Fight to Love!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Aug 2014

I remember a time when I was getting really bored being a bachelor. One of the reasons was the fact that most of my bachelor friends had joined the bandwagon of family life. Obviously their priorities got changed with respect to the time they spent with friends. I still had a very close friend-couple with whom I used to spend quite a lot of time together. Guess they had enough of me being a killjoy in their life that they decided to migrate to the UK. That was the last nail in the coffin.

Expectations and dreams were sky high about my life partner. I pictured a lovely life with little bit of indifferences and lots of love. Find of course I did, a perfect partner and we both said ‘I do’ after knowing ‘quite well’ in three months. At least that’s what I thought!

Step into the world of marriage, the screenplay gets thoroughly rewritten. How much ever said and done, I strongly believe that two people will truly get to know only when they start sharing the same roof above their heads. It is more like trying to merge two independent rivers together one fine day and expect them to flow in unison as if nothing has changed in their lives. It doesn’t happen that way. The rivers will have their own nature; one could have flown peacefully all its life whereas the other must’ve had very strong currents. Even if this isn’t the case there still is the difference that both the rivers had taken two different paths before they were merged. The fact remains that you are trying to merge two different streams into one.

We had fights, we still do. Looking back to the initial days of merging our streams of life, we see how trivial some of them were! We can’t even believe today that we really fought for some of those minute little things which look really silly now. We now realize one big truth. Yes, we had our indifferences but they were not based on proving the other wrong. It is not a wrestling match were the opponent needs to be punched and kicked till the time one of them gives up and a third party says you win. This is life for God’s sake. You are not in a game with your loved one as your opponent. You are in the same team. Realize it!

If anyone ever tells you that they never had any fights in their life, I can only assume two things. They are either still flowing as two rivers or they are simply lying. The moment you decide to love each other you’ll naturally learn more about each other. Knowing more is to know the good and bad about each other. Some of them will be naturally appreciated and others may raise the eye brows since such knowledge may not really be the same as what you would’ve expected. This is perfectly fine. It is the most logical thing to happen in your lives since humans are logical beings.

Do not worry about your differences and the fights you may have about them. You are together as a couple yet you are two different people. It is not something wrong since you are made like that by the Supreme Being who designed you like this. The challenge you have in your life, especially in the initial days is like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle. It is quite difficult the very first time when you try to put the pieces together. It’ll make it even more difficult if two people try to solve the puzzle individually. Share your thoughts and you’ll see the puzzle taking shape till the time a smile appears on your face with the final picture revealed. The next time you play the same puzzle, it is much easier. Life’s just like that.

Fight. It is quite normal, but do remember one thing. Fight to love and not the other way round. God bless you! 

Being a child

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - July 2014

I’ve been noticing one thing off late about the conversation with folks back home. Every phone call is laced with adjectives such as “tough days, lot of work, hectic” etc. I was wondering what exactly is happening in my life that things are becoming so complex. That’s when my two year old came up with a ‘major’ problem he is facing with his new toy truck. The truck has a major section and an attached trailer as well. The part where trailer is attached came off and he was really worried his truck got damaged. I took a look at it and applied some glue and the trailer was working perfectly fine. I was quite surprised to see the amount of happiness on his face. That made me ask the question, when was the last time I was so happy on such small things?
 

Probably it is not a small thing for my little one; nevertheless the fact is that he found happiness in every little such thing that we never found him unhappy over a prolonged period of time. This is quite unlike most of us who are worried about something or other all the while.

It may sound a bit similar, though there is a subtle difference between being happy about small things in life Vs quickly recovering from your sadness. One of the biggest lessons my son taught me is not just how to be happy about the small things in life. He also showed me how to forget completely about the sadness you felt till a moment ago and enjoy the happiness you now possess.

Another major trait that you lose while you grow from being a child to an adult is your ability to have zero ego. Have you ever noticed a baby or a child? How much ever you do something which they dislike, it takes minimum or even little time before they come back to you with another question or request. They are not tuned to think that this is the same person who did something they didn’t appreciate a little while ago. For them it was a moment in the past and past stays in the past. They live in the present. A huge lesson to be learned from these tiny wonders!

It is no wonder why most adults in this world love kids. Babies or kids predominantly have one agenda in life. They just know to love forever and most importantly express the love too. You don’t see them fretting over insignificant nothings and losing their day that should be filled with happiness. It is such a pleasure to watch a little one running across to you to give a hug at the end of a very tiring day. All the worries about that day seem to disappear into the thin air. That’s the magic of being a child!

Most likely one of the key factors that differentiate a child from an adult is the gift to approach everything in a simple manner. Kids really do not know how to complicate things. They only know and are interested to see the way things are. It makes life much easier to live. The moment we try to bring in unwarranted complexities to simpler aspects in life, we feel being weighed down by difficulties in life. Guess the mantra is to learn to look at life around you in a simple manner. Do not complicate what can remain simple.

Guess I realize now why one Man had said more than two thousand years back why it is important to be like a child. At least this should remind us that life was much happier being a child and there were reasons why it was so. Hence while you know you can’t become one anymore it is quite important for you to realize why you should learn from one.

