Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Feb 2015
New Year this time was spent at a friend’s place. Alex and Nisha were one of the most interesting couple friends we’ve ever met. While we were there, Nisha had a deep craving for her favourite dish which contains an ingredient her doctor had earlier advised to avoid. She very well knew this, but her urge to have this item was so intense that she put her foot down and said there is no other way but to get her that. For sure Alex knew this is not the right thing to do and hence he strongly objected her desire. Alex also reminded her how important it was to follow the doctor’s advice especially on the food intake since the doctor knew what was best for her.
The argument went on for a while. Sparks of disagreement filled the air. The house was witnessing a calamity in formation. On one side there was this deep rooted desire to have a simple food item and on the other side, stood like a rock, the strict medical advice to avoid such an item. It was quite a tensed atmosphere for a while and it almost felt like the New Year fireworks started a bit too early!
When everything seems to be falling apart, just like Newton got hit with an apple, an idea struck Nisha! Why not ask for a customized dish without the unsafe ingredient?! Strange enough, among the barrage of arguments this simple solution never occurred in any of our minds. It was the perfect thing to do and if this was known earlier, the entire argument could have been very well avoided. Then again, certain things are designed to happen in a specific way and happen it will, just that way!
New Year taught us a very important lesson. It is quite natural to have a longing for many things in life. Some of these may be permitted while others may be strictly out of bounds. Before even you wage a war against a loved one for denying you an item that is not permitted it is good to think why they say so. It is not out of any vicarious pleasure that a dear one says no to you for something that is clearly considered unsafe for you and your family. Many a times certain hard decisions are taken keeping in mind the future of your togetherness. This could be true with anything in life. This could range from a simple act of having a specific dish to a most complex investment you make as a family. Apply your brain before your heart, in such instances.
The other thing we were reminded was, how essential it is not to react in such a situation. It is absolutely important not to belittle the desire since it is quite human to have such needs and to fulfil them as well. The moment both the parties decide to react, the situation may really get out of hand and lead to further consequences rather than trying to resolve the issue together.
A bigger point that surfaced based on our New Year experience is the fact that we should always think of alternatives. Not all problems may have ready solutions. On the other hand, a problem need not only have a single solution. There could be many alternatives which you may not see while you are busy arguing why something should be or should not be done. While it is easy to say, it makes a lot of difference to keep an open mind and think if there is a different way to achieve a solution to your problem. Finding alternatives is an art by itself. It has a science as well built into it. Again, give your emotions a bit of rest, tell your heart to take a break and bring your brains to work a little bit extra so that the logic takes precedence than trivial sentiments.
Last but not the least; it takes a lot of effort to keep aside ones ego and to say ‘sorry’. When someone does that, learn to appreciate it rather than adding fuel to the fire. A genuine smile and an affectionate hug is all that may be required to bring an end to your difference. At the end of the day, what should win is love. Your love for each other has got no substitute. You’ve sworn in front of the Mighty One to hold those hands together in any circumstance whatsoever, to love and live forever.