Skip to main content

Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!


Popular posts from this blog

Mesmerizing Mauritius!

Couple of decades back whenever there was a need to get anything done related to passports or flight tickets, I remember visiting one of the travel agency offices in my hometown. One of the most interesting attractions in the office was the wall that was beautifully adorned with posters of quite a few destinations across the world. Among everything on the wall, one poster always caught my attention. A lovely white sand beach with beautiful emerald green waters with pine trees lining the borders of the beach! It was a scene right out of a fairy tale.
Twenty years down the line, I now stand with the emerald green waters kissing my feet bringing along with it the lovely white sand blanketing my ankles and right behind me I can see the pine trees still lining the borders of the beach. Yes! I am in Mauritius!
It was a family vacation my wife, Ruby and I planned along with our son and daughter, Ryan and Mia, five and one year old each. We had our reservations about travelling with kids; yet …

Glorious Gokarna!

Gokarna [Nov 2008]
Genre: Multi-day trip

Bangalore to Gokarna
Buses VRL/Sea Bird/KSRTC
Train – A station 6 kms from Gokarna
Ø Roads are really bad. If you plan in advance, take a train

Duration – 10 to 12 hours by bus

Local Travel – Auto – Expensive – You could bargain
Almost 10 kms from Gokarna town to Om Beach
BeachesOm Beach – Biggest with multiple cafes
Kudle Beach – Water is better
Half Moon Beach

Places to Stay
Namaste Cafe – At Om Beach – Pretty nice bath attached rooms with electric power & good food – Rs 400 to 600 per day
Skylark Cafe –Solar powered Shacks – Common Bathroom – Rs 200 to 300 per day
There are many other cafes around (Dolphin Café, Sunrise Café)
If you prefer to stay at some luxury resorts, you do have some options for that too there.
Other interesting factsThere’s a German café on the Kudle beach
You could trek and reach the other beaches around, which is fun. Alternatively you could take the boats available which will cost you Rs 50 per head
Ensure that…

Yes! It is my business!

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Mar 2017

A few years back during my higher studies in a city outside Kerala, a bunch of friends including a few boys and girls, paid a visit to a classmate’s home. We all had a good time there and soon it was time for lunch. Needless to say it was a sumptuous treat and at the end of it we got up and was about to take the plates to the kitchen. The host was literally shocked to see us do that and asked us boys not to do that whereas there was no objection for the girls to take the plates to the kitchen. I for a moment thought about my home where my mom ensured that, my brother and I were given the tasks to do everything possible at home to the extent that we almost had a roster for doing the chores!
We see a lot of families around us sharing responsibilities. Some even have a practice of dividing the responsibilities between the husband and wife. While this definitely helps in getting the work done there is a bit of risk with this approach. The divisio…