Mother Hen Managers

If you were lucky enough to grow up in an environment where you saw how a hen raised her chicks, I shall say you had been privy to one of the greatest lessons you could ever learn from mother nature. Do not be surprised, if I say, the learning from this experience applies to all managers across the corporate world and, closer home, to all parents as well, irrespective of your gender.

Soon after the eggs hatch, the mother hen takes the chicks along with her and searches for food and feeds them with what she finds. The process continues for a while until a day arrives when you will see a significant behavioural change in mother hen. Instead of keeping the chicks closer to her, finding and feeding them with food she searched for, she now appears to mercilessly drive them away. The action is not to be considered as a lack of love, instead one that is intended to make the chicks self sufficient so that they can find food and feed themselves. That is the only way they will survive the big bad world out there.

Now let me take you to the corporate world we are in. We see two kinds of managers exhibiting behaviours you read in the above statements. There are those who constantly feed aka nurture the people who report to them. These are the managers who feel it is easier if they get things done for their team so that it is helpful for the team to finish the pieces of work. This is a behaviour, that is expressed, at times, due to fear of incompletion and other times from an obsessively compulsive nature which do not let these managers delegate their work. Then there are others who constantly challenge their direct reports to go above and beyond their capabilities so that one day they become equal or even better than the managers themselves.

I have been fortunate in my career to have worked with both kinds of managers. While the first ones may appear quite regressive, in the initial years of your career, getting a manager like that helps you as a shield from the wrath of some of the senior executives, when you make mistakes. But as you grow into senior positions, you may want this shield to be broken and learn to fend for yourself, in which case, a manager of the latter kind is better.

Interesting enough, closer to our families, these behaviours resonate well with each of us as parents or children. Parents who help their children with everything always, may think they are helping them survive. But the fact remains that the parents who are like the mother hen who wanted the children to be self-sufficient will be doing a great deal more of a service to their children in the long run.

We all don the roles of either the children or parents. Like it or not, these roles are inadvertently laced with our corporate personas. On this Mother’s Day, when we celebrate mothers, what else can be a good reminder than the mother hen and her strategy to empower those who work with us.

Happy Mother’s Day to all managers out there, irrespective of your gender, who learned from this simple yet powerful lesson from mother hen!

When my niece stopped a plane!

Bangalore, the beautiful garden city was engulfed in a thick blanket of fog at 4 o’ clock in the morning that day. Getting up that early was not my usual routine, but it was meant to be a very special day. I was to drop my dear cousin and her little one to the airport. My cousin had a trans-Atlantic flight to catch from Bangalore all the way to Chicago with one stop in-between. It was going to be an affair with the skies for more than 20 hours! She was quite tensed thinking of the long journey with my niece who was just a few months old. The very first flight for the baby!

We reached the airport before time so that she could comfortably finish check-in related procedures. These were the days when online check-in was yet to become the norm. My uncle and aunt, her parents, were with us as well to see her off. Uncle informed her that we’ll wait outside the airport till the time the flight departs. It was probably one of the finest decisions uncle took which I’m sure made him happy later.

The sequence of incidents that unfolded later was to be termed nothing less than a real-life-drama. My sister along with the baby completed the check-in procedures pretty well. Being a mom for the first time and travelling with a few days old baby is never an easy combination. She somehow managed to complete the process and moved to the boarding gate. Soon enough she found herself seated next to an American guy who was destined to have a flight of his lifetime!

Shortly before the take-off, my niece decided that she had enough of being a nice kid and started acting cranky. My cousin used every possible arsenal she had to pacify the little one. This was the first of a million times she was to realize that there were certain moments when no tricks what-so-ever worked with an angry baby. What she wouldn’t have known then is that she was to become an expert in all such cases soon with God blessing her with four more such angels in future!

The baby continued to act difficult and started crying incessantly. My cousin could see the American gentleman starting to get a bit uneasy in the next seat. Somehow he seemed to have got a vision of what’s going to happen next and was mentally preparing for the worst. The cabin crew started to take notice of the situation as well. While the drama was on, the captain of the flight announced the immediate departure of the flight. The tyres started to roll.

My niece promptly elevated the tension of the scene by shifting her crying to top gear. Soon she was competing with the vibration of the flight taxiing to the runway with her earth shattering scream. She realized that something needed to be done immediately lest the flight will take off. The moment of truth arrived! She took her full strength and with a loud cry splashed an entire load of vomit right on to the lovely wrinkle free shirt of the American. This was the very moment when flight touched the runway!

The whole scene on-board turned quite chaotic. Everyone around my cousin’s seat started getting panicky. The cabin crew decided to intervene. Without wasting a moment they informed the dire situation to the captain. This was moments before the flight was given clearance to take off by Air Traffic Control.

Not knowing any of these dramatic events, we remained at the airport parking lot awaiting the sight of the departing flight. Shortly after my niece finished executing her final scene of the play, my uncle got a call on his mobile. I could see his face muscles getting tightened as my sister gave him a quick summary of what happened. In a few minutes, we greeted her along with my niece at the Arrivals area of the airport.

