Red Berries in the Snow

It was an extremely cold December morning in the year 2010 when I landed in one of the busiest airports in the world, London Heathrow International. The assignment was a requirement gathering session that was expected to last for a month for the client Travelodge. Far from the hustle and bustle of London, the taxi from the airport took me to a lovely small town called Thame where I was to spend the next one month before heading back home.

Travelodge, being in the hospitality industry, was where I stayed as well. Their head office was right across the road and was a mere ten minutes’ walk from the hotel. The location itself was a cosy combination of the hotel and a gas station complimented by a Burger King next door.

It became my routine for the next few days to leave the hotel, walk past the gas station and cross over to the other side of the road passing a roundabout and then reach the office, the approach road of which was lined with a row of trees. Being exposed to my coldest winter ever, most often than not I was walking with a warm jacket tucked close to my chest and my teeth chattering in the bone chilling cold. This was even after wearing a layer of thermals under the heavy jacket. It was COLD indeed, bold, and underlined.

A few days went by in this manner. One morning, as I got up and parted the curtain in my room, I saw the whole area outside turned white. It was snowing! My first ever snow in life. I was ecstatic to say the least. The walks to office continued. The snow could not deter my spirit of professional call of duty. Deep inside me I did not want to miss a single moment of this first in my lifetime experience of being in the snow.

The path to office didn’t change either, only difference being the white snow covering the entire stretch. The route next to the gas station, the footpath across the roundabout and the final stretch to the office, everything was covered in a white blanket that seemed to welcome me with open arms. It felt as though nature was welcoming me, but instead of a red carpet a white one was being rolled out.

There was one big difference though. As I was walking past the row of trees, I noticed a bunch of red berries on them clothed in snow. It was one of the most beautiful sights I had ever seen in my life. I asked someone in my office what those berries were. They said it was an edible variety and quite a tasty one that too, but once it snows you can’t have them since the texture changes, and it no longer became edible. As strange as it felt, I wonder why I never noticed them before, as they were apparently always there but it completely missed my sight. Unfortunately, till the end of my assignment in Thame, it continued to snow, and the taste of those berries remain elusive for me.

That is when it dawned on me. These berries are like the blessings in our life which are right in front of our eyes, but we fail to see them. They come in all forms and shapes. It could be a friend who is always there for you, but you never acknowledged them, or a facility offered by your company which you took for granted.

There are tonnes of these blessings hanging around us which we just zip past through since they are not clothed in anything at present. But a day will arrive when these blessings get impacted one way or other. Your friends may migrate to a different city, and you truly miss them since there is no one like them around. You may shift jobs and then realize how people friendly were the policies of your previous organization, but you were complaining then. All these are akin to the berries clothed with the snow which you can’t enjoy anymore. You look back and regret your past with a sigh.

Wake up, it isn’t late still! Hope and faith are two magical beings which still drive the world forward. As long as you are around in this beautiful world, take a moment to stop, look around and appreciate the berries alias blessings around you. Be grateful to people and situations that bring you these blessings. Do not wait till the snow clothes them for you to have a late realization.

Let there be snow, but you still reminisce the delightful taste of red berries. 

Being Positive

 Flying around like a beautiful butterfly

With a riot of colours and happiness galore.

The world was on my fingertips

And dreams were all that I adore.

Sky is the limit, was the mantra

Chanting I did, lying on my dewan.

Out from the blue came a bolt of shock

On it was written, Made in Wuhan!

Holed up in the house, feeling arrested

Fun, outing and everything else busted

Even a rare chance of getting out

Was a lost cause with cops all out!

When all hopes seem to be lost

A ray of light shined like a ghost.

All what my heart did was yearning

And the answer to that was E-learning!

Life bounced back with verve

Colours of hope was shining again.

Yes we still felt arrested, but

Happiness was what we did regain.

Lucky indeed am I, to be alive

Luckier in fact is my guessing

A thing my books could never teach

That survival is nothing but a blessing!

End of an era

If you lived in India in 1980s or 90s and were old enough to write sentences, you must have used or at least seen something called Inland letters. These were sealable letters with stamps pre-fixed and people used them to communicate with each other by writing on these and posting them in a post box.

As someone born and brought up in Kerala, a small state down south in India, I predominantly used the language of the state called Malayalam. Though my schooling was in English medium, the routine usage of English was very rare and hence my vocabulary also was quite limited.

Having set the context, I now want you to picture this. A sixty year old man who lived in Bombay, present day Mumbai, at that time asking me to write to him regularly in English on Inland letters. Once he receives the letter, he’ll read them and correct my mistakes with red ink and enclose the corrected letter in a cover and affix stamps as required and post them back to my address in Kerala! All of this with just one simple and noble objective of making my English better.

Can you imagine anyone in 21^st Century to be so selfless, go all the way and take pains to help someone to this extend? That, ladies and gentlemen, was my dearest Kochappappan!

Kochappappan, how we affectionately called him, was my grandpa’s brother who hailed from Changanacherry, my hometown in Kerala. Soon after his college days he made Bombay his home. From the time I could recollect, he was always referred as Kochappappan from Bombay! Every year he used to make sure that he kept aside a considerable amount of time to come down to Kerala to visit his brother and relatives.

