The Fox Story

One morning, towards the fag end of my breakfast, I was trying my best to get a raisin stuck on the bottom of my breakfast flask in which I get my oats enriched with dry fruits.Sitting in my office cabin, I must have painted a very interested picture for anyone who passed by. Peering into the flask and holding it high I was hitting the bottom of the container quite hard.

The executive secretary to the Senior Vice President of one of the divisions I work with happened to walk past my cabin at that auspicious moment. She was heading for an important meeting but guess couldn’t help but look at me with curiosity while stopping momentarily at my desk. The next thing I heard was her exclaiming, “There is nothing in it and stop hitting the flask!”

How much more embarrassing could it get. Nevertheless being a lesser fox I continued with my attempt to claim the last one standing or rather stuck on the bottom of that cylindrical steel object. The raisin, a white one that too, seemed to be determined to avoid my taste buds. It was clinging to its precious life and had no plans ever to come down from that position.

I hit harder, circled the flask and tried all possible coaxing to make the raisin release its clutches. I even tried smearing it with whatever little of the liquid that remained in the flask. A few further hard blows and the lesser immortal being had no other option but to succumb to its fate.

Off it came right into the wagging tongue that awaited this elusive little piece of exotic dry fruit belonging to the family of grapes. The teeth, the tongue and the taste buds started their work quite fast and soon the little raisin was heading towards the world of primary storage of food in a human body.

The raisin was meant to pay for all the efforts and the embarrassment I had to go through. As destiny would have it and was meant to be as ironic as it could get, this last little piece of dried grapes for which I tried really hard and finally managed to get, turned out to be a really sour one!

For the first-time I felt a bit of respect to that legendary fox.  

Luke 6:37 isn’t a joke!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2014

We all have heard about Newton getting the idea of gravity with an apple hitting his head. I’m pretty sure this was not the case when Jesus made this famous statement which is captured by Luke which states, “Do not judge and you will not be judged”. He knew how important this was then and how much more it will be even after 2000 plus years. If it was Jesus Himself who addressed a crowd during a wedding ceremony this will definitely be one of His key talking points.

 

In the most critical moment of the solemn ceremony of wedding, the bride and groom with utmost seriousness recite their wedding vows. They try to understand that and implement the meaning of it together in their life ahead. At times they forget some of these vows and that’s when we see conflicts in our families. Quite often what is even more serious is the fact that the people who stand around the bride and groom do not realize they too have an important role to play in the couple’s life by not judging either of them.

 

It is quite natural for people to have expectations. We see that all around us right from our childhood. Be it the parents, siblings, religious leaders, managers or peer group, expectations have become a part of our life and there are times we struggle to meet them. Some of these expectations are realistic, but others are not. When the expectations are not met there are various levels of disappointments that you’ll face. The people who set them may react in a strong fashion. You being the victim may get affected badly with the reaction.

You see such incidents happening around you in your families as well. More often it is the bride who takes the brunt of these judgments than the groom. In the unfortunate incident of an expectation not met due to the preset standards of a family, people get disappointed quite quickly. They conveniently take these disappointments as an opportunity to judge the other. They are quick to label them and place them in a category that seems to be etched for life. The one who is judged too quickly find this quite unfair but may not be in a position to correct the other and accept it as a way of life.

 

The situation becomes even worse when the new couple start with their family visits to the near and dear ones. Over there they are welcomed with a smile which most often is accompanied by pairs of eyes which start watching every move of the new member to the family. These relatives give themselves the unofficial position of judging the match that was made in heaven. Things get further complicated with the seemingly innocent comments they pass about the new pair based on the judgments they arrive at. What they don’t realize quite often is the impact these comments have on the young couple who is just settling into their life.

 

Imagine you end up at a house in China where they have prepared a delicious dinner for you. Since you are a very special visitor from India they have served you one of their delicacies, an exotic dish made from snakes! You are one who will run, when someone even mentions about a reptile. You’ll thoroughly disappoint your host if you don’t join them for the dinner. What will be your reaction if your host family judges you as anti-Chinese? You know for a fact that it is not your mistake, yet you’ll be blamed for not partaking in the family’s tradition.

