The Second Chance

‘Ayyappanum Koshiyum’ is a recent Malayalam movie that got released starring Prithviraj Sukumaran and Biju Menon. Soon after the movie got released, a controversy started doing rounds about one of the scenes in the movie. This is the scene where Koshi, the character played by Prithviraj slaps his wife.

Later when a journalist questioned Prithvi on him going back on an earlier promise he made, of never acting in scenes that are outrageous to a woman, he made a very interesting remark. He mentioned that this was the only way to factually represent a problem that exists in our society today even when the parties involved are highly educated. What was even more fascinating was the statement that followed. He said ‘Kannamma’ the character who is the wife of ‘Ayyappan’ hailing from a lesser educated background would’ve walked out of the marriage if it ever happened to her.

You might have guessed where I’m heading to, with this narration. If the guess is that I’ll be touching upon the importance of giving due respect to the women, then guess again! It isn’t that the topic is less important. On the contrary it is one of the most critical topics to be discussed in any forum that talks about relationships. But enough and more has been said about it. Hence I want to focus on the possibility of a second chance each one is capable of giving the other in a relationship.

How often have you ended up in a situation where you misbehaved with your partner to an extent that you made him or her feel that it is not worth living with you anymore? The affected party in such situations have two options ahead. The easier option will be to decide that your partner is not worth to share your life with even for another day. Quite a few take this decision and find the ‘easy way out’ of the relationship. But I really want to talk about the others who take up the more challenging option and lead themselves as well as their partner to a more meaningful life in future.

Option two is where you give a second chance to the one who inflicted pain in you. Definitions can be very relative when it comes to severity of mistakes committed to you by your partner. A slap on a face could be an unpardonable offence for someone whereas for others it is pardonable once if they see hope at the end of the tunnel.

Most of the couples in their early years of relationship are truly in a state of ignorance about each other. You will really know someone only when you start sharing the same roof. This state of ignorance, especially during the initial days, leads to behaviours that may easily be misunderstood as non-compatibility by both parties. This is where a second chance stands crucial. It is absolutely essential to realize that these initial misunderstandings, if amicably resolved on time, will lead to something very beautiful.

Still doubtful? Ask this question to any of your loved ones who had been married for a few years. During the initial years of marriage were there incidents that made them believe that they had to call it quits? Ask them if they could even imagine taking the first option and if so what would’ve happened? I am pretty sure the answer will be all the beautiful moments they experienced together as a couple till date happened only because either of them gave a second chance to the other.

Giving a second chance to your partner isn’t a bad thing but it is equally important that the recipient learns to respect this decision. It requires mutual effort to ensure that the second chance is utilized in its right spirit and more importantly understand that there isn’t a third chance!

May you have the grace to provide a second chance to a loved one, if required and the ability to accept the fact that you are now given an opportunity to make things better! 

Season to Reason

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial May 2014

 

God! Why does this happen to us?! What have we done wrong to be treated like this?! Of all the people around, why is that it is only us who suffer?!

 

Sounds familiar? Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Before trying to find an answer for this, let me take you to the life of Mr.& Mrs. Alex. Just like you see in most of the middle class families with an employed couple, they lived their life from a fixed source of income. Family budgets were usually planned with an amount set aside as savings for future. Any unanticipated expense directly impacted their budget. They lived their life thus, strongly backed by their belief in God with regular visits to church and following the advices from the leaders thereof. 

Life was thus going on when something quite unpleasant happened which derailed a lot of plans Alex and wife had. The apartment in the metro city they stayed increased the rents exponentially. The rental increase was beyond their capability and they had no other option but to find a less expensive accommodation. The couple had recently become parents of a lovely baby girl and the little one had not even turned one. They were quite new to the city as well and a move will definitely burn a hole on their future plans. On top of all the expenses related to shifting,matters were more difficult with the baby being quite small.

Needless to say both Alex and wife were totally disappointed to have something like this happening to them. To them it was a moment when their caring Lord seems to have deserted them. Why on earth otherwise will this have to happen when they recently shifted to this city and had a baby as well? Why is God turning His eyes from them? They became quite rebellious in their thoughts and with each passing day the gap widened between the Creator and them.

Things became even worse with the new apartment offering lesser facilities. Everything appeared to be going wrong with this shift. They longed for their previous apartment where life was much better. Complaints rained down to create a tsunami of negative thoughts in their minds. Life took a very bad U turn with visits to church literally non-existent and all they did was to constantly complain about this unwelcome change in the life.

A few months went by; Alex and his wife became indifferent to their new life. It started raining one day and the days that followed saw one of the most torrential rains the city ever had in its history. One of these days, Alex woke up and fetched the newspaper as usual. He was taking a look at the front page news when his wife got him a cup of tea. She saw his face turning pale and watched with horror as his expression turned to the most dreadful one she had ever seen in their life. He showed her the paper and her eyes were greeted by the terrifying news about their old apartment.Standing like a haunted house, one third of the building was missing with the heavy rains that lashed the city taking down with it a part of the building including the side of the apartment where they stayed. The further details in the news said thirty people were killed including two babies; both were less than a year old!

Many times we feel things are going wrong in our lives. What we forget is the bigger truth that there is someone up there who has a better view on your lives. He knows what is best for you! Next time when you are faced with a difficult situation remember this famous quote, “Someday everything will all make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason”! Learn to season yourself to that thinking. God bless you!