Unlike many of our other relatives, Kochappappan whenever he visited Kerala used to stay with us for a month or so as we were in the ancestral house along with my grandpa. I always looked forward to receive him at our small railway station in Changanacherry, where he’ll promptly arrive on Jayanti Janata, the express train that came from Bombay which stopped for less than a minute at our railway station.

I used to wait eagerly for Kochappappan’s arrival. One, obviously to meet him and listen to all the stories he had to say about his life and how he was a self-made man. He was the youngest of the five siblings fully aware of the fact that his eldest brother, by grandpa, shouldered the full responsibility of a large family after the untimely demise of their father. Kochappappan was all but a three year old child during the time when he lost his father. As he grew up he was quite keen on reducing the burden on his brother and tried all possible ways to make some money so that he could pay for his fees and other expenses himself rather than depending on his brother. He used to write to various magazines and made a little bit of money that definitely helped him with his plan.

There was one other thing I looked forwarded to his visits.

Kochappappan never came empty handed. He always ensured to carry at least two boxes decorated usually in bright red colour paper with yellow graffiti design on them. The boxes contained a treasure that you could only find in Bombay back then! One of them was Bombay Halwa and other was Bombay Peda. The former was a confectionary which usually came in a variety of colours enriched with nuts and dry fruits and latter was a sweet made of milk. Imagine a time when you could literally see and feel the taste of these wonderful confectionaries only once a year! Something that we who live in this modern day world of expanded markets cannot even dare to imagine!

There are quite a few stories about Kochappappan which I cherish deep down in my heart. The priceless moments spent with him during my childhood is deeply etched as fond memories in my mind and I’m sure will remain there till my last breath. Every time Kochappapan took the train to return to Bombay a feeling of emptiness filled my heart but at the same time the sweetness of waiting for him to come back next year always helped alleviate that pain.

On 26 Oct 2020, Jayanti Janata left for one last time with Kochappappan as the sole passenger for a journey without a return. The train left the station with only one destination, heaven!

May your soul rest in eternal peace dearest Kochappappan and thank you for bringing a big difference in my life with your presence!  

Positive Batteries

The first time he heard about the assignment, Alex thought it was mission impossible! After some deliberation he decided to take up the challenge. The next few weeks were one of the most harrowing in his career. Numerous meetings and discussions, lot of new faces, heated arguments and finally at the end of the third week he had a feeling that he conquered the Everest. The project report was ready, sitting in a beautiful blue office file smiling at him.

Alex was confidence personified when he presented the report to the top management. He was more than sure about the decision in his favour to award him the work and was all set to start immediately. He even had a plan of action charted on how to execute this project over a period of next six months. The conference room was filled with positive vibes.

It didn’t take too long for the picture to turn gloomy. The management soon found reasons not to approve the financials proposed for the project. They asked Alex to rework on the whole proposal and submit it again. All what it took to water down the tireless effort of many weeks was just fifteen minutes. Devastated was an understatement to describe his mental state.

Alex couldn’t believe what just happened. To him, it was one of the most fool proof project plans he ever worked on. He signed the report in his blood! Yet…

Derailed with the thoughts he returned to his seat as a lost warrior. It was a sore sight to those who knew him. None of them had seen him in a state like that. Nisha, one of his colleagues, was the first one to approach. She had seen him work on the project and in fact helped him many times to get some contacts and data required. Alex had shown her a draft version of his report and she was equally confident that he’ll come out of the meeting in flying colours.

She convinced him to go down to the office café for a coffee. Neither of them spoke a word. She ordered his favourite latte and waited till he opened up. And when it happened it was nothing short of a downpour. Nisha acted very well the part of being a good listener. Alex appeared quite relieved at the end of his rambling.

She then convinced him that not everything was lost and asked him to look at the brighter side of things. With the work done, he now has direct access to at least ten new people in the organization and a couple of them at CXO level. In addition, he delved into an area which he always wanted to learn, but never got an opportunity and this is exactly what happened this time. On top of all this he got a slot to present an innovative idea to the top executives. The best part was, they didn’t reject his idea which happened for many and was the end of journey for most of them. On the contrary they wanted Alex to review the proposal from a different angle and present again. The door was still open!

He looked up from the latte cup. Nisha could see the sparkle on the coffee foam reflecting in his eyes. The energy that seemed to have lost started making its way back and with a stronger conviction this time.

Soon enough, Alex was back at his desk and in a matter of days he presented the revised proposal to a larger group, the Board of Directors. This time, there was no turning back. The Board unanimously approved his plan. The project was launched and was completed in record time. The return on investment was unprecedented in the history of the company that Alex soon found his name in the list of Chairman Award winners that year!

Standing on the podium, after receiving the award, Alex just made one statement, “Thank you Nisha, for being a positive battery in my career!”

The other side of the coin

We were on our first ever family trip to Europe! Though travelling along with a two year old and a six year old poses its own challenges, we decided to take the plunge. After a few days at Amsterdam and a short stop later at Cologne, we found ourselves on a train to Stuttgart in Germany. The journey was to be an average of three hours. We ensured to book seats for a section in the compartment designated for families especially with the little ones with us.

Kids as usual were super excited about every aspect of a vacation! They loved train rides especially and could feel their excitement in every new sight that came their way. Soon after the train left Cologne a pretty young lady came and sat near our area in the compartment. She had a book in her hand and a headset on one of her ears. As soon as she settled down, we could see her trying to catch-up with the reading. After a while I felt that she was not able to concentrate on the book, with the chatter of the kids. I could see her getting disturbed and I told our little ones to remain quiet.

