Secrets of Communication

It was day one of our second year graduation class of Commerce. The professor who was assigned to take the subject Business Law introduced himself as Jacob Thomas with the suffix Jr. There obviously was a senior professor with the same name. Soon after, he started writing on the board and what I saw was the last thing I expected. A man in his late forties teaching a relatively dry subject wrote on the board in such a beautiful manner that I could see an art form unveiling itself! His handwriting was not just impeccable but extremely attractive that after he left the class, none of us even felt like wiping the board.

 

Days passed by and we got further acquainted with the professor and his communication skills. His excellence did not stop with the calligraphy-class of writing but he proved to be truly awesome with his verbal communication as well. Hailing from a small town in the state of Kerala, down south in India, where we hardly had to use English in our daily lives, a sight such as the discourse by our professor was worth attending the class. Not sure if that was the reason for an almost complete attendance during his sessions.

We were fascinated by his ability to speak in fluent English using such words that we had to refer to a dictionary to understand the meaning of some of them at the end of each class. It was even more surprising to hear him say one day that he did his schooling in Malayalam, the vernacular language of our state. For a moment I genuinely wondered about the irony of getting an English medium education and not even capable of communicating even remotely, like this man, who had none of these amenities. A few of us got really interested to know how he managed to pick up this skill and requested him to share his secrets of communication.

He was a soft spoken man with a delightful smile to his credit. He was indeed happy to receive such a request from us and smiling throughout, shared the recipe of his success. These were the pearls of wisdom he shared with us that day which I quite distinctly remember applying in my life, which I honestly believe helped me improve my communication skills.

·         Read an English Newspaper – Helps you develop your vocabulary. Please be careful about the choice you make since there are ones that are published with the sole intention of increasing circulation and not giving due importance to the language. But there are others which genuinely communicate using exemplary language.

·         Listen to English news in radio/TV – During his days there was no television and hence the radio news from BBC was his only source of good English. These days we’ve plenty of options in radio/TV. Again beware of your choice.

·         Make a friend out of your mirror – This is one of the most effective ways to improve your communication. Talk to your mirror just like the way you speak to a friend. Make this a habit and you’ll see how your ‘friend’ helps you better your communication.

·         Read a lot – A habit, the worth of which is unimaginable! Develop this hobby. You do not have to focus on a particular topic initially. Start with something that interests you and slowly widen your horizon. You may stumble upon words, about which you are totally clueless. Have a dictionary handy. These days the options are quite simple with smart phones and apps which provide good dictionary services.

·         Write – This is an extremely effective way to improve your language. Start with simple topics. Develop a hobby of diary writing which can be very rewarding. Create a blog. Write about happenings in your life which you could share with the public. Take a shot at writing competitions. You won’t even believe how your communication skills improve over a period of time with this awesome method.

Nothing should stop you from improving yourself. Communication in any form, spoken, written, non-verbal, whichever may it be always has room for improvement. Never stop learning and that’s one secret we need to remind ourselves time and again!

Mr. & Mrs. Change

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jan 2014 

 

A few months after being admitted into the institution of marriage, I remember talking to a friend of mine about how life has changed. Guess I was cribbing too much that he had to stop me somewhere in the middle and asked me a genuinely simple question. 

 

“Before getting married, you were away from your family, living here in the same city, working with the same company on the same job and with the same set of friends. All that is new in your life is a wife and a house. Have you ever thought what change means to her? She was staying with her family, working with a company in a different city and had her own set of friends. She had to leave all that and move to a totally strange place, being unemployed and hardly any friends around, but live with a man whom she met just three months back. And you, complain about change?!”

Needless to say, the question stirred my mind. I looked at him with the kind of expression of disbelief that he had to literally shake me out of my world of thoughts. I realized what he said was right; it is just that my independent soul was not so prepared to accept this fact of life that is seen all around me. It was apparent that the patriarchal society we live in today had blindfolded me from the truth in our life. I was enlightened and thanks to my friend I could think beyond ‘me’ in life. As I read in one of the recent blogs by Seth Adam Smith, I realized that marriage was not for me, but for us!

