Security Encounter!

A few months back I was at a shopping center with my wife and my three year old son. While she was looking around a store, my son and I went for a quick stroll. We walked through the reception area of the building where a coin-operated massage chair was placed. There was a payment kiosk for a bunch of service providers next to the massage chair. While I was getting a massage done for myself, my little one started exploring the kiosk.

After a few moments I saw the security guard at the reception walking towards my son. I was sort of 'trapped' on the massage chair and was watching the scene with caution! He came next to my boy and started looking at him with a lot of interest. I could see his gleaming eyes and a tiny smile on his face. My son, oblivious of a stranger looking at him continued to check out the various buttons on the kiosk.

After a few moments, I was released from the clutches of the massage chair and I promptly got up. The security guy looked at me and smiled. I was still not sure what his intention was and so I returned the smile though with an element of suspicion. He looked at my son again and asked me, "Sir, how old is your little one?"

I replied, "He turned three last December".

He then asked me a few more questions about my son. He wanted to know about his schooling, playtime activities and a few other things. I answered him, though was not feeling very comfortable with these questions being asked. I felt an intrusion to our privacy.

I was almost ready to take my son away from the scene since I was getting worked up with these queries. That's when the man spoke again. The next statement he said disarmed me totally.

"Sir, I'm from Pakistan and it has been two years since I went back home. I left home on my son's first birthday. When I saw your little one I was wondering how mine will be looking like now."

I was speechless and soon my eyes got welled up. I took my son out and this time it wasn't because I was uncomfortable with the security guard, but because I didn't want him to see me in tears.

Suffering in Silence!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Jun 2015
 
A few years back I got an opportunity to work at a mid-size IT company in Bangalore for a marketing project. I had my friend KC as well with me. One of those days we reached the office in the morning and I saw KC being a little tired. When asked he said he got up with a mild fever. He thought he could manage through the day and hence didn't take an off. The day progressed and soon we'd our regular debrief meeting with our mentor Gopal sir who was known for his military-precision planning. 

During the meeting, KC was seated next to an air-conditioner vent and was quite uncomfortable being there though he said nothing fearing a possible retort from sir. After a while KC started slightly shivering as well. Gopal sir stopped the debriefing in between, looked at KC and asked him what's wrong. KC told him that he was not feeling well from the morning and the air-conditioner was not helping either. The next statement we heard from him left a lasting impression on both of us. He said, "You should've just told me that you are not well and asked for the air-conditioner to be turned off or reduced. Always remember this: Never suffer in silence!"

Many of us would've experienced a similar kind of a situation in our lives, married or otherwise. There are quite a few who are passive about their pain or suffering and strange enough they accept it as a part of their life. The scenario gets even more complicated in a married life. People assume that there is nothing that they can do about this and instead continue to suffer in silence. If someone ever asks, they've a standard reply stating they are helpless and hence accept it as part of the life they've chosen. 

It is not meant to be like this! Marriage is not a contract you enter into, where you agree for all sufferings. It is a bridge which you need to build along with your better half across the river of challenges. If there are sufferings that come along with it, you need to face it together and not alone. You being married do not mean that you are above or below someone. It is a relationship at par. Both of you share an equal level of respect in this Holy initiative named marriage. 

It is not a matter of pride to say that you are suffering something in marriage. It could be insignificant things such as your partner's choices of clothes to food or more critical things such as your interests in planning finances or your child's education. Whatever may it be, it needs to be understood that when you can't reach a consensus, swallowing the bitter pill is not the best option. This will definitely lead to the construction of bridge left to one person and the other one really becomes less active in building the blocks of this beautiful monument called life. 

The truth is bare. Any suffering should be explicitly discussed between the couple. It is quite important to know that there is hardly anything in this world which can't be resolved beyond the four walls of your bedroom. You do not really need a third person's help to sort out an issue between the two of you. If one solution doesn't seem to be working, try ten others. For sure, you will reach a state which is happily acceptable to you both instead of one having to accept it as the way of life. 

Stop thinking of married life as a need of being part of the society! You are getting married to love and being loved. Period! Anything else is just another challenge in your bridge construction. Find the alternatives, place the bricks,build the bridge and never let the river of hurdles stop you from getting across together happily.

Remember this simple yet powerful thought: Never suffer in silence! 

