Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Sep 2016
It will be quite an interesting exercise to ask a question on changes in life to a married couple, especially a few months into their marriage. I’m pretty sure many of them will have stories to share about how life has changed for them or how their partner has tried to influence to bring in a bunch of changes in their life. Never mind, this is one of the most natural things to have happened to a married couple.
Having said that, after a few years into our marriage, during one of those looking-back-to-your-past days, I had a major realization! There were a few things which both my wife and I tried to get changed in each other after we got married. Needless to say we both were ‘successful’ to a great extent. That did leave us with a handful of changes that neither of us could influence the other to change and they remained as is.
The realization I mentioned earlier came to me a few days back. To my own surprise I figured out that I now love some of those things which I wanted to be changed in my sweetheart! I was not sure if I was prepared to face such a realization. Nevertheless it indeed was a moment of truth.
Probably this isn’t true for every couple. Then again no two couples are the same. Just that it works for some and does not for others. Nevertheless the thought is worth sharing. I now wonder how many such other things I may have made her change which would’ve been worth retaining in its original form that one day in future I would’ve started loving them!
If you are a new couple or one about to be, it could be worth a try to keep this thought in mind. Realize that it isn’t a necessity to insist your partner to change every routine of theirs if you don’t approve it. Be informed that you might as well be changing something which you would’ve liked, given some time.
Be aware that the aspect of not resorting to changes is no excuse for changing the habits that negatively influence people such as addictions, illegal activities etc. Those that need to go must go. There are no two ways about it. The reference here is about those habits or nature you see in your partner which you wish aligned to your interests and hence you insist that they change them.
Needless to say, this act of not insisting a change requires a lot of courage from both the parties involved. While one is from the perspective of resisting the change, the other more importantly is to keep an open mind and embrace the nature of their partner as-is. This isn’t a simple task so to speak, a task that can probably take ages to reach an acceptance from the more affected party.
It is a wonderful nature of the human psyche that a seemingly least interested entity, be it a person, a thing or an activity, can generate a lot of interest over a period of time. Without you knowing it, you’ll be forced to start developing a liking to the same entity you disliked in the past. This probably is one of the biggest ironies of life! Hence you may just end up putting in a lot of efforts to get a habit changed in your partner resulting in losing a wonderful experience you may have in future.
Change is a constant as all of us are aware. But ask yourself this question. Is the change that you are insisting on your better half really worth it? Is this in fact something which you may possibly love in future and see a benefit in doing that? If so there is only one thing you have got to do. Keep the need to change to yourself. Give it sometime. For all that matter, you might uncover a diamond which looks like a piece of carbon today.
May the good God help you have a vision for future and bless you with such decisions that will have life-saving moments!