Things may not be the same with all the couples out there. There are the blessed ones who work in the same company or same city, who get married and the change is pretty much the same for both the parties. Though I do not have any statistics to prove, I feel such blessed ones are far and few in numbers. The majority belong to the category where my sweetheart and I come from. The plot is usually the same; the woman leaves her family and her social circle, quits her job and moves along with the man to a totally strange city. If the couple had not known each other for too long that only adds to the complexity.

All the men folks out there, who have at least once thought or said that things will or have changed with marriage, have you ever thought about this paradox of life? It is the women who bear the brunt of the change most often and they still have to put up with the pseudo concerns of their men who whine about the changes in life.

On further thought the blame cannot be fully bestowed on these poor creatures called men. These behavioral patterns could well be attributed to the conditioning we all receive from our society. Historically we’ve seen our sisters, mothers and grandmothers being married to a different family than the one they were born into. The in-laws became their new parents and the traditions followed at husband’s home became theirs as well. These children of God are blessed with a gift of acceptance that they gel with the changes in a seemingly simple manner.

The male of the species are never taught about the changes their female counterparts experience with this arrangement. Hence from time immemorial every married man thinks more about the changes that happen in his life than her life not to mention, their life. With all due respect to the older generation, this would’ve been acceptable then, but not anymore. In the modern times where women are equal or even better than men in many fields they interact, it is high time that men understand and appreciate the nuances of change a girl faces who joins him in Holy Matrimony.

Changes are part of any discipline. Married life comes with its own set of changes as well. Never spend your time and energy thinking hard about how to face them individually. It becomes quite interesting if you continue to hold your hands just the way you did during the wedding ceremony and face the challenges of life together. Holding your hands was not only a gesture but a promise that you give each other for a lifelong commitment to face and overcome any difficulties life may pose in front of you.

You have decided to take the boat named marriage together. Why then row it by yourself? Hand over each other the oars of faith in the One that united you as well as faith in each other. It’ll help you cut through the waters of life and you’ll see for yourself that your boat remains intact even in the mightiest of the tempests.

Change is a way of life. Acknowledge, accept and act on it together. God be with you!

Perceptions

I remember eagerly waiting for summer vacations during school days. A whole year of classes, tests, punishments and all gets into the oblivion with the onset of long holidays. The feeling was quite similar early in the morning today when I woke up at my home in Dubai to a beautiful sight.The roads and trees were all fresh with the rare event of rains in this part of the world! Lovely drops of rain were lashing the roads and everyone driving seems to feel quite happy about not being indoors. I wanted a piece of the happiness pie as well and got ready quite quickly and headed to office. My red beauty from Toyota seems to be dancing in the rain since all what she usually gets is a bucket of water on alternate days.

 

The traffic was quite lean today with schools closed and people perhaps feeling lazy to get up from the bed in such an awesome weather. The drive to the office was very smooth and I thanked God for gifting me such a beautiful day. The excitement was even greater when I thought I’ll be onboard an aircraft in a few hours heading straight home to my sweethearts!

The half empty parking lot welcomed me and I got out inhaling the fragrance of the desert rain. It was slightly drizzling as though the Goddess of Rain was embracing me with her tender love. There were beads of raindrops that laced the border of my office building and I hopped across each time a droplet came down and playfully avoided them from hitting me. I reached office and for a moment thought of having a hot cup of tea with some breakfast which will complement the gorgeous weather, instead of my usual oats. I overcame the temptation and walked directly to my desk and unlocked it to reach for my laptop. Alas! I was greeted by an empty space. A moment of panic struck me. Losing an office laptop is not a major concern since all the work has a back-up created; nevertheless losing was scary!

My gaze was directed to the window while I tried to deduce what could’ve happened. The dark clouds outside now appeared to me like a devil with an ominous cloak on and performing some black magic ritual, the result of which poured down as drops of fire. I suddenly realized that my laptop didn’t get stolen; in fact I had taken it home last evening assuming that I may need it to do some checks for remote mail access. In all the happiness and excitement early in the morning, I conveniently forgot about it while leaving to office.