 

Now bring the same situation to a bride in her new family. You, being her new set of relatives, are the ‘host’ for her. For all practical purpose you are total strangers in the initial few days of life. If you approach her with all the expectations of the family, how different are you from the Chinese host who served the snake dish to you?

 

Let us keep our minds open and welcome the new ones in our families without any prejudice. Be patient and try to learn about them before even setting any expectation. Remember you have seen your son/daughter grow and that’s why you expect from them. This is not the case with their better halves. You start seeing them only when they join your family. So learn not to be judgmental. 

May God help you kill the judge within you!

Mountbatten’s Coffee Cup

Lord Mountbatten opens the newspaper a week back and as a habit he reads the news from India first. After all he was the one who was entrusted with the task of a handover from British India to an independent India. Handover he did, but not before approving a surgical procedure of dividing the country into two, India and Pakistan resulting in the death of millions of citizens of erstwhile British India in the name of religion and region.

 

The news about formation of Telangana, the 29^th state of India takes the centre page. Mountbatten had a smirk on his face while reading through the news. He was quite amused at the irony of it when he recollected how fiery were the arguments Gandhi, Nehru and Patel among others had, when they talked to him about the need for an Indian Union. Yet again, here is a country which was split into multitude of pieces which perhaps was one of the most complex jigsaw puzzles ever existed. He was the man who helped the people of the country to solve the puzzle. The fact that the jigsaw board was joined with a considerable amount of blood remains history.

What struck Mountbatten as an irony is that, this is the same set of people who accused the British Crown for implementing the policy of Divide & Rule. Of course yes, Britain did that and they did it with a purpose. Unless they had maintained these conflicts within the regions of the subcontinent they would’ve never achieved their agenda of domination. The strange thing that is happening now is the people of the country wanting to walk back to history where they existed as scattered regions of smaller power houses. They conveniently forget the truth that it took a lot of struggle to draw the map of what they see as India today.

Edwina came with a muffin which Mountbatten likes along with his morning coffee. He showed her the news. Her first reaction was, “What’s wrong with these people?” All over the world, even countries are trying their best to unite themselves to form stronger bonds, politically and economically. Here is a country, which by virtue of its size and diversity has earned the title of a subcontinent, predicted to be the next super power in the world and counted among the potential leaders of tomorrow’s world, fighting among themselves to march back to its pre-independence era. 

Unions are getting formed or at least discussed across the globe. The United States remain as a mighty power. European Union has shown its strength. Gulf Union is being thought about. It is a reality that stares at your face that the less disconnected you are, the more powerful you will be. Civil unrest and geographical tensions is the result when states try to defend their territories. Blessed are those who realize the power of being together!

Mountbatten let out a sigh. He was quite painful to see these developments. He has been living all his life watching the result of the partition he approved. He wish he could convene a meeting again with Gandhi, Nehru, Jinnah, Patel and the likes of these men and raise their voice to the people of this country about the dangerous waters they are getting into. It is a Telangana today; a Gorkhaland tomorrow and even surprising was a demand from the God’s Own Country down south for a state of Malabar to be formed!

Ridiculous is the word! It is high time the country realized that splitting is not a solution, it is creating further challenges. Wake up and realize that you are now fighting with yourself. If this continues you’ll end up tearing the country apart to tiny pieces which you may never be able to join again. What could be more alarming are the birds of prey that must be flying high watching your moves awaiting a right moment to strike! Beware of these modern day imperialists who will be waiting for an opportunity to invade and establish their empire even before you know you lost your freedom forever!

Mountbatten got up from his chair and as he turned the coffee cup slipped from his hand and hit the floor. He stood there helpless as he watched the beautifully crafted porcelain which now lies on the floor broken into hundreds of little pieces and they all seem to be asking him a question, ‘Can you make a cup out of us, again?’

When God Delegates

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Feb 2014

Do you remember the kind of needs you had during your school days? Did you ever want something very badly but was a bit hesitant to ask your father to buy that for you? The most logical step you would’ve taken at that time is to approach your mother with the request. In some cases it would’ve been one of your elder siblings instead.

