Fuel & Fire

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Apr 2015

Have you ever come across a situation where a prospective bride or groom started doubting their decision? You may have seen young boys and girls having an afterthought on the decision they have made after agreeing mentally about their future partner. This is typically true with scenarios of arranged marriage where usually the decision is majorly influenced by immediate families and relatives.

The days between wedding fixing and the actual day of wedding are quite crucial for a healthy relationship to develop between the couple as well as their families. A shadow of doubt should not ideally be cast on a decision once taken unless it is perceived to be a threat to the future of the relation itself.

It is quite natural to have multiple rounds of discussions across the families and relatives about their future son-in-law or daughter-in-law. The parents or siblings in the families tend to have detailed chats on the positives and negatives of the boy or girl. Many a times they don't even realize that a casual remark or a seemingly innocent statement could have far reaching consequences. These remarks could range from references to style sense, complexion, communication skills, education etc. to name a few. The impact of such remarks could be multifold, affecting the future couple in many ways than one.

One of the biggest situations in an arranged marriage is that there will be a checklist maintained mentally not just by the boy and the girl, but also the families involved. During this crucial period between fixing and actual wedding, this entire list gets scrutinized by everyone multiple times. The expectations that are not getting matched are the ones that are usually discussed in the families the most.

The parents and siblings forget a significant truth while discussing the personal nature about their future in-laws. They are discussing about a boy or girl who could possibly be the most important person in the life for their daughter or son. They need to realize that the comments they make could highly manipulate the minds of these youngsters. This could effectively translate to strong opinions being formed in their minds about their future partners. The opinions thus formed will in turn have an impact in the life of the young couple.

There is an additional fact to be considered in this case which is equally essential. The discussions families have with their relatives create the first impressions about future son or daughter in laws. Their approach in future towards these new members of the families will be clearly influenced by these discussions. Hence the families have a key responsibility to paint the right picture about their future sons and daughters to their relatives. What they say today is what their children will hear tomorrow from the relatives!

While the parents consider it their duty to find a perfect match for their children, it is just as important to ensure that they create a comfortable relationship with the relatives for their future sons or daughter in laws. It is important that they know where to draw-the-line when discussing about their potential new family members with the relatives. This will ensure that they portray their children in the right light in front of the entire family.

While there is nothing called a perfect marriage, there are people around us who could make it almost one, provided they apply prudence while having such discussions during the crucial periods in the life of their children.

May the good God bless your families with the judiciousness to understand what adds fuel to fire! This is quite essential to save many relationships from future challenges and create that almost perfect marriage for you!

Tears of a Father

"Why do you tie my hands?" The son smiled at his dad's question. His dad exactly knew why he was doing this. Nevertheless it is quite characteristic of him to demand an answer. He replied, "Dad, I really need to do this. You are pretty infamous for your temper. Can't even imagine your reaction when you get see how they'll treat me. Not that you don't know already".

Father and son, both looked at each other. There was a deep sense of empathy in those pairs of eyes. Dad spoke again. The voice was filled with pain this time. "Son, do you really want to do this? How do I let you go through this agony knowing what's in store for you?" The question was greeted with the same disarming smile again. The reply he received was quite simple, "I asked for this dad. This is the only way to save them; their last chance!"

Memories flashed back to a day when they both met at the corridors of their home. There were a few others around as well. His dad seemed to be quite disturbed. The brows were creased. That wasn't a good sign at all. The last time anyone saw that was when he was deciding the destiny of Sodom and Gomorrah. The son got worried sensing his dad's mood. He asked his dad what's running in his mind and if there is anything which he could do to help.  

Dad said, "I've been giving these people enough warnings. I once flooded them all. Thought Noah's sons will learn from it, but their memory was short lived. Sodom and Gomorrah was next. Seems like no fire or brimstone will ever change anything. I'd sent some of my best men to these wretched set of people giving them enough time to repent. Nothing seems to have worked. I think I'm running out of options. If I could provide them, I can take back them as well, once and for all!"

Those words sent a shrill down the spine of those who were listening. The son was quick to speak, "Dad, isn't that quite harsh a decision? Why don't you give me an opportunity to set this straight this time? Probably they'll listen to a different voice. I've some new thoughts as well." He saw a smirk breaking on his dad's face. Words escaped his mouth, "Son, you don't even know these lot. They're worse than some of the lesser developed animals! You've no clue what you'll have to face there."

"That's a challenge worth taking!" Son replied.

Everyone looked eagerly at the father awaiting a response from him. He seemed to have lost himself in a deep thought. No one could even remotely conceive the intensity of the pain he was going through at the moment. He was fighting a train of thoughts. "I knew this is how it was written. I wrote this myself not knowing why I did it this way. My loving son, he has come of age. He is destined to take this up knowing the perils that await him ahead. How do I not let him take it? He knows this and so do I. The only way out is to go ahead as written."

The father finally spoke, "So be it!"

The time has now come. The garden of Gethsemane was filled with echoes of wailing. The trusted ones have turned traitors. Unfair trials, flesh piercing lashes, a crown of thorn and every possible torture followed which is humanly impossible to comprehend. The son was finally crucified on a heavy cross which he carried more than half an kilometer to the destined place known as 'place of skull', Golgotha!

He knew this was the only way of redemption for the desolate souls. The pain, the torture, the suffering, the blood and finally his life! He was reclaiming an entire humanity with these. But he knew very well that his dad was watching the whole ordeal, all the while with his hands tied. He knew his father's fury and hence there was one final thing to do before he breathed his last. He looked up and their eyes met again. He pleaded to his dad, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing".

He saw his dad's face for one last time. Those eyes were filled.

Tears of helplessness rolled down the cheeks of the Supreme Being!