I was really upset for such an oversight. This will now mean I’ll have to drive back in the rain which now annoyed me big time. The rain drops that earlier felt like a soft feather touch, now were like sharp needles pricking me. I scolded myself for not getting an umbrella and somehow tried to protect my head with a handkerchief. The droplets continued to fall from the office building. I cursed the maintenance department for not doing a proper job. Ducking down to the falling drops and jumping across pools of water thinking about the poorly designed drainage facilities of this city, I reached where the car was parked. I was about to get in when it dawned on me that I forgot the house key in my bag that I carried to office! It didn’t matter that temperature outside was coming down closer to a single digit; I was boiling from within.

All that appeared beautiful a few moments back were turning out to be an eyesore for me. All the exhilarating experience of the rarity of rains went down the drains of despair. I went back to the office, got the home key and headed home to get the laptop. While waiting at a signal on the way I overheard the last bit of a conversation between my heart and my mind.

Heart said, “I was jumping up and down with joy a moment back and now I don’t even feel that I’m moving.” Mind replied, “It is all about perceptions my dear”. 

Happiness!

Two more days and I’ll be off for Christmas to my hometown in Kerala from this desert kingdom of Dubai. Told my colleagues, friends and the folks in the apartment complex as well. They all wished me ‘happy journey’. The day before travel, I was having lunch at the office cafeteria. I mentioned casually to the waiting staff about my trip. His service was exemplary as usual. At the end he gave me the bill, smiled at me and said ‘happy journey’. I felt a difference this time. I felt happiness! :)

Day of Purple!

Liya woke up to the sound of her pretty little alarm. Her house seems to be quite different today missing the usual hustle and bustle of a normal week day. Instead of the usual sounds from the kitchen she could feel the silence in her home which seems to be holding its breath as though not to wake up anyone even with a slightest sound.

She peeped into the hallway and was surprised to see darkness still there with all the curtains drawn. Her parents were fast asleep, but Josa, her brother who shares his room with a number of gadgets seems to be lost in one of his powerful telescopes. He was considered as a young genius in inter-planetary communication. She tip-toed to his room to check what is happening. On any other day he would’ve shouted at her to be out of his ‘experiment lab’ which is the name he had given to his room. She was instead surprised when her brother with a grave face called her in and showed her the breaking news that one of the channels were airing.

Yet another launch! She heard her brother saying, this time it is very interesting to observe that it is a sequel to the previous attempt which almost exposed their lives, unknown to the rest of the universe. It is a humble yet powerful nation in the ‘Blue Planet’ which has set forth with their latest vehicle. Among all the things she liked the name of the space shuttle; it was called ‘Mangalyaan II’. The previous attempts to probe their home, which people in Earth call as the ‘Red Planet’ alias MARS had all been successfully encountered or re-directed by a team of scientists with whom Josa spends considerable amount of time.

Though she could see the tension on her brother’s face one thing made Liya happy. As the case was in the previous such incident, a global holiday was declared with governments across thinking hard on how to tackle this latest invasion. It had to be a strategic maneuver, just like what was done earlier so that the rest of the world should not be aware of such a fully flourished Martian civilization living below the red surface of the planet.The whole of Martian race is sustained by the extraordinary scientific and technological brilliance that at times they need to remind themselves not to get too carried away by narcissism.

Josa recollects what happened with a major incident of incursion from the NASA where a four wheeled toy named Spirit landed on the surface of MARS more than a decade ago. It generated enormous amounts of concerns that a global crisis center was set up to deal with the grave danger. Strategists across the planet were sent for and the advanced brains in the science community worked overtime to figure out a subtle but effective way of defending this well-kept secret from the rest of the universe.

All that was history and now this latest incident proves to be the greatest of the challenges the planet has ever faced. The attempt is from a nation that has always been considered ‘developing’ by the mighty powers on the face of Earth. Little did anyone notice how steady the growth of this country had been. It has proved to be so good that they have become the first country from Planet Earth to attempt sending a human being to Mars!

