It was the second anniversary of my dad’s passing last month. I was speaking to mom, and she recollected an incident related to him and a drumstick plant he nurtured while he was around but never bore any fruits till last month.
Dad used to take care of the
plant as if it was his child and watered it daily. He even gave timely manure which
promptly let the plant grow tall and branch out beautifully. But for some
reason the plant never flowered nor gave any fruits. My mom knew what the issue
was and told him not to water daily since drumstick is a drought friendly plant.
Dad never stopped and continued with his ritual till his last days.
After his passing, the
drumstick plant was finally left to fend for itself. On the second anniversary
of my dad, as though the plant wanted to celebrate the freedom, it flowered big
time and subsequently all the flowers turned into fruits as well.
As soon as mom finished
narrating the story, I couldn’t help but think about many of us who go through
a similar situation in life. No, I am not talking about the experience with
plants, instead our experience with being a mentee or a mentor.
Many of us who had a mentor
in our life most likely would have experienced mentorship in one of the two
ways. In the first case, we may be blessed with a mentor who usually has a
larger-than-life image in our mind helps us to understand the aspects of what
we are being mentored and scale up so that we can handle things ourselves. The
latter is when a similar larger-than-life mentor remains that forever though
while helping you to understand the nuances of mentorship, rarely allows you to
scale up beyond your current capabilities.
The first kind of mentor is
the ideal one who believes in you and trusts you to deliver independently after
a while even when they are not around. Just the way the drumstick plant would
have felt after my dad was gone. While the second kind of mentor accidentally
or otherwise, limits the true potential of their mentee, and the mentee ends up
with a growth that seems quite commendable, but after a point reaches a
stagnation and does not yield any results whatsoever. Just the way the
drumstick plant was when it was being watered daily. This is nothing but patronizing
and not mentoring.
Now I have a question each
for all the mentees and mentors out there. If you are a mentor, ask yourself what
kind of mentorship school do you belong to? Do you truly nurture your mentees and
allow them to come out in flying colours or are you the kind that stops their
growth thinking that they are not ready yet for the world? Believe me, if you
are a good mentor, your mentee will be ready to fly out provided you cut the
rope that holds them back. Try it out once and you will be surprised to see the
results for yourself.
The question to the mentees
is trickier. Do you feel yourself being stifled by your mentor and not being
allowed enough freedom to do what you would experiment based on your learning?
If so, you now have a responsibility to clearly articulate that to your mentor.
Most of the mentors will understand. Else find the courage to break-free from
the shackles of such patronizing mentorship and push your boundaries with a
never-before tried courage so that you will realize sky is not the limit.
While I know it is a thin
line that differentiates the two types of mentorships, my earnest wish to all
mentors and mentees out there is to listen to your hearts and do what is right!