The calm lasted a few moments as the excitement didn’t let them be seated for long. They were back in action shortly. So was the annoyance of the young lady. She tried to communicate through her glances and we tried without much luck to translate the message to the kids as well. The drama went on for a while.

As the train crossed half the distance we had to cover, the lady closed the book and looked at me. I could see rage burning in those eyes. She blurted out all her irritation on me and asked me to make the kids shut up.

Being a tourist in their country, I tried my best to remain composed and reminded her that she chose to sit at a designated family area and there is a limit to which you could keep the mouths shut of little children. I guess the message was delivered well. Shortly after that she moved to another area where she could bury her heads deeper into the world of imagination with her book.

We thought for ourselves that a trip that was to be full of beautiful memories might have been destined to end up with a bitter experience like this. While we were still trying to pacify ourselves, the train rolled on to the platform of Stuttgart Hauptbahnhof, the primary railway station in the city of Stuttgart. As I was taking out our luggage from the other end of the cabin I could see a middle-aged man approaching my wife and telling her something.

My wife and kids all got down from the train along with our stuff. I could see a glow on her face which did a wonderful job of removing the cloud of gloom that hung above her after the unpleasant incident on the train.

The man earlier told her, “Mam, I’m sorry for everything that happened between you and the young lady. Let her say anything she wanted, please don’t bother. You are blessed with two beautiful angels and I enjoyed every little sound made by your kids. They were music for my ears. The world cannot be deprived of such sheer joy. God bless your family!”

The rest of our trip was one where we could only find positivity all around us! 

When I met a Prince

It was early 1990s. The small town of Changanacherry in Kerala woke up to an incredible news! We’re going to have an exhibition in our little town. So what’s the big deal about exhibitions? Has there never been exhibitions before? Of course there were many and people loved to be a part of these. So what’s different this time? What was getting exhibited made all the difference now. It was something the town only started hearing off late. An exhibition of a curious invention called ‘computers’ that is meant to change the world!

Getting ready to step into my teenage years, I was obviously super excited with the prospect of seeing this magical thing. All of us in the town counted the days to the exhibition and awaited in anticipation. Finally the day came and people flocked in large numbers to see the machine nick named as the game changer of the world.

We got into the building where the exhibition was conducted. I remember standing in a long queue and waiting for my turn to be near a computer. Soon enough, we stepped into an air conditioned hall, which itself was a luxury in my town. There they were! A few boxes, some in square shape and others rectangular. Got to know later that they were known as monitor and CPU.

There was a glass partition between the viewers and the magical boxes. There was no way of touching a computer. The exhibition literally allowed you only to have a glimpse of future! There were two or three computers, each one of them displaying some or other images. One of the computers attracted a huge crowd, especially kids. The organizers of the exhibition were having a tough time to control the crowd.

It was finally my turn to be in front of the most happening of the computers. There in front of me stood a small square box where certain pictures could be seen in black and white. Some of the images from the book One Thousand and One Arabian Nights appeared to come alive in front of me. Shortly enough came a writing on the screen, it read ‘Prince of Persia’. I was seeing a computer game for the first time ever in my life!

He was the simplest of the Prince I ever imagined! Pictured in a dungeon wearing a white jump suit trying to reach a level where an imprisoned princess awaits him to be saved. It was to be the most exciting game I’ve ever played in my life. Needless to say the exhibition was a grand success!

Little did I know that day, in a couple of decades I’ll literally end up in Middle East with my job in the land of Royals next to erstwhile Persia!  

The Fragrance

This was a few years before India started to hear words such as globalization and liberalisation. For a school going kid, a visit from an NRI uncle and family in Gulf had the excitement similar or even more than the annual feast at the local church.

Starting from preparations to receive the family to getting up at odd hours and waiting impatiently to get into a Tempo Traveller to head to the airport, obtaining the pass to the visitor’s gallery at the airport, rushing to find a suitable spot in the gallery, the anticipation of arriving aircraft, opening of the doors, counting the passengers getting down one by one and finally sighting the familiar faces of uncle and family, all contributed to the greatest experience of the year!

The icing on the cake was seeing the number of large bags uncle brought with him since everything about those bags was new to the pre-globalization eyes of a school going kid. As soon as we reached home, the baggage were promptly taken to the room that awaited their visit. Soon enough the whole room will have a very unique fragrance, the likes of which only comes with an NRI Gulf family of those times!

The days ahead will be filled with surprises after surprises. The joy of receiving a gift, the happiness of seeing things beyond your imagination and the overall experience of being with someone who crossed the proverbial seven seas were all adding to the experience.

A month will fly by and soon it will be time for uncle and family to return to their NRI status. I hated the trips to airport to see off someone, nevertheless I did go many times. Through tearful eyes we bid goodbye. It was a heart breaking moment to stand on the same viewer’s gallery and watch the aircraft take off.

You return home and try to relive the happy moments in the now empty room. All that remains is the fragrance from the bags that were in the room.

James Mukkadan, my uncle, who gifted me all those priceless moments is no longer with us as he joined the Creator earlier today (27 Nov 2019), for a well-deserved eternal life. He leaves behind a great legacy.