 

You would’ve seen the result of such an indirect approach taking shape in many ways. In some cases your mother will get it done withouteven consulting the ‘traditional’ head of the family. At times you’ll get a response in negative from her, stating a reasonable excuse for not getting that for you. Many a times you’ll see her waiting for one of the most suitable time of the day to present the case in a tactical manner to your father. This auspicious moment may arrive on the same day of your request or in some cases a day or two later. The matter is taken for a discussion and a judgment is usually made within the same day.

Things are not too different up there in Heaven. A mere thought on the volume of requests that reaches the Supreme Power, will be mind boggling. Imagine the number of prayers that get churned out every other moment by those who are alive, asking for a variety of needs that are to be fulfilled. Add to that the belief of praying for those who left this mortal place so that these prayers will make their entry to Heaven easier. Things become even more interesting when we believe that these heavenly beings will be submitting their own set of prayers for the well-being of their dear ones back in the Earth. If the Creator has to be the single point of contact for answering all these prayers I am quite sure that He’ll go crazy with this avalanche of requests that reach Him!

That’s when God has successfully empowered a next-in-line operations team where He expects a considerable number of requests to be handled by them. We call them Saints. There are quite a few of them known by different names and instilled with specific responsibilities. Historically, people have learned that God has delegated some of His powers to these Saints and asked them to deal directly with people, very similar to how your mother dealt with your request.

They are the mediators for God. It is not necessary that all your requests need to be directed straight to the Father in Heaven. He has entrusted His beloved set of Saints to handle some of these requests so that they can be addressed, probably at a much faster pace than what would’ve been queued up at the pearly gates of Heaven awaiting the attention of the Mighty One.

Though I am afraid a few of the above statements may be perceived as bordering satire, the fact remains that a divine intervention need not always be direct in nature. What is important as God Himself said is to believe. He is the one who created us and knows for sure that there is an element of materialism in all of us. Each one of us who are born mortal will have needs and wants for which we look up to Him. All what He expects from us is to believe and ask. “Ask and it will be given to you”, is what He said. And He created different ways by which we could ask.

I used to be a strong believer of direct communication with God Himself. Over the last few years I’ve understood that He does work through others. Many a times your wishes get fulfilled even without you asking for it. For this He may choose one of your loved ones itself or maybe a total stranger too. Nevertheless a bigger part is being played by the Saints on creating this pathway to Him in a seemingly easier manner. The prayers, material or otherwise, can be directed through these Saints which is one of the biggest realizations I had in the recent past.

It gives a very special feeling of happiness to know that there is someone out there who is closer to God and ready to help you with your prayers. All what you are expected to do is, to talk to them, tell them your concerns and request them to take your prayers to the One whom you believe in. And trust me; it never fails when you have an extra pair of hands to knock and you’ll see the doors getting opened for you! Believe!

Secrets of Communication

It was day one of our second year graduation class of Commerce. The professor who was assigned to take the subject Business Law introduced himself as Jacob Thomas with the suffix Jr. There obviously was a senior professor with the same name. Soon after, he started writing on the board and what I saw was the last thing I expected. A man in his late forties teaching a relatively dry subject wrote on the board in such a beautiful manner that I could see an art form unveiling itself! His handwriting was not just impeccable but extremely attractive that after he left the class, none of us even felt like wiping the board.

 

Days passed by and we got further acquainted with the professor and his communication skills. His excellence did not stop with the calligraphy-class of writing but he proved to be truly awesome with his verbal communication as well. Hailing from a small town in the state of Kerala, down south in India, where we hardly had to use English in our daily lives, a sight such as the discourse by our professor was worth attending the class. Not sure if that was the reason for an almost complete attendance during his sessions.

We were fascinated by his ability to speak in fluent English using such words that we had to refer to a dictionary to understand the meaning of some of them at the end of each class. It was even more surprising to hear him say one day that he did his schooling in Malayalam, the vernacular language of our state. For a moment I genuinely wondered about the irony of getting an English medium education and not even capable of communicating even remotely, like this man, who had none of these amenities. A few of us got really interested to know how he managed to pick up this skill and requested him to share his secrets of communication.

