The other side of the coin

We were on our first ever family trip to Europe! Though travelling along with a two year old and a six year old poses its own challenges, we decided to take the plunge. After a few days at Amsterdam and a short stop later at Cologne, we found ourselves on a train to Stuttgart in Germany. The journey was to be an average of three hours. We ensured to book seats for a section in the compartment designated for families especially with the little ones with us.

Kids as usual were super excited about every aspect of a vacation! They loved train rides especially and could feel their excitement in every new sight that came their way. Soon after the train left Cologne a pretty young lady came and sat near our area in the compartment. She had a book in her hand and a headset on one of her ears. As soon as she settled down, we could see her trying to catch-up with the reading. After a while I felt that she was not able to concentrate on the book, with the chatter of the kids. I could see her getting disturbed and I told our little ones to remain quiet.

The calm lasted a few moments as the excitement didn’t let them be seated for long. They were back in action shortly. So was the annoyance of the young lady. She tried to communicate through her glances and we tried without much luck to translate the message to the kids as well. The drama went on for a while.

As the train crossed half the distance we had to cover, the lady closed the book and looked at me. I could see rage burning in those eyes. She blurted out all her irritation on me and asked me to make the kids shut up.

Being a tourist in their country, I tried my best to remain composed and reminded her that she chose to sit at a designated family area and there is a limit to which you could keep the mouths shut of little children. I guess the message was delivered well. Shortly after that she moved to another area where she could bury her heads deeper into the world of imagination with her book.

We thought for ourselves that a trip that was to be full of beautiful memories might have been destined to end up with a bitter experience like this. While we were still trying to pacify ourselves, the train rolled on to the platform of Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof, the primary railway station in the city of Stuttgart. As I was taking out our luggage from the other end of the cabin I could see a middle-aged man approaching my wife and telling her something.

My wife and kids all got down from the train along with our stuff. I could see a glow on her face which did a wonderful job of removing the cloud of gloom that hung above her after the unpleasant incident on the train.

The man earlier told her, “Mam, I’m sorry for everything that happened between you and the young lady. Let her say anything she wanted, please don’t bother. You are blessed with two beautiful angels and I enjoyed every little sound made by your kids. They were music for my ears. The world cannot be deprived of such sheer joy. God bless your family!”

The rest of our trip was one where we could only find positivity all around us! 

In loving memory…. Really?

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Feb 2018

In the last one month I have seen three deaths in my family almost one after the other. All three were uncles and aunts with whom I grew up and spent my childhood. When the news of their death was known, the first thing that came rushing to my mind was some of the good old memories I shared with them. Obviously the number of incidents I remembered with love, varied from person to person.

I would like to call the aunt who passed away, ‘the bond’ of the family. She was the one who worked as the glue between various families on my mother’s side. She was so good with her hospitality that most of us cousins never had a second thought of which house to visit when we get a vacation. A whole lot of fantastic memories associated with my childhood is in and around that house. My aunt was not just a wonderful host but also made sure that her kids, my elder cousins, also extended a warm welcome to each one of us every time!

One of the uncles who joined the good God, taught me some of the basics about humanity. He reinforced the thoughts in me about the importance of treating all people equal. I also learned the ‘joy of giving’ from him, through his various actions. He was a silent teacher where his actions spoke louder than his words.

The people I mentioned above are only a few among many who left us with nothing but a bunch of memories. There are others whom we don’t even recall for good or bad. What’s more important for each one of us will be this question, “Will you be a loving memory after you are long gone?”

We all know we are here in this world for a short period of time. During this time some of us are lucky enough to be born in good families and create ourselves good ones too. What will be interesting is to do an introspection and check if we’re really creating good memories about ourselves. The best way to do this is to check how we lived our life till date and see if anyone will find anything good about it if we became part of history today.

Think about everything that we do for our dear ones. Ask ourselves, is this enough? Is there a room for improvement? Many of us fail to understand the realities that surround us just because we’re not a party to it. As long as we don’t have a first-hand experience of the difficulties faced by our dear ones, our empathies don’t hold much value. It is quite a challenge to overcome some of the practices or habits we have cultivated over a period of time. This includes and is not limited to various behavioural patterns such as addictions, lethargy and indifference to name a few. All these in one way or other increase the suffering of our dear ones either at present or soon in future.

Addictions in all cases destroy both you and your family either directly or indirectly. You’ll be depriving your sweethearts their right to live. Addictions such as smoking and drinking directly kills you and thereby lets your family suffer. Others such as social media or gadgets’ addiction denies them the quality time you should be spending with them thereby shaking the very base of your relationship as a family. All these thoughts are applicable for each one of us throughout our lives and is not just a one off case at some point during our short stay here in this world.

So what’s required for creating good memories of yourself? Motivate yourself to lead a better life. No one has ever said it is easy to overcome addictions or lethargy. It requires a strong will. Accept the fact if you need help and take it before it is too late and do what is required to sustain the change. It will hardly help yourself or your family while you are connected by a bunch of wires in an ICU. Promise yourself to be a better human being and promise again not to cheat yourself and in turn your dear ones.

