dubious escape from our lexis. We learned more about the situation and got to know that it was a case of a hole in the heart that could be cured with the surgery.

Needless to say we were relieved to hear, it was a curable case though the sheer thought that the tiny little heart beating inside that small body will have a rendezvous with the surgical knife was more than what we wanted to envisage. The thought became even more painful with the reminder that we asked the kid to be disturbed from his peace for the sake of able-bodied men wanting to take rest!

Before we all hit the bed for the later part of the night, pray we did for the success of the surgery and the speedy recovery of the kid. That was the least we could to make the family feel a little at ease. As the reality sunk in, multiple pairs of eyes were on the kid. A sea of emotions went through each one of our minds.

As though from a deeper instinct of the little self, the petite angel was smiling in his sleep…