He was a soft spoken man with a delightful smile to his credit. He was indeed happy to receive such a request from us and smiling throughout, shared the recipe of his success. These were the pearls of wisdom he shared with us that day which I quite distinctly remember applying in my life, which I honestly believe helped me improve my communication skills.

·         Read an English Newspaper – Helps you develop your vocabulary. Please be careful about the choice you make since there are ones that are published with the sole intention of increasing circulation and not giving due importance to the language. But there are others which genuinely communicate using exemplary language.

·         Listen to English news in radio/TV – During his days there was no television and hence the radio news from BBC was his only source of good English. These days we’ve plenty of options in radio/TV. Again beware of your choice.

·         Make a friend out of your mirror – This is one of the most effective ways to improve your communication. Talk to your mirror just like the way you speak to a friend. Make this a habit and you’ll see how your ‘friend’ helps you better your communication.

·         Read a lot – A habit, the worth of which is unimaginable! Develop this hobby. You do not have to focus on a particular topic initially. Start with something that interests you and slowly widen your horizon. You may stumble upon words, about which you are totally clueless. Have a dictionary handy. These days the options are quite simple with smart phones and apps which provide good dictionary services.

·         Write – This is an extremely effective way to improve your language. Start with simple topics. Develop a hobby of diary writing which can be very rewarding. Create a blog. Write about happenings in your life which you could share with the public. Take a shot at writing competitions. You won’t even believe how your communication skills improve over a period of time with this awesome method.

Nothing should stop you from improving yourself. Communication in any form, spoken, written, non-verbal, whichever may it be always has room for improvement. Never stop learning and that’s one secret we need to remind ourselves time and again!

Mr. & Mrs. Change

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jan 2014 

 

A few months after being admitted into the institution of marriage, I remember talking to a friend of mine about how life has changed. Guess I was cribbing too much that he had to stop me somewhere in the middle and asked me a genuinely simple question. 

 

“Before getting married, you were away from your family, living here in the same city, working with the same company on the same job and with the same set of friends. All that is new in your life is a wife and a house. Have you ever thought what change means to her? She was staying with her family, working with a company in a different city and had her own set of friends. She had to leave all that and move to a totally strange place, being unemployed and hardly any friends around, but live with a man whom she met just three months back. And you, complain about change?!”

Needless to say, the question stirred my mind. I looked at him with the kind of expression of disbelief that he had to literally shake me out of my world of thoughts. I realized what he said was right; it is just that my independent soul was not so prepared to accept this fact of life that is seen all around me. It was apparent that the patriarchal society we live in today had blindfolded me from the truth in our life. I was enlightened and thanks to my friend I could think beyond ‘me’ in life. As I read in one of the recent blogs by Seth Adam Smith, I realized that marriage was not for me, but for us!

Things may not be the same with all the couples out there. There are the blessed ones who work in the same company or same city, who get married and the change is pretty much the same for both the parties. Though I do not have any statistics to prove, I feel such blessed ones are far and few in numbers. The majority belong to the category where my sweetheart and I come from. The plot is usually the same; the woman leaves her family and her social circle, quits her job and moves along with the man to a totally strange city. If the couple had not known each other for too long that only adds to the complexity.

All the men folks out there, who have at least once thought or said that things will or have changed with marriage, have you ever thought about this paradox of life? It is the women who bear the brunt of the change most often and they still have to put up with the pseudo concerns of their men who whine about the changes in life.

On further thought the blame cannot be fully bestowed on these poor creatures called men. These behavioral patterns could well be attributed to the conditioning we all receive from our society. Historically we’ve seen our sisters, mothers and grandmothers being married to a different family than the one they were born into. The in-laws became their new parents and the traditions followed at husband’s home became theirs as well. These children of God are blessed with a gift of acceptance that they gel with the changes in a seemingly simple manner.