I now realize something more important. Uncle, what you left behind in that empty room was not just the fragrance from your bags. It is a whole lot of memories that you created with your genuine love and care. You will be deeply missed and remembered forever! 

Game of Gods

I could see the father and son in the game room staring at the black and white squares on the chess board. No other game gifted these two the kind of adrenaline rush this one created. What can be more exciting than deciding the destiny of people you see around everyday?!

I took a closer look at the pieces on the board. They all looked like someone or the other I know. King had dad's face and queen resembled mom. Knights, bishops, rooks, pawns... They all were either family or friends.

Something baffled me though. The game is in an auto-play mode. The pieces move at their own command. There are defined rules, though at times a few are broken. That’s when I see the father getting involved. He'll mercilessly knock down the piece that didn’t follow the rule. The son though pleads every time to give them a second chance which he manages to get.

This continued for a while. All of a sudden something bothered the father. Soon enough he turned red with anger. Even before the son could do anything the father shook the entire chess board!

I saw the queen falling down along with the knights and rooks. But the son managed to retain them on the board. The bishop was not that fortunate. Though the son reached out he helplessly watched him fall through the crack of the fingers and hit the floor head first.

Somewhere far away, mom, the queen, got admitted in a hospital. A couple of cousins, the knights and rooks, had to go to clinics feeling sick.

Tomorrow is the funeral of a friend, the bishop, who met with a freak car accident!

The game continues...

Deputy of God!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2018

It was a few minutes past midnight on a cold and dark winter during January 2018. My two year old daughter woke up screaming ‘Amma’! She scrambled out of the bed and dashed towards the living room through the darkness, totally ignoring my attempts to pacify her. I switched on the light and it took a couple of minutes before she realized that we were still in the middle of the night. Fortunately I could calm her down and soon she was back on the bed sleeping peacefully through rest of the night.

This was just a beginning! One of the many incidents that made me realize that we’ve a very special person in our family, whose absence is too significant to be filled by anyone else. A few hours before the incident, I had dropped my sweetheart at the airport. She had to leave to India, alone, for an unavoidable trip for 3 days. With full confidence and days off from office planned, I took charge of our little ones, 6 year and 2 year old assuring her that everything will be alright. Little did I know what I was signing up for!

Our son had earlier showed signs of a developing cough and cold. It was as though the cold and cough were scared of the mother that soon after her flight took off, it broke all barriers. He was coughing and sneezing badly. I had initially planned to send him to school the next day, but with this, I decided otherwise. I couldn’t have imagined what I’ll end up with this decision.

I’ve two little monsters on the loose in a recently moved in house void of a very important person and there I was, like a man on a boat sailing on a seemingly peaceful river in an unexplored jungle with a blind turning ahead, beyond which awaits a steep waterfall to take me all the way to the rocky bottom into a mysterious abyss!

Next three days were filled with lots of incidents, some of which were thankfully managed and others where I felt like being driven to my wit’s end. I always thought and was even proud of myself that I am one of those husbands who helped their wives at home, the ones especially without a maid, so as to bring in an element of balance in the family. I was totally mistaken.

There have been multiple times during these three days when I stopped for a moment and wondered how in this world did my wife manage to do all these in a day?! All of a sudden I found myself attaining an enlightenment on the world of a ‘maid-less housewife with kids’ and the battles they’ve to fight on a daily basis while their spouses think that the petty issues they face in offices are nothing short of a World War.

I am now blessed with a completely renewed respect for such super humans who qualify for a title nothing short of ‘Deputy of God’. The amount of challenges they have to juggle around with are simply endless. This is something which others in the family will never get to know unless experienced first-hand.

It is quite natural for a lot of us to take our dear ones for granted. We’re not tuned to look at the daunting tasks each of our family members go through every day, especially the ones who choose to stay at home and look after the kids. This does not mean that the work done by the traditional bread-winners are less important. From the incident portrayed above, I would even strongly recommend every bread-winner in a family to go through such an experience which I’m quite sure will help you turn out to be better human beings and even result in a more loving family.

After what seemed like ages, finally the day came when the life of our family returned. We picked her up from the airport and as soon as we were all together back home, we gifted her with a beautiful picture frame where the letters read: “World’s Best Mom”!

Dedicating this to all loving mothers across our families and all those fathers who take an effort to appreciate these unsung heroes!

God bless. 

Demons from Heaven!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jan 2018

I remember seeing an advertisement a few years back. A young father is shopping with his son in a supermarket. The little boy keeps a big packet of chocolates in the shopping cart. The father keeps it back. The son promptly returns the packet to the cart and stands there with his arms folded as if challenging his dad. The father keeps the packet again on the stands. The kid takes a deep breath and starts screaming on the top of his voice. The whole supermarket comes to a standstill and stares at the kid but even more at the dad. The ad ends with the face of a completely helpless dad with a caption showing the brand of a contraceptive urging the viewer to use it!

The above scene is not completely alien to us. We all must’ve seen or experienced similar scenes while shopping. There are quite a few couples in the world today who get influenced by the message passed on by such an advertisement and decide not to have kids in their lives. For them, kids are nothing but a nuisance or little devils. There are also a few couples who decide not to have a second child for the same reason or think that they have served their purpose as parents in this world by having one child. Ads like the one I mentioned above masks a complete spectrum about kids from the viewers. A prospective parent or a bride and groom to be who sees such an ad won’t see the other side of fence. Though having kids can be argued as a purely personal choice, here are some of the thoughts related to parenting.