That surely must have been one of the thoughts that crossed the mind of Wordsworth when he wrote, ‘The child is father of the man’. Be like a child and bring back the happiness in your life!

Life cycle of dreams

We all have dreams and we try to achieve them. We struggle a lot in pursuing these dreams before we finally achieve it. The most logical thing to do is to live your dream once you achieve them.

 

Just like every other life, there needs to have an end date for living your dream. The moment you try to hang on to your dream it will start weighing you down mentally and later physically. We’re all designed to dream perpetually.

 

So when you feel disappointed with something, ask yourself the question. Am I nearing the expiry date of my dream? Is it worth hanging on? Else remind yourself to dream again.

 

Dream-Pursue-Achieve-Live-Kill-Dream again!

House Arrest!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - June 2014

 

Have you noticed the typical families around us? There is a family one where you see both husband and wife working with a house assistant to take care of the maintenance of the house as well as the kids, if they are too small. There is a family two where only the husband works and wife takes care of the house and the kids; they may have a house assistant as well. There could also be a family three where the wife works and the husband takes care of the home and the kids, though this is quite a rare sight in our social environment.

The thoughts this time are more focused on the family two. While I’m aware of the risks of generalization I can’t help but think about the commonalities between the wife in such a family and Aung San Suu Kyi, the famous politician from Burma.

Let us look at the life in a day of the former. The wife generally gets involved right from the morning in preparing the breakfast for the family, followed by dropping the kids at school at times, return home where a heap of work awaits her to be done throughout the day, ensure that the home remains tidy and beautiful all the while taking care of these chores, prepare for the return of her husband from work and kids from school, get things ready for the dinner, take care of whatever that is required for the next day before she hits the bed.

The above actions do not stop with a day. This is pretty much the same for all the working days when her husband has to go to office and kids to school. The only exception, if she is lucky, could be the day off in a week where there could be a change in roles when her husband decides to help her with some of the chores. She might be luckier if the family decides to go out to have some good time together.

While I agree that the above may not be the case in every home, I’ve a question to all the husbands who belong to the family two. Ask yourself if this routine applies to your wife. If not, you must be appreciated for bringing some change to this monotonous rigor in her life. She may never ask for a change, but know for a fact that she’s no better than Ms Suu Kyi who was under house arrest for a long 15 years.

Ask yourself if you’ve sentenced your wife similarly without you even knowing that. If so, here are a few things you could consider improving this situation. The very first thing is to accept that such a situation exists. This can be followed by identifying what best could be done considering the fact that every family is different.

The best thing to do to a person who lives a monotonous life is to bring variety to their life. Be aware that interesting things not only happen to you, while you are away from your family. Have an interest to know more about their time away from you. While knowing more about her day, make sure that you talk to her about your day as well.  Go out for a walk, even if it is only for ten minutes daily it’ll make a difference. Engage yourself in games; there is no better way than to refresh your brain. Play with your kids along with your wife. Your kids need to feel your love and not just their mother’s. There are plenty of other things that can be done. I’ll leave that to your imagination.

I’ve a question for the wife from this family two. You are created with a divine purpose of shaping up the present to be future ready. It is quite a critical task that you have in hand. There is no second opinion about how magnanimous an effort is that. Having said that, it may be worthwhile asking yourself the question that is there anything in addition to this pivotal task that you could achieve?

Even if you are not able to apply your education there are many a things you could still learn. Learning opportunities are plenty around you. All what you need to do is, spot them. Search within yourself the long lost interests. The hobbies you once had which got abandoned half way through your family life. Resurrect them. Reskill yourself. Learn something new. A new language, a musical instrument, a new hobby perhaps; options are plenty where you could make your life more meaningful. Your sweet heart need to realize that he should be extending an absolute and unconditional support to you to make this a reality.

Always remind yourself that we all are given this wonderful gift of life only once. You do not even have the slightest of the clue how long will this last. Make use of this gift, every minute of it. Learn to live your life to the fullest.

‘Dio vi benedica’ as the Italians say ‘God bless you’!

Season to Reason

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial May 2014

 

God! Why does this happen to us?! What have we done wrong to be treated like this?! Of all the people around, why is that it is only us who suffer?!

 

Sounds familiar? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Before trying to find an answer for this, let me take you to the life of Mr.& Mrs. Alex. Just like you see in most of the middle class families with an employed couple, they lived their life from a fixed source of income. Family budgets were usually planned with an amount set aside as savings for future. Any unanticipated expense directly impacted their budget. They lived their life thus, strongly backed by their belief in God with regular visits to church and following the advices from the leaders thereof. 

Life was thus going on when something quite unpleasant happened which derailed a lot of plans Alex and wife had. The apartment in the metro city they stayed increased the rents exponentially. The rental increase was beyond their capability and they had no other option but to find a less expensive accommodation. The couple had recently become parents of a lovely baby girl and the little one had not even turned one. They were quite new to the city as well and a move will definitely burn a hole on their future plans. On top of all the expenses related to shifting,matters were more difficult with the baby being quite small.