It requires a lot of courage and strength to create and sustain good memories about yourself. May the good God help you with showers of blessings to find that one motivating factor that will help you push forward to achieve a better life for you and your family!

God bless!

Blessing of Haves

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jul 2015
 
Alex had promised his wife Nisha that he'll take her to the Mall in the evening as she really didn't want to miss the annual sale at the famous European store. It was a really hectic day for him and by the time he got out of office, he was almost dead tired. All what he wanted to do was to hit the bed so that he can wake up early in the morning tomorrow to finish the pile of work at office. Nevertheless he reached home and was reminded of his promise. Though not quite happy, he took her to the Mall where she was greeted with a shopping heaven as expected. The options available were endless and the best part was the price tags! She thanked God and the person who invented the concept of 'Sale'. 

The store was well lit and the dresses on display were quite tempting. She felt like taking the entire store back home. Of course since that was not practically feasible, the next biggest challenge was to decide what to choose. Naturally it took quite a long time and Alex ran out of his patience. He made some remarks which led to a few arguments and by the time they reached home, they were not speaking to each other anymore. Alex didn't even bother to say the prayers or wish his wife a good night. Instead he went straight to the bed and soon was fast asleep. 

Next morning, he didn't tell her a bye and in the blink of an eye he was out of the house heading to office. She didn't speak a word either and just closed the door after him though she was expecting with half her heart that he'll turn back before he took the elevator down. That never happened. Both of them felt miserable, but they had their egos to be pampered and that's exactly what they did as well. 

Alex soon got busy at work and before it was mid-day he got a call on his phone. Nisha's picture showed up on his phone screen and for a moment he had a grin on his face; the grin of a winning ego. He answered the phone expecting her subdued tone with his ego reaching its pinnacle. Instead he heard a man's voice, introducing him as a police officer. The words that followed melted all the mountains of ego he had built within himself, on top of which he was sitting with his false pride. His wife met with a terrible accident on her way to work and was taken to the City Hospital!

Alex drove like a mad man and reached the hospital in no time. Two things happened in parallel. Alex stepped into the reception of the hospital and frantically checked about Nisha. It was almost the same time when a nurse was covering Nisha's face with a sheet of white linen. The heart monitor showed a flat line. Alex was taken to her by someone there at the hospital. He removed the linen and looked at her face. It was still beautiful though now marked with some cuts and bruises. Those eyes which saw lots of dreams together with him were closed forever. Time seemed to have frozen around him. No one was moving and so was his sweetheart who was now lying in front of him. 

All the scenes from the previous evening suddenlycame back to him. He remembered not giving her a goodnight kiss. He denied the usual warm bye hug in the morning too. He didn't even turn back and wave at her before taking the elevator down and letting his ego go up! All that is over now. She is no more and he didn't even tell her a proper goodbye. All of a sudden, memories with her from the past came rushing and started suffocating him. He sat down on the floor and tears that were locked deep down somewhere started flowing. That was the moment of realization. He knew the blessing of what he had which he won't have any more. 

He was soon crying uncontrollably. No one could pacify him. All of a sudden he felt someone holding him by his shoulders and shaking him quite vigorously. He opened his eyes and though the tears blurred his vision, he saw a figure that he very well knew. Nisha was standing right next to him holding a cup of water which she earlier sprinkled on his face asking him to wake up before it gets too late for office!

It took a full minute for him to realize the nightmare he had. He looked at her and rubbed his eyes once more and without giving her much of a warning he gave her the tightest ever hug in their life. He was holding her as if he didn't want anyone to take her away from him even for a fraction of a moment. She was totally confused. He was crying and with a smile of great relief, looked at her eyes and said "I love you". 

Know the blessings that you have today. Do not wait to realize till the time they are taken away from you. 

God bless you all!

Security Encounter!

A few months back I was at a shopping center with my wife and my three year old son. While she was looking around a store, my son and I went for a quick stroll. We walked through the reception area of the building where a coin-operated massage chair was placed. There was a payment kiosk for a bunch of service providers next to the massage chair. While I was getting a massage done for myself, my little one started exploring the kiosk.

After a few moments I saw the security guard at the reception walking towards my son. I was sort of 'trapped' on the massage chair and was watching the scene with caution! He came next to my boy and started looking at him with a lot of interest. I could see his gleaming eyes and a tiny smile on his face. My son, oblivious of a stranger looking at him continued to check out the various buttons on the kiosk.

After a few moments, I was released from the clutches of the massage chair and I promptly got up. The security guy looked at me and smiled. I was still not sure what his intention was and so I returned the smile though with an element of suspicion. He looked at my son again and asked me, "Sir, how old is your little one?"

I replied, "He turned three last December".

He then asked me a few more questions about my son. He wanted to know about his schooling, playtime activities and a few other things. I answered him, though was not feeling very comfortable with these questions being asked. I felt an intrusion to our privacy.

I was almost ready to take my son away from the scene since I was getting worked up with these queries. That's when the man spoke again. The next statement he said disarmed me totally.

"Sir, I'm from Pakistan and it has been two years since I went back home. I left home on my son's first birthday. When I saw your little one I was wondering how mine will be looking like now."