Yes, kids can be demons at times, but they are demons from heaven! No kid in this world has ever asked their parents to bring them to this world. It is a choice that the parents make. Hence as parents it is not ethically correct for us to blame the kids for their behaviour which by itself is inherited from us or our ancestors.

One quite interesting fact which many of us don’t realise about parenting is that both the ‘parents’ and the ‘child’ share the same age, especially with the first child. A parent is born on the same day as the first child. Parenthood is a completely new experience for the couple who till that day didn’t experience a third person in their life. The magnitude of change that brings in with this new status in their life is huge, most often a bigger change than getting married itself! Obviously it will take a long time for anyone to get adjusted to such a change.

Your second child arrives and a magic happens! Without you even realizing it, you mature yourself as parents. You are no longer the same novice parents when you had your first child. Being more matured as parents equips you to handle the tantrums of kids better. What’s even more interesting and at times embarrassing is the truth some of us realize that you could’ve loved your first child even better if you’d known what a child really needs. It is very similar to getting experienced in a job that makes you do the job better than having no experience at all.

There is more to parenting than just the experience of being a parent. You will become better in managing finances since you’ve to now plan for additional member(s) in the family. Every other expense in life will now be multiplied with the number of kids you’ve. Decisions on careers many a times get influenced based on kids. Some of us stop working altogether whereas others have to shift jobs to ensure financial freedom and security. Without these little devils we would’ve just continued working where we were earlier. The choices you make on almost everything in life get influenced with kids. The movies you see, the cars you buy, the vacation you plan or even a simple decision as a restaurant to have dinner are just a few examples where kids directly or indirectly influence your decisions.

All these and more are nothing compared to the beautiful sight of your little ones hugging you dearly and sleeping peacefully looking forward for another bright and beautiful day where they can spent time with the God that they can see in this world, that’s none other than you!

Here is wishing you a beautiful parenting experience which is nothing short of being one with God.

Wish you all a very happy new year! God bless! 

Two minutes of silence!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - June 2017

A while ago in one of the articles, I’d mentioned about an advice my boss gave me about life after marriage. When I shared my apprehensions about getting married, he said, “Jerry, getting married is nothing! The moment you become a dad or mom; that is what I’ll call a game changer! Rest everything is pretty simple!”

His advice definitely took shape when we became parents for the first time. It didn’t stop there. We hardly knew what we were signing up for when we became parents again! If having a child was a game changer, having two kids is a whole different game altogether!

The two little brats, a five year old boy and a little girl who is yet to turn two, make our home buzzing with activities that seem to be going on for almost 24/7. There is something or other happening around us all the time. The house is filled with the noises of their fights, their cries, their toys and what not. It is a war zone daily out there and many of the days, my wife and I have reached our heights of patience and it is indeed a wonder that our sanity still clings to its dear life!

While things were going on like this, one weekend I was about to have my breakfast. It was corn flakes that day and our little girl came running to me for her share. As usual I gave her a spoonful of the cereal. I usually mix my cereal with some healthy nuts and dry fruits to make it richer. After a few more spoons she stopped asking me for more. Instead she suddenly appeared to be tired and showed signs of being sleepy. It looked so strange since she just woke up only a few minutes back from a very sound sleep. Little did we know that a spine-chilling drama was about to unfold!

She soon started yawning and we continued to wonder what’s wrong. A few more minutes went by before we realized that there could be a portion of nuts or so stuck in her throat. We tried our basic understanding of how to deal with such situation, but with no results. The baby started showing signs of weariness.

Soon enough her eyes started rolling up which definitely is a sign of danger. We tried our best, to check if she can spit out anything at all that may be stuck in her throat. Finally we decided that keeping her at home will make things worse and quickly got ready to drive her down to the nearby hospital. That very moment she started coughing very badly and it was soon followed by her throwing up what she had including half a piece of a walnut!

Immediately after this, our little girl was back in action. All her tiredness and sleepiness seem to have disappeared into thin air. The yawning and rolling of eyes gave way to non-stop activities and lighting speed tactics. Having said that, the two minutes when she was almost near the bridge that connects this world with the other, was a defining moment for us. It was indeed an eye-opener.

We realized that our house was unusually quite during those two minutes. The usual hustle and bustle was suddenly missing. There were no longer cries of happiness, instead was only cursed with an eerie silence! The running behind the kids was replaced with a frantic run for saving a precious life. We longed for her to do something mischievous so that we can see her naughty smile when scolded, instead we only saw a pair of eyes that was soon losing its brightness. We saw doom coming!

What happened next was something we strongly believe as the intervention from a super-natural being. The cough she started having was God send which resulted in her throwing up the piece of walnut that was stuck deep down in her throat. We were so fortunate to have our little one back to her normal life soon!

It was a lesson learned, a very painful one indeed. The incident taught us not to wait for the silence from our dear ones to realize how important they are. What we many a times perceive as noise is in fact the sweetest of music from them, provided we learn to train ourselves to listen to it. 

May the good God bless us with the providence to realize such music in life and appreciate every note of it! 