Needless to say both Alex and wife were totally disappointed to have something like this happening to them. To them it was a moment when their caring Lord seems to have deserted them. Why on earth otherwise will this have to happen when they recently shifted to this city and had a baby as well? Why is God turning His eyes from them? They became quite rebellious in their thoughts and with each passing day the gap widened between the Creator and them.

Things became even worse with the new apartment offering lesser facilities. Everything appeared to be going wrong with this shift. They longed for their previous apartment where life was much better. Complaints rained down to create a tsunami of negative thoughts in their minds. Life took a very bad U turn with visits to church literally non-existent and all they did was to constantly complain about this unwelcome change in the life.

A few months went by; Alex and his wife became indifferent to their new life. It started raining one day and the days that followed saw one of the most torrential rains the city ever had in its history. One of these days, Alex woke up and fetched the newspaper as usual. He was taking a look at the front page news when his wife got him a cup of tea. She saw his face turning pale and watched with horror as his expression turned to the most dreadful one she had ever seen in their life. He showed her the paper and her eyes were greeted by the terrifying news about their old apartment.Standing like a haunted house, one third of the building was missing with the heavy rains that lashed the city taking down with it a part of the building including the side of the apartment where they stayed. The further details in the news said thirty people were killed including two babies; both were less than a year old!

Many times we feel things are going wrong in our lives. What we forget is the bigger truth that there is someone up there who has a better view on your lives. He knows what is best for you! Next time when you are faced with a difficult situation remember this famous quote, “Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”! Learn to season yourself to that thinking. God bless you!

A Mother’s Plight

He was lying down on his mom’s lap after a sumptuous lunch. It was one of those rare days off late when he got to spend some time with her. Last few days have been quite busy when he was away with a bunch of his friends visiting the suburbs of the holy city. He knew his mom will be annoyed for totally ignoring her. Though his other siblings were around he knew he had a special place in her heart. After all she suffered quite a lot while she was pregnant with him and even afterwards.

 

Her fragile long fingers found in roads into his dense locks of hair. He loved it when she pampered him with this beautiful experience of motherly affection. She could see him absorbed in bliss which reflected in his lovely face. Memories came back to her about the struggle she and her husband had to go through on the day when he was born. They had to manage with whatever facilities that were available. The long walk, the limited resources, a few helping hands from the local folks, everything seems to have happened long back. On hindsight everything was worth it.

While her thoughts drifted away she could see in his eyes that something had been bothering him. It was quite natural for her to enquire. His reply was not a total surprise for her though it stirred some unpleasant thoughts in her mind. “How long mom, do I get to experience this love of yours? You always wanted me to live for others. I never got to spend enough time with you at least after I grew up. I lived for them, the people. You always had this argument that they needed me more and that’s what I did. But I guess it is time.”

 

She knew what was coming next and stopped him. The words of the old man she met at the church came back to her. After her meeting with him there was hardly a night without that terrible dream. She saw her bleeding heart; the same sword was again cutting through her. She could handle this no longer.

 

Experience told her not to ask but the emotion of being a mom overruled that. She couldn’t resist but ask him. “Isn’t there anything you could do?” He looked up at her and gave that smile which had always melted her heart. She knew that smile and its meaning. He told her, “You know very well than me. Didn’t Gabriel tell you all this long back? So why this question now?”

 

She knew it and a silence engulfed them.

The Fox Story

One morning, towards the fag end of my breakfast, I was trying my best to get a raisin stuck on the bottom of my breakfast flask in which I get my oats enriched with dry fruits.Sitting in my office cabin, I must have painted a very interested picture for anyone who passed by. Peering into the flask and holding it high I was hitting the bottom of the container quite hard.

The executive secretary to the Senior Vice President of one of the divisions I work with happened to walk past my cabin at that auspicious moment. She was heading for an important meeting but guess couldn’t help but look at me with curiosity while stopping momentarily at my desk. The next thing I heard was her exclaiming, “There is nothing in it and stop hitting the flask!”

How much more embarrassing could it get. Nevertheless being a lesser fox I continued with my attempt to claim the last one standing or rather stuck on the bottom of that cylindrical steel object. The raisin, a white one that too, seemed to be determined to avoid my taste buds. It was clinging to its precious life and had no plans ever to come down from that position.

I hit harder, circled the flask and tried all possible coaxing to make the raisin release its clutches. I even tried smearing it with whatever little of the liquid that remained in the flask. A few further hard blows and the lesser immortal being had no other option but to succumb to its fate.

Off it came right into the wagging tongue that awaited this elusive little piece of exotic dry fruit belonging to the family of grapes. The teeth, the tongue and the taste buds started their work quite fast and soon the little raisin was heading towards the world of primary storage of food in a human body.

The raisin was meant to pay for all the efforts and the embarrassment I had to go through. As destiny would have it and was meant to be as ironic as it could get, this last little piece of dried grapes for which I tried really hard and finally managed to get, turned out to be a really sour one!

For the first-time I felt a bit of respect to that legendary fox.