Perceptions

I remember eagerly waiting for summer vacations during school days. A whole year of classes, tests, punishments and all gets into the oblivion with the onset of long holidays. The feeling was quite similar early in the morning today when I woke up at my home in Dubai to a beautiful sight.The roads and trees were all fresh with the rare event of rains in this part of the world! Lovely drops of rain were lashing the roads and everyone driving seems to feel quite happy about not being indoors. I wanted a piece of the happiness pie as well and got ready quite quickly and headed to office. My red beauty from Toyota seems to be dancing in the rain since all what she usually gets is a bucket of water on alternate days.

 

The traffic was quite lean today with schools closed and people perhaps feeling lazy to get up from the bed in such an awesome weather. The drive to the office was very smooth and I thanked God for gifting me such a beautiful day. The excitement was even greater when I thought I’ll be onboard an aircraft in a few hours heading straight home to my sweethearts!

The half empty parking lot welcomed me and I got out inhaling the fragrance of the desert rain. It was slightly drizzling as though the Goddess of Rain was embracing me with her tender love. There were beads of raindrops that laced the border of my office building and I hopped across each time a droplet came down and playfully avoided them from hitting me. I reached office and for a moment thought of having a hot cup of tea with some breakfast which will complement the gorgeous weather, instead of my usual oats. I overcame the temptation and walked directly to my desk and unlocked it to reach for my laptop. Alas! I was greeted by an empty space. A moment of panic struck me. Losing an office laptop is not a major concern since all the work has a back-up created; nevertheless losing was scary!

My gaze was directed to the window while I tried to deduce what could’ve happened. The dark clouds outside now appeared to me like a devil with an ominous cloak on and performing some black magic ritual, the result of which poured down as drops of fire. I suddenly realized that my laptop didn’t get stolen; in fact I had taken it home last evening assuming that I may need it to do some checks for remote mail access. In all the happiness and excitement early in the morning, I conveniently forgot about it while leaving to office.

I was really upset for such an oversight. This will now mean I’ll have to drive back in the rain which now annoyed me big time. The rain drops that earlier felt like a soft feather touch, now were like sharp needles pricking me. I scolded myself for not getting an umbrella and somehow tried to protect my head with a handkerchief. The droplets continued to fall from the office building. I cursed the maintenance department for not doing a proper job. Ducking down to the falling drops and jumping across pools of water thinking about the poorly designed drainage facilities of this city, I reached where the car was parked. I was about to get in when it dawned on me that I forgot the house key in my bag that I carried to office! It didn’t matter that temperature outside was coming down closer to a single digit; I was boiling from within.

All that appeared beautiful a few moments back were turning out to be an eyesore for me. All the exhilarating experience of the rarity of rains went down the drains of despair. I went back to the office, got the home key and headed home to get the laptop. While waiting at a signal on the way I overheard the last bit of a conversation between my heart and my mind.

Heart said, “I was jumping up and down with joy a moment back and now I don’t even feel that I’m moving.” Mind replied, “It is all about perceptions my dear”. 

It is not ‘cos of me...

I woke up in the morning having the same thought as every other day. I’m sure mom will be happy that I remembered God after I woke up. But what she’ll never get to know was that her son wasn’t thanking God, instead mumbling, “Oh God! Another day in office”! Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I am awake and alive to see all the beautiful things God has kept in store for me...

I look at my side and see my wife and my little baby either sleeping away to glory or crying out loud as if the sky is going to fall on him. I say the usual good morning to my beloved and kiss the child trying not to wake him up lest he’ll start his earth shattering cry which will derail all my plans for the day. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I’ve two of the most beautiful creations by God right beside me and being loved by them which gifts me the all important feeling of being wanted by someone in this world...

I lie on my bed facing the roof of the bedroom in our well furnished apartment concerned about the possible increase in the rent a few months down the line. A bunch of calculations run through my mind on how to plan for the extra money or manage the hassle of shifting the place yet another time! Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I have a roof above my head to where He had sent the guardian angels to protect me and my family...

I get ready in a jiffy trying to make up for the lost time while I was making up my mind to apply for a leave or not for the day. I part the curtains to take a look at the queuing cars on the road opposite from my balcony and curse the traffic that builds up right from the morning. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I have a job in hand and a car to travel in...

I hit the roads of this Arab nation with its numerous signals and the beeline of vehicles to finally end up at office praying hard to get an empty parking all the while listening to the RJs trying to lift my spirit in the morning. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that there was no accident en route and I had enough money to buy a parking card...

I face the usual music in office from my manager about deliverables and deadlines. Knowing the importance of these I still get myself lost among the news and views of people from across the world for a good majority of things which does not even remotely concern me. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I have been given a tremendous opportunity to learn something new and an equally competent person to guide me to achieve my goals...

I open my flask with the fruit oats I made in the morning and dunk it along with all my vengeance to the world. The almonds, walnuts and raisins tickle my taste buds to eventually end up deep down in my bowels. I have my breakfast in the most mechanical way while skimming through the papers carrying scores of horrible news for the day. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that I have something to eat and more importantly I can eat...

I look at my watch trying to scare the needles to run faster so that I can escape myself from the laborious hills of never ending tasks. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that these same tasks given to me are the ones that metamorphose into a good looking number at the end of the month that brings a smile to my face and help realise my dreams...

All of these and a hundred more other complaints that I raise with each passing day build itself a complex logic in my mind about how difficult life is. Rarely do I remember, it is not ‘cos of me that the countless worries in the past have been taken care by Him and is no more a matter of concern the way it was when they all started...

I look upon Thee with tearful eyes for being selectively ignorant of the blessings I receive every day. I do remember now my Lord that You have placed me in Your palm and that alone takes away all my concerns! I thank Thee for this life!