Thank You!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - May 2017

Alex and Nisha were on the last day of their beautiful vacation. They prepared to vacate the resort and reached the reception to settle the bill. It was quite a hefty amount, but were more than happy to part with it since they were quite delighted with the service provided by the resort folks. The rooms were always neat and tidy. The food was delicious. Laundry was done on time and had an alluring fragrance always. Overall the stay was absolutely a beautiful experience that they both felt pretty much at home!

On their way to airport to catch their return flight, the couple recollected the warmth of service provided by the team at the resort. That’s when it struck them! Everything what they experienced at the resort came with a price tag. Whereas when the same things happen back home without even having to pay a single penny, they never even bothered to acknowledge each other.

Alex and Nisha had taken a decision not to hire a maid at their home and planned their schedules to manage the house-hold chores themselves. Just like what they experienced at the resort, their house was always neat and tidy. Nisha creates magic with her culinary skills. Alex ensure that there was hardly a day when they had a situation of not having washed clothes and almost has a passion to do the dishes. All of these and many more were happening as a well-oiled machinery at their home, but neither of them ever said a thank you for any of these.

Many of us who are married are not different from Alex and Nisha. For us, the responsibilities we take up or what our partners handle are all part of life. It is a natural activity in our daily life and we all conveniently take them for granted. Having said this, it doesn’t mean that we need to start paying each other and say thank you when each and every task gets completed. On the other hand, being thankful need to be reflected in our daily behaviour to one other.

Realize that being a family means, going through all these activities every other day. At the same time ensure that each one of them get their roles acknowledged. Thanking your better half need not necessarily be expressed in kind all the time. It could be a simple gesture of giving a kiss or a hug at the least expected time and tell them what that was for. It could also be in the form of doing an activity for your partner which is usually done by him/her. The whole idea is to bring in a surprise element which by itself talks out loud about being thankful.

There is a huge challenge about taking things for granted. We don’t invest in thinking how to bring difference in our life since these happen naturally and we don’t even realize that we could do differently. You need to willingly put an effort in doing things out of the way. Else it’ll lead you to one of the biggest mistakes in life, which is monotony! Look around and look within yourself. You’ll see quite a lot of families that lead a carbon copy life. One day is exactly the replica of the other. Nothing changes ever.

The only way to get out of this maze of monotony is to think either together or individually on how to bring in those differences in your life. It can be subtle changes like the examples I gave earlier or can be larger ones where it may involve a bit of investment in the form or gifts or planned trips etc. Either which ways all these will lead to breaking of monotony which in itself is a way of thanking each other for the wonderful life you are gifting each other for your family!

Lastly, if you’ve not been doing it, you could also start a practice of gifting yourself. You have done very well and you deserve to be thanked by a gift for yourself. The magnitude of the gift is what you need to consider. It could range from as simple an activity as gifting yourself an ice cream or a chocolate to a more expensive gift that such as a piece of jewellery on which you had your eyes for a long time. All what you need to ensure is take care of the family budget and the confidence of your partner.

Let us learn to be more thankful to our sweethearts. Just because you are married doesn’t mean that you take your partner for granted. Give them the credit for the part they play because they simply deserve it.  

God bless you!

Security Encounter!

A few months back I was at a shopping center with my wife and my three year old son. While she was looking around a store, my son and I went for a quick stroll. We walked through the reception area of the building where a coin-operated massage chair was placed. There was a payment kiosk for a bunch of service providers next to the massage chair. While I was getting a massage done for myself, my little one started exploring the kiosk.

After a few moments I saw the security guard at the reception walking towards my son. I was sort of 'trapped' on the massage chair and was watching the scene with caution! He came next to my boy and started looking at him with a lot of interest. I could see his gleaming eyes and a tiny smile on his face. My son, oblivious of a stranger looking at him continued to check out the various buttons on the kiosk.

After a few moments, I was released from the clutches of the massage chair and I promptly got up. The security guy looked at me and smiled. I was still not sure what his intention was and so I returned the smile though with an element of suspicion. He looked at my son again and asked me, "Sir, how old is your little one?"

I replied, "He turned three last December".

He then asked me a few more questions about my son. He wanted to know about his schooling, playtime activities and a few other things. I answered him, though was not feeling very comfortable with these questions being asked. I felt an intrusion to our privacy.

I was almost ready to take my son away from the scene since I was getting worked up with these queries. That's when the man spoke again. The next statement he said disarmed me totally.

"Sir, I'm from Pakistan and it has been two years since I went back home. I left home on my son's first birthday. When I saw your little one I was wondering how mine will be looking like now."

I was speechless and soon my eyes got welled up. I took my son out and this time it wasn't because I was uncomfortable with the security guard, but because I didn't want him to see me in tears.

Love beyond a century!

It was the first time in 33 years I was stepping into an empty room on the North East side of my home. The room belonged to one of the legends in our family, my dearest grandpa, whom we affectionately called Achayan. The majestic teak wood cot that was an ancestral property was lying there strewn with pink oleander flowers. The same cot that was used by Achayan for the most part of his life seemed to be crying in silence. I slowly moved my hand over the wooden railings and I could hear that telling me, “Gone my dear, the man who loved us both will now remain only as a memory”.

