Guerrillas around us! - Malayalam Translation

The Malayalam translation of the article Guerrillas around us! - On a special request from a subscriber of Bethlehem Matrimonial Magazine - May 2015  

Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!

Tears of a Father

"Why do you tie my hands?" The son smiled at his dad's question. His dad exactly knew why he was doing this. Nevertheless it is quite characteristic of him to demand an answer. He replied, "Dad, I really need to do this. You are pretty infamous for your temper. Can't even imagine your reaction when you get see how they'll treat me. Not that you don't know already".

Father and son, both looked at each other. There was a deep sense of empathy in those pairs of eyes. Dad spoke again. The voice was filled with pain this time. "Son, do you really want to do this? How do I let you go through this agony knowing what's in store for you?" The question was greeted with the same disarming smile again. The reply he received was quite simple, "I asked for this dad. This is the only way to save them; their last chance!"

Memories flashed back to a day when they both met at the corridors of their home. There were a few others around as well. His dad seemed to be quite disturbed. The brows were creased. That wasn't a good sign at all. The last time anyone saw that was when he was deciding the destiny of Sodom and Gomorrah. The son got worried sensing his dad's mood. He asked his dad what's running in his mind and if there is anything which he could do to help.  

Dad said, "I've been giving these people enough warnings. I once flooded them all. Thought Noah's sons will learn from it, but their memory was short lived. Sodom and Gomorrah was next. Seems like no fire or brimstone will ever change anything. I'd sent some of my best men to these wretched set of people giving them enough time to repent. Nothing seems to have worked. I think I'm running out of options. If I could provide them, I can take back them as well, once and for all!"

Those words sent a shrill down the spine of those who were listening. The son was quick to speak, "Dad, isn't that quite harsh a decision? Why don't you give me an opportunity to set this straight this time? Probably they'll listen to a different voice. I've some new thoughts as well." He saw a smirk breaking on his dad's face. Words escaped his mouth, "Son, you don't even know these lot. They're worse than some of the lesser developed animals! You've no clue what you'll have to face there."

"That's a challenge worth taking!" Son replied.

Everyone looked eagerly at the father awaiting a response from him. He seemed to have lost himself in a deep thought. No one could even remotely conceive the intensity of the pain he was going through at the moment. He was fighting a train of thoughts. "I knew this is how it was written. I wrote this myself not knowing why I did it this way. My loving son, he has come of age. He is destined to take this up knowing the perils that await him ahead. How do I not let him take it? He knows this and so do I. The only way out is to go ahead as written."

The father finally spoke, "So be it!"

The time has now come. The garden of Gethsemane was filled with echoes of wailing. The trusted ones have turned traitors. Unfair trials, flesh piercing lashes, a crown of thorn and every possible torture followed which is humanly impossible to comprehend. The son was finally crucified on a heavy cross which he carried more than half an kilometer to the destined place known as 'place of skull', Golgotha!

He knew this was the only way of redemption for the desolate souls. The pain, the torture, the suffering, the blood and finally his life! He was reclaiming an entire humanity with these. But he knew very well that his dad was watching the whole ordeal, all the while with his hands tied. He knew his father's fury and hence there was one final thing to do before he breathed his last. He looked up and their eyes met again. He pleaded to his dad, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".

He saw his dad's face for one last time. Those eyes were filled.

Tears of helplessness rolled down the cheeks of the Supreme Being! 

Mug the Challenge!

Lush green paddy fields, gentle ripples of backwaters and wells with water as pure as a mountain spring; all these and many more painted the picture around the small town in which I was born and brought up. Scarcity of water is something that was unheard of during my childhood. In addition, the water we needed at home was always drawn from the well and we never received a paper with the title ‘Water Bill’.

The picture got slightly blurred when I first moved out of my town to my neighbouring state for higher studies. I was first introduced to the concept of ‘hard water’. It was quite difficult initially to get used to this different genre of water. It was there I first saw this strange sight of people buying mineral water in bulk. It was strange since there was a drinking water dispenser at the college hostel from where many of us took water from. When asked I was told that they use mineral water for head bath since hard water will spoil the hair. Imagine the kind of money people spent for this!

Life moved on and soon I was in the metropolitan city of Bangalore. For the first time in my life I had to buy drinking water for my daily consumption since there was no supply of drinking water at the place where I stayed. On top of this an additional amount started appearing on my monthly expense statements. I started paying water bills though the amount was quite minimal compared to the electricity bills.

A few years later I got married and as destiny had its way, we ended up in the desert kingdom of Dubai. One fine day after our first month in Dubai we received a bill from Dubai Electricity and Water Authority. How would you feel if you get struck with a heavy-duty sledgehammer? That’s the status we were in, seeing the amount for the water we consumed. It was a shocker to realize that we really need to pay more for water than power!