I was speechless and soon my eyes got welled up. I took my son out and this time it wasn't because I was uncomfortable with the security guard, but because I didn't want him to see me in tears.

Irritometer!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Dec 2014

I’m pretty sure you must have heard or used any of the different types of meters you see around in your life, Thermometer, Speedometer etc. All these are meant to do some calculation and provide you with a result. Ever heard of a thing called Irritometer? This is something which you wouldn’t have seen, but is definitely working within you, but ironically you do not realize it.

Picture this. You are having a conversation with someone you love and care about. The ultimate aim of the conversation is to take a decision on an important topic which affects you both. Thoughts get exchanged; pros and cons get discussed; at times with differences cropping up here and there. The air gets tensed when the differences do not seem to get resolved. If you let the conversation continue in the same pace it’ll soon lead to heated exchanges between the two. This obviously will result in unintentional words spoken by either or both. These could probably hurt the ego and might lead to bigger issues and perhaps fights as well. Rest is history.

Now let us rewind a bit. Go back to the point where you start seeing the differences crop up in your conversation. You’ll begin to get a feeling of the air getting tensed. That’s the exact moment when the Irritometer in you gets kick started. You can sense the needle of the meter slowly coming to life. The Irritometer starts to calculate the level of irritation which results from a tensed conversation which touches upon the borders of ego clash.

Just like most of the meters, you could visualize the Irritometer indicating a low level of irritation initially, slowly moving towards a medium level and shoots up to a high level when it is guaranteed that all hell will break loose. It is absolutely important for you to know when this meter kick starts its operation so that you are aware of a potential danger ahead if the situation is not brought under control.

It doesn’t take much of an effort to listen to the Irritometer in you. It is a naturally given gift to all of us to realize when you start getting irritated. Many a times you will also know when a dear one gets irritated as well. The most prudent thing to do at that moment is to try not to aggravate the situation. There are people who realize this moment of irritation but do nothing to make things better. They just add fuel to the fire by letting the Irritometer switch to the next level.

We need to realize that it is part of a wonderful plan by our Creator that we all are designed with this amazing spiritual instrument, Irritometer. The instrument that allows you to sense the mood changes of your loved ones and lets you take the most logical action so as not to make matters worse. But the Creator has left the use of the tool and the follow-up actions to our discretion. It is one of the biggest responsibilities we need to undertake to ensure that we listen to the call of this meter and act accordingly.

Ensure that you keep an open mind during a conversation, listen to the Irritometer and identify the level at which the meter is on. Take the necessary course of action to ensure that the egos are not hurt by continuing with the factors that irritate you further. The actions that you could take may vary based on the level of relationship you share with your loved ones. For some, it could be a change of topic, for others it could be a simple hug or even a query to the other person asking if you are making them uncomfortable. These and many more can be devised to switch off the Irritometer so that your conversations are back on a smooth track.

We all are gifted with this wonderful skill of knowing what makes your loved ones irritated. May your Irritometers be in perfect working condition and be blessed with the providence of taking the right course of action when the meter kicks in! God bless you!

Gifting a Blunder!

I had known my dad's cousin, for a few years, as the lady who chose to remain single amidst the traditional family she was part of. During family functions, she was a topic of discussion as the one who committed an act that is next to a cardinal sin! Though no one despised her at home, I always sensed a melancholic tone when people spoke about her.

Perennially our society has been one that strongly based itself upon the notion of matrimony for existence and procreation. Every child who is born into this system is raised with a constant reminder of the need for this age-old institution. This belief gets deep rooted so much that, anyone who dares to tread a path that is different is seen as an outcast. This nature of the public always remained a fascination right from the time I started decoding the algorithm of relationships in a family.

The chapters of my life flew by and one fine day I ended up at the doorsteps of the same lady. I was to stay there for a couple of months as part of completing my Post Graduation project in that city. My alternate agenda was to explore more on the psyche of a single woman on whom the society had attached a taboo.

Pages on the calendar were flipped twice and by that time I had my realization in place. I could figure out the discrimination, the so called civilization had shown on her. In fact I really admired her for resisting the act of bigotry for almost half a century! She was indeed happy being single and had no regrets whatsoever, unlike the concern people had for her. I could feel the sense of freedom she cherished and not to mention her own space she treasured!

Single or otherwise, maternal instincts form an inseparable part of the genetics that constitute the fairer sex. I experienced that with the care she extended towards my well being. I was truly thankful to her for making me comfortable during the couple of months I lived there. It was more like an eye-opener for me towards the definitions world had in store.

It was time to bid farewell to the wonderful camaraderie we shared. I thought of parting ways by gifting her something she valued. She being an avid reader, what else other than a book, could be the best gift? Hours were spent to fish out a befitting book that spoke volumes about living life to the fullest. Something that genuinely complimented her spirit of being single!

I got the book covered in a lovely gift wrapper and presented with a contented heart. Her naturally beautiful face glowed as I handed over the gift and soon enough she started unwrapping it. Till date I am not really sure of the sort of emotion that crossed her face, as she took a first look at the cover of the book!

It read, 'Who Will Cry When You Die?'