The head table was beautifully arranged with a crucifix that came from the church along with two long candles resting on chromium finish stands. Fragrant smoke filled the air from the incense sticks reminding that the body and soul are no longer together. In between all these stood a life-like picture of Achayan wearing his classic pure white shirt adorned with his favourite coloured shoulder towel. The jasmine garland that bordered the photo frame appeared to reflect the fragrance of a life lived to the fullest by a man who shaped the future of multiple generations of the family. Through the black frame of his specs I could see those eyes that have seen every stage of my growth. They seem to tell me, “It is just my body that’s gone; I’m leaving my soul with you forever”!

All his eight children were there, together for one last time to be with their father. It just felt like yesterday when they all came together with their spouses, children and grandchildren to celebrate 100 years of the blessed life of Achayan. They all relived the memory of that moment though it was almost two years back. He was indeed a blessed man to have seen six generations throughout his life and was fortunate to see all his sons and daughters along with his grandchildren and great grandchildren a few days before it was time for his soul to depart this temporary abode. His words towards his final days showed the content of a man who proudly endorsed the verse, ‘I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith’.

30 October 2014, Thursday

The day progressed with the necessary preparations to bid adieu to a man who deserved every bit of a most respectful farewell. You’ll be surprised to know how well planned Achayan was to have even the expenses for this function kept ready and had instructed my dad to take care of everything as time arrives. He was a fiercely independent man and would’ve loved to remain so even after he was gone.

It was post noon when a few of us from the family left to the hospital where the body was preserved in negative temperature. The man-in-charge of the morgue arrived shortly and after asking all of us to stand aside, opened the sealed door with a dramatic gesture. He waited for a few moments before stepping inside and pulled out a stretcher. It was a multi-cubicle cabinet, but my grandpa was the only occupant of that section. As if, forty long years of living a bachelor life after losing his sweetheart wasn’t enough!

We were asked to wait outside and a few minutes later Achayan was all dressed up in the usual attire including his characteristic shoulder towel. The hands that once held me close were now tied together with a small crucifix kept in between them and decorated with a black threaded rosary. A quick prayer followed before he was taken on an ambulance in a procession back home for one last time; the same home he built 64 years ago.

The entire family was waiting. Those steps in front of the house which Achayan had climbed up and down countless number of times saw him being lifted by a bunch of his beloved ones. He was taken into the room on the North East where the cot welcomed him with open arms. It knew that there won’t be another chance to provide the comfort that it always gave this man. Achayan was then adorned with a crown made of white roses. Shortly after that he was taken to the main hall where a mobile coffin was awaiting him extending a frozen welcome with minus thirteen degree Celsius. This was to be his resting place till the next day morning when the actual coffin will extend a much warmer welcome. A wreath of white flowers gave him company in the coffin on which was a small piece of paper with the words, ‘With lot of prayers – Children’.

It was an evening of avalanche of visitors from different walks of life. Priests of various age dropped in to pay respects to a man with whom they were associated with over decades of service as a Trustee of Changanacherry Metropolitan Church as well as a socio-religious figure who was prominent in the same Diocese. Various families and their representations were among the numerous people who came to see Achayan for the final time. Prayers were flowing incessantly, so were the white flowers both proclaiming to the world the purity of a life well lived spanning a hundred years and more.

...And there was evening and there was morning, it was soon the final day in the life of Chacko Joseph Mukkadan to be physically present among the people whom he loved and who loved him.

31 October 2014, Friday

It was now 101 years, 5 months and 3 days since the world had enjoyed the esteemed presence of Achayan, living or otherwise. As it is with everything mortal it was time for him to rejoin his Creator which he did four days back, to be precise, on the early morning hours of 27 October 2014. Nevertheless the physical remains need to get the required attention through the prayers of fellow beings and loved ones.

Early in the morning itself the coffin that will be Achayan’s resting place below a six feet deep earth was ready with jasmine garlands. He was soon shifted to this new box which is probably the only thing that fits the age-old proverb ‘The buyer doesn’t need it and the user doesn’t know it’. The courtyard next to the house was dressed up in pure white doing away with the traditional black laced design. The coffin was placed amidst an array of white roses. Candles and incense were burning throughout.

Soon the place started getting filled with scores of people flocking in to say a final goodbye to the grandfather of the town. Seven months into his 102^nd year on this planet, Achayan was the oldest man in the town. The air was filled with prayers for the departed soul which was meant to give an easier access to the gates of heaven. A few of the priests and a couple of selected guests spoke about Achayan in between. They all reiterated how he led a good life, a real role model for current and future generations.

The final set of prayers at home started sharp at 10:00. The songs that were played would’ve melted even the hardest of the hearts. There was a quick rush of last minute farewell. People were still flowing in and so were the tears from dear ones. Everyone knew one thing for certain. This is not just another moment. Instead, one in perhaps a millennium, when a blessed soul as this, leaves behind a legacy that is unparallel in the society. Those were the final moments to be with this amazing personality who once blessed all of us with his life.

The prayers and songs have reached a pinnacle when the coffin was lifted to be taken to a van that was waiting outside. That was the last time Achayan was to see his home. The home where he lived and raised his children; the home where he built his dreams and taught his children to follow theirs; the home where he decided against all odds to give the best possible education to all his children; the home where all his children became graduates and more, a rare feat 40 years back; a home where he spent quality time with his family and told them how important it is to maintain ones character, health and wealth in that order; the home that saw him lead a very healthy lifestyle in all respects; the home that was this and many more to him. I’m quite sure he wouldn’t have liked to say goodbye but the angel of death gave him no choice. Nevertheless it remains a fact that he was one contented man who performed all his duties well on time and left nothing incomplete. He was all set to take the journey of his eternal life and that’s what he just began.