Thinking about this transition itself is quite dreadful! From a literally free supply of water to rationed supply of hard water to nominal payment for consumed water and finally to a state where we end up paying more for water than electricity itself! It was high time we realized the path we are heading to. We had to do something really drastic to reduce the consumption of this limited natural resource.

One of the solutions appeared in the form of a simple item present in our bathroom. An innocent little mug! When we started looking at our water usage, we realized that the washbasin tap is a big culprit who contributes to the scary numbers on our water bill. It never dawned on us till then the quantity of water that gets lost while using the tap. Most of us don’t realize that when a tap is opened we end up losing more water than what we really need. Do you have the habit of holding water in your open palm to wash your face or to brush your teeth or for any other morning routine? Next time you do this; notice the amount of water that flows out of your hand as well as from the tap against the actual amount of water you really use. The delta will be huge!

Our approach was quite simple. We started using the mug to hold water from the tap and use exactly the quantity that we needed. This helped us to reduce our water consumption quite significantly! The water bills in this part of the world, where lives are built on top of a desert, continue to be high. Nevertheless each drop thus saved directly added to our piggy bank.

You are not just doing yourself a favour, but in fact you are saving this depleting natural resource for your kids and the generations to come! A simple change with a huge impact!

So, do you have it in you to take up this challenge?! 

Guerrillas around us!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2015

Guerrilla warfare is one of the most effective war strategies ever adopted in the history by less organized groups against mighty forces. The key aspect of this strategy is to attack the marked enemy when it is least expected thereby making the most of the surprise element! How exactly do you think that the Guerrilla warfare is connected to our day-to-day lives? Let me assure you that when you finish reading this piece you will be least startled to see how this strategy is being adopted by many around us especially when it comes to families.

A lot of young couples these days are away from their parents since their professions would’ve taken them to distant places. Some of them get to see the families on a regular basis whereas there are many who get to meet their loved ones once a while only which could range from months to years together. Needless to say, the farther they are the chances of regular communication between these groups could take a hit. Parents back home get to hear many views about their children from their relatives. Some of these views clearly belong to the category of Guerrilla strategy mentioned earlier.

Have you ever received a call from your parents stating that they met one of your cousins after a while and he was saying that you never contact them? The statements also would’ve added flavours that you’re always busy to be reached or never available etc. The fact of the matter could be that you would’ve been busy at the time you were reached and you would’ve later called back. The Guerrilla who raised this concern would’ve been equally busy when you tried calling him back. This part of the picture never gets portrayed and your naive parents would’ve been made to believe one version of the story.

One of the worst affected parties in this whole show is definitely your spouse, irrespective of whether the strategy is devised in this manner or not. They end up being the usual suspects for this ‘phenomenal’ change that had happened in your life. Fingers get pointed at them for being responsible for making the boy or girl ‘change’ from what they were earlier. What neither the families nor the Guerrillas realize is the fact that the priorities in life never remain the same. What would’ve been the top priority for someone before being married may not exactly be the way post marriage. While people forget this aspect of life and leave their dear ones at a state of helplessness, the Guerrillas have a gala time to have gained victory over another set of innocent souls.

The message is loud and clear! When you hold your hands together in front of The Almighty to give birth to a family, you also promise to define the priorities together for your family. This is a truth that needs to be realized by people around you in both your families as well as your friend circles. Just the way you have defined the priority for your family you must respect the priority of others as well. This mutual respect shown to each of the families will gradually dismantle the Guerrilla warriors though you may never see a complete end to people of this kind. After all, the Garden of Eden is never pictured without the wooing snake!

May the good God bless you and the ones around you with the providence to appreciate your life as well as theirs! Let the realization dawn on them that your life is as important as theirs and may your families be informed about the Guerrillas that are on the prowl awaiting a chance to launch an attack on the vulnerable minds!  

Beware and be aware that the Guerrillas are not just there in the dense forests; they are here, right among us! Know them!

Peace be with us.

The Last Turn

He was waiting at a signal couple of blocks away from home when the phone rang. The lovely face of his sweetheart showed up on the mobile screen. The signal was still red and he quickly answered the call enabling the speaker mode.

“Where have you reached?”

“Almost there”.

“Hey listen, mom had called and she reminded about the insurance premium payment.”

“Oh yeah, I totally forgot! We never got around the plan to double the premium to make the policy better. Something or other keeps coming in between and we keep pushing this out. Let us do it at least this time”.