God bless you.

The Complete Couple

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - May 2015

Have you seen people admiring a couple and making this cliche statement, "What a perfect couple?! Made for each other!" I have always wondered what does it really mean. Is there really something called a 'perfect couple'? Isn't it a dream that we always see in some of the less realistic movies? Here's what I figured out.

We see a lot of couples around us daily. We start seeing them right from our family, among friends, at work, outside work and all around us. Two individuals who decide to come together to be a couple and thereby form a family may have many things in common. It is equally important to notice that the uncommon ones quite often override the common elements in their nature. How is it still that some of these couples get certified as perfect?

The best thing to realize when you look at one of these perfect couples is that these two human beings are created by God just like each one of us. They were born in two different families, grew up in their own distinct backgrounds, have their individual views about everything around them and finally were joined as part of a Divine plan. These people were not born immaculate and continue to be imperfect. They make mistakes, they get restless, they fight and in the middle of all these they lead their lives, together.

What differentiates these regular-looking couple from the rest of the world is that they figure out a huge fact about themselves. They know they are incomplete individually, but together they make a Complete Couple! They know each one has got areas they are weak at, all the while realizing the strengths of their partners. This insight is one of the most powerful gifts in the life of any couple! It is no secret that most of the couples could discover this, soon after they begin their life together. The key here is how they make use of what they have learned about their better halves.

Remember learning about metamorphosis back in school? This is the magical process by which an insignificant pupa transforms itself to a beautiful butterfly! This colorful creation of God does not even realize what happens to it over the period of time. All what it does is wait patiently and let the nature take its course. Any impatience will lead to a disaster resulting in a deformed creation. Every 'perfect couple' goes through such a transformation as well.

The moment you decide to make the positives of each other work for your benefit, you transform yourself to a magical couple. Identify the areas where each one is weak and strong. If you are strong in one area ensure that you own it up thereby complimenting the weakness of the other. You could be strong in handling finance whereas your partner may have a unique acumen for planning out things. You may have an amazing eye for detail but your partner may be totally an artistic person.

Whatever unique characters you both are, it is important that you extract the power of your combination to the benefit of the family. Always remember to never let the other one down citing a weakness. Reassure your better half during moments of doubt that you are on a journey together. Tell your partner that you are there to share the load and that's how you fulfill your wedding vows.

May the good God help you realize the power within you to transform yourself as a perfect couple! May the world around now start looking at you and exclaim, "Look at them! There goes a Complete Couple!"

God bless you! 

Guerrillas around us! - Malayalam Translation

The Malayalam translation of the article Guerrillas around us! - On a special request from a subscriber of Bethlehem Matrimonial Magazine - May 2015  

Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!

Tears of a Father

"Why do you tie my hands?" The son smiled at his dad's question. His dad exactly knew why he was doing this. Nevertheless it is quite characteristic of him to demand an answer. He replied, "Dad, I really need to do this. You are pretty infamous for your temper. Can't even imagine your reaction when you get see how they'll treat me. Not that you don't know already".

Father and son, both looked at each other. There was a deep sense of empathy in those pairs of eyes. Dad spoke again. The voice was filled with pain this time. "Son, do you really want to do this? How do I let you go through this agony knowing what's in store for you?" The question was greeted with the same disarming smile again. The reply he received was quite simple, "I asked for this dad. This is the only way to save them; their last chance!"

Memories flashed back to a day when they both met at the corridors of their home. There were a few others around as well. His dad seemed to be quite disturbed. The brows were creased. That wasn't a good sign at all. The last time anyone saw that was when he was deciding the destiny of Sodom and Gomorrah. The son got worried sensing his dad's mood. He asked his dad what's running in his mind and if there is anything which he could do to help.  

Dad said, "I've been giving these people enough warnings. I once flooded them all. Thought Noah's sons will learn from it, but their memory was short lived. Sodom and Gomorrah was next. Seems like no fire or brimstone will ever change anything. I'd sent some of my best men to these wretched set of people giving them enough time to repent. Nothing seems to have worked. I think I'm running out of options. If I could provide them, I can take back them as well, once and for all!"