The male of the species are never taught about the changes their female counterparts experience with this arrangement. Hence from time immemorial every married man thinks more about the changes that happen in his life than her life not to mention, their life. With all due respect to the older generation, this would’ve been acceptable then, but not anymore. In the modern times where women are equal or even better than men in many fields they interact, it is high time that men understand and appreciate the nuances of change a girl faces who joins him in Holy Matrimony.

Changes are part of any discipline. Married life comes with its own set of changes as well. Never spend your time and energy thinking hard about how to face them individually. It becomes quite interesting if you continue to hold your hands just the way you did during the wedding ceremony and face the challenges of life together. Holding your hands was not only a gesture but a promise that you give each other for a lifelong commitment to face and overcome any difficulties life may pose in front of you.

You have decided to take the boat named marriage together. Why then row it by yourself? Hand over each other the oars of faith in the One that united you as well as faith in each other. It’ll help you cut through the waters of life and you’ll see for yourself that your boat remains intact even in the mightiest of the tempests.

Change is a way of life. Acknowledge, accept and act on it together. God be with you!

Perceptions

I remember eagerly waiting for summer vacations during school days. A whole year of classes, tests, punishments and all gets into the oblivion with the onset of long holidays. The feeling was quite similar early in the morning today when I woke up at my home in Dubai to a beautiful sight.The roads and trees were all fresh with the rare event of rains in this part of the world! Lovely drops of rain were lashing the roads and everyone driving seems to feel quite happy about not being indoors. I wanted a piece of the happiness pie as well and got ready quite quickly and headed to office. My red beauty from Toyota seems to be dancing in the rain since all what she usually gets is a bucket of water on alternate days.

 

The traffic was quite lean today with schools closed and people perhaps feeling lazy to get up from the bed in such an awesome weather. The drive to the office was very smooth and I thanked God for gifting me such a beautiful day. The excitement was even greater when I thought I’ll be onboard an aircraft in a few hours heading straight home to my sweethearts!

The half empty parking lot welcomed me and I got out inhaling the fragrance of the desert rain. It was slightly drizzling as though the Goddess of Rain was embracing me with her tender love. There were beads of raindrops that laced the border of my office building and I hopped across each time a droplet came down and playfully avoided them from hitting me. I reached office and for a moment thought of having a hot cup of tea with some breakfast which will complement the gorgeous weather, instead of my usual oats. I overcame the temptation and walked directly to my desk and unlocked it to reach for my laptop. Alas! I was greeted by an empty space. A moment of panic struck me. Losing an office laptop is not a major concern since all the work has a back-up created; nevertheless losing was scary!

My gaze was directed to the window while I tried to deduce what could’ve happened. The dark clouds outside now appeared to me like a devil with an ominous cloak on and performing some black magic ritual, the result of which poured down as drops of fire. I suddenly realized that my laptop didn’t get stolen; in fact I had taken it home last evening assuming that I may need it to do some checks for remote mail access. In all the happiness and excitement early in the morning, I conveniently forgot about it while leaving to office.

I was really upset for such an oversight. This will now mean I’ll have to drive back in the rain which now annoyed me big time. The rain drops that earlier felt like a soft feather touch, now were like sharp needles pricking me. I scolded myself for not getting an umbrella and somehow tried to protect my head with a handkerchief. The droplets continued to fall from the office building. I cursed the maintenance department for not doing a proper job. Ducking down to the falling drops and jumping across pools of water thinking about the poorly designed drainage facilities of this city, I reached where the car was parked. I was about to get in when it dawned on me that I forgot the house key in my bag that I carried to office! It didn’t matter that temperature outside was coming down closer to a single digit; I was boiling from within.

All that appeared beautiful a few moments back were turning out to be an eyesore for me. All the exhilarating experience of the rarity of rains went down the drains of despair. I went back to the office, got the home key and headed home to get the laptop. While waiting at a signal on the way I overheard the last bit of a conversation between my heart and my mind.

Heart said, “I was jumping up and down with joy a moment back and now I don’t even feel that I’m moving.” Mind replied, “It is all about perceptions my dear”.