The signal had turned green and he was a bit late to realize that. A couple of honks from behind and he took the car ahead.

“Just a minute, let me cross the signal. You know the traffic is getting crazy off late. The city was much better a couple of years back.”

“Be careful!”

“Of course sweetheart, don’t you know I care for you and our little one?”

“That I do, but I’ve always told you not to speak on the phone while you drive”.

“Oh that’s alright, I’m on speakers. But I guess I’m running out of battery”.

“Hmm... Btw, Junior had a great day at school! He could identify the pictures of all the animals shown. Our son is a smart cookie, isn’t it?”

“Absolutely! Where’s the little rascal? Give the phone to him”.

“Papa Papa, where are you? Guess what, I got a prize in school today!”

“Great news son! Proud of you! Papa will be home soon and will have a surprise for you! Now give the phone to mom”.

“Hey, I’m almost there. Do I need to buy anything today?”

“Nope. You just come home. Where are you now?”

“I’m nearing the last turn”.

She got out to the balcony along with the tiny one and could see his car coming.

“Hey we see the car Papa!”

“Oh yeah, I can see you as well standing there at the balcony. I’ll be home in a...”

What he didn’t see was the huge truck taking a reverse that got in his way. He was at the last turn at a speed of 60 Mph and had his eyes fixed on the balcony waving at his sweetheart and the little one.

The mobile screen still showed her face, though now it was coloured all red! The last thing he heard was a familiar voice of the RJ from the FM station.

“Please don’t use your mobile phone while driving”.

The phone went dead.

The New Year Lesson!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Feb 2015

New Year this time was spent at a friend’s place. Alex and Nisha were one of the most interesting couple friends we’ve ever met. While we were there, Nisha had a deep craving for her favourite dish which contains an ingredient her doctor had earlier advised to avoid. She very well knew this, but her urge to have this item was so intense that she put her foot down and said there is no other way but to get her that. For sure Alex knew this is not the right thing to do and hence he strongly objected her desire. Alex also reminded her how important it was to follow the doctor’s advice especially on the food intake since the doctor knew what was best for her.

The argument went on for a while. Sparks of disagreement filled the air. The house was witnessing a calamity in formation. On one side there was this deep rooted desire to have a simple food item and on the other side, stood like a rock, the strict medical advice to avoid such an item. It was quite a tensed atmosphere for a while and it almost felt like the New Year fireworks started a bit too early!

When everything seems to be falling apart, just like Newton got hit with an apple, an idea struck Nisha! Why not ask for a customized dish without the unsafe ingredient?! Strange enough, among the barrage of arguments this simple solution never occurred in any of our minds. It was the perfect thing to do and if this was known earlier, the entire argument could have been very well avoided. Then again, certain things are designed to happen in a specific way and happen it will, just that way!

New Year taught us a very important lesson. It is quite natural to have a longing for many things in life. Some of these may be permitted while others may be strictly out of bounds. Before even you wage a war against a loved one for denying you an item that is not permitted it is good to think why they say so. It is not out of any vicarious pleasure that a dear one says no to you for something that is clearly considered unsafe for you and your family. Many a times certain hard decisions are taken keeping in mind the future of your togetherness. This could be true with anything in life. This could range from a simple act of having a specific dish to a most complex investment you make as a family. Apply your brain before your heart, in such instances.

The other thing we were reminded was, how essential it is not to react in such a situation. It is absolutely important not to belittle the desire since it is quite human to have such needs and to fulfil them as well. The moment both the parties decide to react, the situation may really get out of hand and lead to further consequences rather than trying to resolve the issue together.

A bigger point that surfaced based on our New Year experience is the fact that we should always think of alternatives. Not all problems may have ready solutions. On the other hand, a problem need not only have a single solution. There could be many alternatives which you may not see while you are busy arguing why something should be or should not be done. While it is easy to say, it makes a lot of difference to keep an open mind and think if there is a different way to achieve a solution to your problem. Finding alternatives is an art by itself. It has a science as well built into it. Again, give your emotions a bit of rest, tell your heart to take a break and bring your brains to work a little bit extra so that the logic takes precedence than trivial sentiments.

Last but not the least; it takes a lot of effort to keep aside ones ego and to say ‘sorry’. When someone does that, learn to appreciate it rather than adding fuel to the fire. A genuine smile and an affectionate hug is all that may be required to bring an end to your difference. At the end of the day, what should win is love. Your love for each other has got no substitute. You’ve sworn in front of the Mighty One to hold those hands together in any circumstance whatsoever, to love and live forever.

May the good God help you apply your brains when required and let your hearts be at peace with the feeling of mutual love! God bless you all!