Josa had learned that there was a sole traveler on board on the space vehicle, Mangalyaan II. It was a matter of time before it reached the gravitational surface of Mars and for the first human being to touch down on the red soil. He was contacted earlier by the scientific community which had formed a ‘Think Tank’ on how to create a sustainable protection for the planet of Mars especially from the intrusion from other planetary beings. ‘Operation Code Red’ was drawn and is currently put in place to pre-empt any invasion such as the upcoming vehicle from Earth.

Months passed by and the plan was fully executed awaiting the final approach of the vessel. Josa had the privilege of being outside the perimeter of the Martian territory and was taking a ride on his favorite Red Bike which allowed him to traverse the surface of Mars at ease. Operation Code Red had started transmitting powerful seditious signals covering the approach track of Mangalyaan II. The signals were intended to confuse the binary code package that forms the brain of most of the advanced space technology from Earth. From the latest news that was captured from the Earthly media, the signals are doing exactly what was intended to do. Mangalyaan II reported certain technical failures, the reason for which is largely unknown to the scientists back in Earth. They are trying their best to steer the vessel on its right course and ensure the safety of the lone astronaut on board.

Dr Lena Jain, has already become a celebrity back on Earth being the brave soul who took up this assignment of travel to the unknown. She had always been the odd one in the family who was quite used to taking risks that no one else even dared to. Many of them were failures but the successes she had, outweighed the bitter taste of failures. The feeling of success made her intoxicated that each time she aimed higher.

While the on board computers started acting funny, Lena was thinking about how she overcame the stiff resistance from her family when she announced her decision to be part of Mangalyaan II. Everyone said she’s getting into a suicidal mission. Everyone except her dad tried persuading her to withdraw from the plan. There was no pressure whatsoever from the Indian Space Research Organization [ISRO] which was instrumental in this mission to Mars stretching the limits which no other country on Earth had ever attempted before. In fact they were quite surprised when she conveyed her decision. She had an unusually strong will which ultimately landed her the captain’s hat on the Mars Orbiter, the official name of the mission.

Lena was not sure what was happening to the systems when the final approach was set in. All the complex machines around her started giving warning signals. The compass seemed to be going berserk though she could not feel any unusual rotation of the spaceship. She knew something was wrong but did not panic. What’s the point in panicking when you are prepared for the worst? She had accepted all possible odds in this travel. There were more chances of failure than success. Nevertheless she was quite happy for being the only human being who has reached so near the planet of Mars. Her communication channels with the space centre back home was still open and she knew that an entire planet was praying for her. The world suddenly became her family and she had relatives all over the globe!

The vessel was fast approaching its destination. The warning sounds in the cockpit had become quite intense that she had to put on her ear plugs and depend only on the signals appearing on the screen. Everything seemed to be going haywire that she started feeling a bit eerie about the whole atmosphere around her. It was a matter of few minutes before Mangalyaan II touched down on the surface of Mars creating history. Her excitement levels had never been so high that she literally punched the air amidst all the confusion around. All of a sudden the warning sounds stopped and the communication line back with the space centre got cut off. She couldn’t hear even a tiny bit of sound. It was as though someone had clothed her with a blanket made of absolute silence! She could see from her windscreen an entire planet awaiting her visit and extending her a red carpeted welcome, literally.

Josa was taking a wild turn near one of the deepest trenches on the Martian surface when he saw a feeble blinking light from the North East direction. That was something totally new to him since it was neither a star nor one of the satellites he was so familiar with. This has to be it, the visitor from Earth. He was surprised that Mangalyaan II could surpass the signal jamming attempts and managed to enter the atmosphere of Mars. As he awaited the final stages of approach he received a warning signal stating transmission of a powerful electromagnetic field over the surface of Mars attempted to disable all electronic devices on the surface. He promptly switched off his device so as to save it from structural damage due to electromagnetic waves.

While he was on it, Josa saw the spaceship and did a mental math of its speed. He knew it was approaching quite fast and as expected crashed on the surface of Mars. He also knew that whatever equipment that were available on the spaceship will no longer be useful due to the powerful magnetic waves that would’ve disabled everything creating a dangerous proposition to the human being inside as well.

