Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!