Those words sent a shrill down the spine of those who were listening. The son was quick to speak, "Dad, isn't that quite harsh a decision? Why don't you give me an opportunity to set this straight this time? Probably they'll listen to a different voice. I've some new thoughts as well." He saw a smirk breaking on his dad's face. Words escaped his mouth, "Son, you don't even know these lot. They're worse than some of the lesser developed animals! You've no clue what you'll have to face there."

"That's a challenge worth taking!" Son replied.

Everyone looked eagerly at the father awaiting a response from him. He seemed to have lost himself in a deep thought. No one could even remotely conceive the intensity of the pain he was going through at the moment. He was fighting a train of thoughts. "I knew this is how it was written. I wrote this myself not knowing why I did it this way. My loving son, he has come of age. He is destined to take this up knowing the perils that await him ahead. How do I not let him take it? He knows this and so do I. The only way out is to go ahead as written."

The father finally spoke, "So be it!"

The time has now come. The garden of Gethsemane was filled with echoes of wailing. The trusted ones have turned traitors. Unfair trials, flesh piercing lashes, a crown of thorn and every possible torture followed which is humanly impossible to comprehend. The son was finally crucified on a heavy cross which he carried more than half an kilometer to the destined place known as 'place of skull', Golgotha!

He knew this was the only way of redemption for the desolate souls. The pain, the torture, the suffering, the blood and finally his life! He was reclaiming an entire humanity with these. But he knew very well that his dad was watching the whole ordeal, all the while with his hands tied. He knew his father's fury and hence there was one final thing to do before he breathed his last. He looked up and their eyes met again. He pleaded to his dad, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".

He saw his dad's face for one last time. Those eyes were filled.

Tears of helplessness rolled down the cheeks of the Supreme Being! 

Mug the Challenge!

Lush green paddy fields, gentle ripples of backwaters and wells with water as pure as a mountain spring; all these and many more painted the picture around the small town in which I was born and brought up. Scarcity of water is something that was unheard of during my childhood. In addition, the water we needed at home was always drawn from the well and we never received a paper with the title ‘Water Bill’.

The picture got slightly blurred when I first moved out of my town to my neighbouring state for higher studies. I was first introduced to the concept of ‘hard water’. It was quite difficult initially to get used to this different genre of water. It was there I first saw this strange sight of people buying mineral water in bulk. It was strange since there was a drinking water dispenser at the college hostel from where many of us took water from. When asked I was told that they use mineral water for head bath since hard water will spoil the hair. Imagine the kind of money people spent for this!

Life moved on and soon I was in the metropolitan city of Bangalore. For the first time in my life I had to buy drinking water for my daily consumption since there was no supply of drinking water at the place where I stayed. On top of this an additional amount started appearing on my monthly expense statements. I started paying water bills though the amount was quite minimal compared to the electricity bills.

A few years later I got married and as destiny had its way, we ended up in the desert kingdom of Dubai. One fine day after our first month in Dubai we received a bill from Dubai Electricity and Water Authority. How would you feel if you get struck with a heavy-duty sledgehammer? That’s the status we were in, seeing the amount for the water we consumed. It was a shocker to realize that we really need to pay more for water than power!

Thinking about this transition itself is quite dreadful! From a literally free supply of water to rationed supply of hard water to nominal payment for consumed water and finally to a state where we end up paying more for water than electricity itself! It was high time we realized the path we are heading to. We had to do something really drastic to reduce the consumption of this limited natural resource.

One of the solutions appeared in the form of a simple item present in our bathroom. An innocent little mug! When we started looking at our water usage, we realized that the washbasin tap is a big culprit who contributes to the scary numbers on our water bill. It never dawned on us till then the quantity of water that gets lost while using the tap. Most of us don’t realize that when a tap is opened we end up losing more water than what we really need. Do you have the habit of holding water in your open palm to wash your face or to brush your teeth or for any other morning routine? Next time you do this; notice the amount of water that flows out of your hand as well as from the tap against the actual amount of water you really use. The delta will be huge!

Our approach was quite simple. We started using the mug to hold water from the tap and use exactly the quantity that we needed. This helped us to reduce our water consumption quite significantly! The water bills in this part of the world, where lives are built on top of a desert, continue to be high. Nevertheless each drop thus saved directly added to our piggy bank.

You are not just doing yourself a favour, but in fact you are saving this depleting natural resource for your kids and the generations to come! A simple change with a huge impact!

So, do you have it in you to take up this challenge?!