He knew he couldn’t wait for the search party to arrive and had to rush to the space shuttle. As he was about to reach for the door Lena stepped out and fell on the floor of Mars losing her consciousness. Her oxygen apparatus had stopped working and the surface of Mars offered very less in terms of inhalable air. Josa was quick to take her to a XO chamber, standing for eXtreme Oxygen, specially built on the Martian surface for emergencies involving people of Mars since they also needed this precious gas for survival.

It was a matter of minutes before Lena opened her eyes. The last thing she expected was to see a handsome young man extending a warm hand holding a steaming cup of coffee. Startled of course she was, but took the cup from Josa who introduced himself. Josa knew it’ll be sometime before the search party arrived locating the point of impact by the space vessel. He wanted to have a quick conversation with this specimen from Earth who was courageous enough to travel all the way across and finally managed to land on the Red Planet.

Josa and Lena got along pretty well. Two young and brilliant minds shared many ideas they had and the most important one was the welfare of their respective races. It didn’t take much time for Lena to picture the survival strategy of Martians and she also figured out the apparent criticality they were facing with the reduced levels of Oxygen production.

People of Mars had figured out long back that the Oxygen levels they had on Mars was way too low for generations to survive. Unless they figured out a way to produce further Oxygen their very race itself faced total elimination from the history of Universe. The supremely brilliant minds were set to work immediately and needless to say they found an alternative.

The water tables of Mars had a feature similar to Earth but in a reverse manner though. The water in Mars mostly was fresh in nature whereas only one third was saline. The analysis led to the discovery of extracting a magical element from the salt in sea water and generating Oxygen out of that. While the discovery was majorly lauded across the planet, the question always remained of the limited availability of sea water which will eventually prove to be insufficient on the long run.

They were amidst this dilemma when Mangalyaan II was announced as a global threat and the attention immediately got shifted to this new intrusion. Lena’s mind was working quite fast all throughout the conversation and was quick to identify the process of extracting the magical element from sea water. A realization dawned on her in the likes of revelation for St John or enlightenment for Buddha!

She shared her thoughts with Josa on creating a sustainable inter-planetary survival package. The whole idea was based on utilizing the sea water from Earth which was available in plenty and extracting the magical element which will provide a sustainable Oxygen generator for zillions of years for the people of Mars. In return, the tremendously intelligent brains of Mars will devise a strategy to transport the fresh water back to Earth where it was much needed.

It was the birth of a galactic brilliance which promised a renewed hope for both the planets! The day henceforth will be called ‘Day of Purple’ when the people on the Blue and Red planets joined hands to realize the importance of collaborative community living proclaiming to the universe the brotherhood of love!

Let there be peace in the universe!

Crime of Comparison

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Dec 2013

 

Some of us probably grew up facing questions such as these, “Have you ever seen him doing this? Or Why don’t you learn from her? Or What is that we don’t provide you that you can’t score like her?” Human beings are born with an innate nature to compare and see what can be made better. Unfortunately in certain cases the comparison does a lot of damage to a person that it even affects the psyche.

 

Comparisons during childhood have many a times proved to be negatively influencing a child than motivating to perform better. It becomes even worse when this concept finds its way into the life of a married couple. I remember a joke that I read in one of the national dailies a while ago. It says, ‘People always regret buying a new phone or getting married. This is because of an afterthought that they could’ve waited for a better model’! With a phone the afterthought is excused, but not with the latter.

Many of us still complain about the material aspects of life. The complaints range from the food that was cooked or dressing/grooming tastes or gifts that are bought or not bought for each other on occasions. Family and friends come into picture when these comparisons are worked out. A man could be complaining about a dish that would’ve been prepared better by his mom or the not so upgraded wardrobe of his wife. The woman will have complaints of how her wish remains unfulfilled to have a three stone diamond set just like what her best friend was gifted by her better half during their anniversary.