The van with the coffin carrying Achayan headed towards the church in a procession with near and dear ones for their last walk along with him. The church compound was quite crowded with people coming in to pay their last respects. This was the same church where Achayan spent a considerable amount of his life as a Parish Trustee as well as advisor to various initiatives of the church. The coffin was taken through the same courtyard where he walked with his open umbrella. Interestingly someone decided to hold an umbrella open, protecting him from the sun during his last few moments in this world.

The coffin was placed in the cemetery church where Archbishop Mar Joseph Powathil led the prayers. At the end of these prayers, Achayan was taken outside the church to the centre of the cemetery where the coffin was placed on a stand and the last bunch of prayers began. It was then time for the most difficult of the rituals for the family. The time to bid adieu to your most beloved with a parting kiss! The last of your closest moments with him ever, the moment that will be etched in your minds till the time memories last in you.

The line was long to give a parting kiss. Time went by and the queue became lean. The last person also kissed him goodbye. Achayan’s hands were untied and kept sideways. Before the coffin was sealed, there was one person who wanted to say bye to Achayan again. He stepped forward, closer to the coffin, leaned towards Achayan’s forehead and gave him a final kiss. He was holding a black rosary with him and asked me to keep the rosary inside the coffin with Achayan. I obliged the wish that came from the last of the sibling alive of my dearest Achayan, Antony J Muckaden, whom we all affectionately call Kochapappan!

The coffin’s lid was brought. I stepped in quickly and gave a last kiss on Achayan’s forehead, the same place where I’ve kissed him umpteen times before. I knew this was the end of a beautiful relationship we shared. He lived almost seventy years more than me in this world, but left me enough to carry on for a thousand years ahead! The coffin lid found its place and soon was lowered to the six feet deep trench awaiting him. People showered the coffin with frankincense and in a matter of time the coffin was covered in red soil. Achayan lived his life and fulfilled the verse, ‘For you are dust, And to dust you shall return’.

I knew my Achayan was a legend. So did Mother Nature who held her tears till everything got over. We reached home and except for the closest ones who stayed back home, rest of the folks left. I felt the Angel of Peace flying around filling the huge vacuum that was left behind by Achayan.

That was the moment when emotions overwhelmed Mother Nature. Doors of heavens opened. Showers of blessing started kissing the earth. A fitting tribute to a man who walked this soil and proved that you could live and die as a noble man…

My dearest Achaya, may you enjoy eternal happiness that you very well deserve!

Season to Reason

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial May 2014

 

God! Why does this happen to us?! What have we done wrong to be treated like this?! Of all the people around, why is that it is only us who suffer?!

 

Sounds familiar? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Before trying to find an answer for this, let me take you to the life of Mr.& Mrs. Alex. Just like you see in most of the middle class families with an employed couple, they lived their life from a fixed source of income. Family budgets were usually planned with an amount set aside as savings for future. Any unanticipated expense directly impacted their budget. They lived their life thus, strongly backed by their belief in God with regular visits to church and following the advices from the leaders thereof. 

Life was thus going on when something quite unpleasant happened which derailed a lot of plans Alex and wife had. The apartment in the metro city they stayed increased the rents exponentially. The rental increase was beyond their capability and they had no other option but to find a less expensive accommodation. The couple had recently become parents of a lovely baby girl and the little one had not even turned one. They were quite new to the city as well and a move will definitely burn a hole on their future plans. On top of all the expenses related to shifting,matters were more difficult with the baby being quite small.

Needless to say both Alex and wife were totally disappointed to have something like this happening to them. To them it was a moment when their caring Lord seems to have deserted them. Why on earth otherwise will this have to happen when they recently shifted to this city and had a baby as well? Why is God turning His eyes from them? They became quite rebellious in their thoughts and with each passing day the gap widened between the Creator and them.

Things became even worse with the new apartment offering lesser facilities. Everything appeared to be going wrong with this shift. They longed for their previous apartment where life was much better. Complaints rained down to create a tsunami of negative thoughts in their minds. Life took a very bad U turn with visits to church literally non-existent and all they did was to constantly complain about this unwelcome change in the life.

A few months went by; Alex and his wife became indifferent to their new life. It started raining one day and the days that followed saw one of the most torrential rains the city ever had in its history. One of these days, Alex woke up and fetched the newspaper as usual. He was taking a look at the front page news when his wife got him a cup of tea. She saw his face turning pale and watched with horror as his expression turned to the most dreadful one she had ever seen in their life. He showed her the paper and her eyes were greeted by the terrifying news about their old apartment.Standing like a haunted house, one third of the building was missing with the heavy rains that lashed the city taking down with it a part of the building including the side of the apartment where they stayed. The further details in the news said thirty people were killed including two babies; both were less than a year old!

Many times we feel things are going wrong in our lives. What we forget is the bigger truth that there is someone up there who has a better view on your lives. He knows what is best for you! Next time when you are faced with a difficult situation remember this famous quote, “Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”! Learn to season yourself to that thinking. God bless you!