My sister narrated the unbelievable story again to all of us. I looked at my niece and there she was, peacefully lying in the arms of my aunt. She even had a smile, the one that is seen only on the face of those who created history!

Pappam or Papam?

One of the most recent debates that is taking rounds in the social media during March 2018 is attributed to a cover photo on a Malayalam magazine. Published from Kerala, the southernmost state in India, portrays a mother who is feeding her baby and has a tagline that says “Moms to Kerala: Don’t stare, we need to breastfeed”.

The girl in the picture is in fact a model who posed with the baby of a mother who was also present during the photoshoot. The big question that is trending now is, ‘Was she / magazine right in doing this’? There are quite a few supporters as well as critics for the assignment taken up by the young model.

The more I think about this debate, two words in Malayalam come to my mind. First one is ‘Pappam’ a term which babies use to denote the most natural feeding bottle available in the world. Second one is ‘Papam’ which means ‘sin’.

It is quite a strange situation that a simple organ in human body is looked at with such a wide spectrum of meanings. What is stranger is the fact that, sheer perception of human beings is what gives one the most innocent and an almost divine aspect whereas the other makes it an object that precipitates a state of a sin being committed that the society almost considers it a taboo!

A baby says ‘Pappam’ and look forward to the mother for quenching her hunger. The act by which the mother and baby becomes one again, is probably the only time after the umbilical cord gets severed. It is an experience something short of being one with God where you take part in sustenance of life on Earth!

The other side of debate borders around topics of sexuality and societal norms that demands women to cover their chest while feeding or otherwise. It is quite interesting to observe that not long ago, when caste system prevailed, there was a revolt in the state of Kerala among the lower castes fighting for their right to cover their chest!

Back to the big question, what is right? I doubt if we’ll ever get a single answer. What is the right thing to do when the same object is perceived by some as a symbol of selfless love and others as eternal icon of lust?

We’ve both sets of people around us and hence I think it is wise to leave it to the prudence of mothers to apply their judgement on what to do when they’ve to feed their little ones. You’ve a million pairs of eyes staring at your chest, of which some are of babies whereas others definitely not; both with an intention to satisfy hunger, with totally different perspectives!

Love your baby & stay safe!

Deputy of God!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2018

It was a few minutes past midnight on a cold and dark winter during January 2018. My two year old daughter woke up screaming ‘Amma’! She scrambled out of the bed and dashed towards the living room through the darkness, totally ignoring my attempts to pacify her. I switched on the light and it took a couple of minutes before she realized that we were still in the middle of the night. Fortunately I could calm her down and soon she was back on the bed sleeping peacefully through rest of the night.

This was just a beginning! One of the many incidents that made me realize that we’ve a very special person in our family, whose absence is too significant to be filled by anyone else. A few hours before the incident, I had dropped my sweetheart at the airport. She had to leave to India, alone, for an unavoidable trip for 3 days. With full confidence and days off from office planned, I took charge of our little ones, 6 year and 2 year old assuring her that everything will be alright. Little did I know what I was signing up for!

Our son had earlier showed signs of a developing cough and cold. It was as though the cold and cough were scared of the mother that soon after her flight took off, it broke all barriers. He was coughing and sneezing badly. I had initially planned to send him to school the next day, but with this, I decided otherwise. I couldn’t have imagined what I’ll end up with this decision.

I’ve two little monsters on the loose in a recently moved in house void of a very important person and there I was, like a man on a boat sailing on a seemingly peaceful river in an unexplored jungle with a blind turning ahead, beyond which awaits a steep waterfall to take me all the way to the rocky bottom into a mysterious abyss!

Next three days were filled with lots of incidents, some of which were thankfully managed and others where I felt like being driven to my wit’s end. I always thought and was even proud of myself that I am one of those husbands who helped their wives at home, the ones especially without a maid, so as to bring in an element of balance in the family. I was totally mistaken.

There have been multiple times during these three days when I stopped for a moment and wondered how in this world did my wife manage to do all these in a day?! All of a sudden I found myself attaining an enlightenment on the world of a ‘maid-less housewife with kids’ and the battles they’ve to fight on a daily basis while their spouses think that the petty issues they face in offices are nothing short of a World War.

I am now blessed with a completely renewed respect for such super humans who qualify for a title nothing short of ‘Deputy of God’. The amount of challenges they have to juggle around with are simply endless. This is something which others in the family will never get to know unless experienced first-hand.

It is quite natural for a lot of us to take our dear ones for granted. We’re not tuned to look at the daunting tasks each of our family members go through every day, especially the ones who choose to stay at home and look after the kids. This does not mean that the work done by the traditional bread-winners are less important. From the incident portrayed above, I would even strongly recommend every bread-winner in a family to go through such an experience which I’m quite sure will help you turn out to be better human beings and even result in a more loving family.

After what seemed like ages, finally the day came when the life of our family returned. We picked her up from the airport and as soon as we were all together back home, we gifted her with a beautiful picture frame where the letters read: “World’s Best Mom”!

Dedicating this to all loving mothers across our families and all those fathers who take an effort to appreciate these unsung heroes!

God bless.