What people do not realize is the fact that with each of these comparisons you cease to respect the other person in your life the way they are. When you respond, “I do”, come what may, to the priest, what you mean is an unconditional “I do”. This is one clause that should not come with a * that says ‘Conditions Apply’. You cannot say that I thought she’ll cook like my mom or he’ll buy me what I wish or she’ll love all my friends or he’ll be exactly like my dad or brother who were such guardian angels to me.

You agree to a new life with a whole lot of uncertainties which is part of any life, married or otherwise. In marriage you in fact get a bonus of an additional pair of hands to hold you through these uncertainties provided you accept this as a blessing. The moment you start expecting your sweetheart to be like someone else you are in fact killing his/her self. Ask yourself, do you want to make a clone of your spouse by having the best of all what you have seen among your family and friends? On the contrary you let your partner-for-life be that. Just like the partners in a doubles game of tennis trusting each other with their abilities so that they take the game forward together to win the match.

The biggest gift you could offer to your better half is the trust you have on him/her. The moment the significant other in your life realizes that you trust him/her more than anyone else, a strong foundation gets laid. Being married is not a thing of the past. It is a present continuous process for future. You learn every day. You may even be surprised after ten years of being together to know a totally new character of your spouse since people seldom remain the same over a period of time. So the test of time is something every couple will face in their life. Bestowing your trust on each other is the only way you take this life happily forward.

Remember, to compare is a crime. You are here as a pair to trust and love each other so that you respect the other self and thereby yourself.

The Push!

Year 2001, first year in the new millennium and I was happily walking towards the terrace of my college hostel in Coimbatore along with a bunch of my friends. We were to attend the flag hoisting ceremony to mark the 54^th year of Mountbatten handing over the baton of power to Nehru.
 

The college principal being the ex-officio warden of our hostel was the one to hoist the flag. The ceremony was done with due reverence in the presence of hundreds of hostel inmates. The hostel building which reminded me of the cellular jail in Andaman, though not exactly in terms of the structure, was capable of accommodating more than 400 students. A learned discourse followed in perfect Tamil when the principal of course highlighted the struggle our forefathers had gone through to get us this freedom which we now enjoy free of cost.

Being my first year in Tamil Nadu and not that proficient in Tamil yet, I experienced the same struggle my forefathers did to perhaps understand the emotional words of wisdom that came out from the veteran principal. Nevertheless since patriotism does not need a language to describe I could still manage to figure out the critical aspects of his speech.

It was customary for someone from the hostel to give a return address after the principal finishes his speech. I was standing right in front of the crowd who had gathered in a circle around the flag pole. I could see a whole bunch of seniors and super seniors standing right behind me and was expecting any one of them to start with their return address.

Those were the days when you were expected to be quite respectful towards your seniors lest invite their wrath which will prove to be pretty difficult to survive in the hostel later. Hence seniors used to be in the limelight for all possible functions and juniors will await a day when their turn will come for taking the centre stage. Such thoughts went through my mind and were probably even thinking of a day when I’ll step forward to give a wonderful speech filled with patriotism uplifting the spirit of the nation and reminding everyone to be thankful to our previous generations for the freedom we enjoy today!

What happened next was not even in my wildest of the dreams! All I remember was feeling a very powerful hand right on my back which pushed me to the centre of the circle where the principal was eagerly awaiting for someone to come forward to give the return address. All these happened in a flash that it took a few seconds for me regain my composure. I could suddenly feel 400 pairs of eyes directly staring at me as if an animal of prey is about to pounce on its victim! All my words that formed the soul stirring speech that was part of my day dream a moment ago seem to have gone into an eternal hiding. I could not even utter a single syllable; forget about natural flowing sentences which have to be contextual as well.

Guess times like these generate a very specific hormone in human body which initially creates an excessive amount of fear which either turns you into a zombie-like mental state or wakes up the Phoenix within you which arises from the ashes of the fear that is burned! Goddess of fortune was with me on that day and out came the very first extempore I delivered in my life till then.

The Phoenix continues its flight till date and I’m happy for that hand-of-God that pushed me to the unknown territories which I explored quite heavily afterwards...