Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Feb 2015
New Year this time was
spent at a friend’s place. Alex and Nisha were one of the most interesting
couple friends we’ve ever met. While we were there, Nisha had a deep craving for
her favourite dish which contains an ingredient her doctor had earlier advised
to avoid. She very well knew this, but her urge to have this item was so
intense that she put her foot down and said there is no other way but to get
her that. For sure Alex knew this is not the right thing to do and hence he strongly
objected her desire. Alex also reminded her how important it was to follow the
doctor’s advice especially on the food intake since the doctor knew what was
best for her.
The argument went on for a
while. Sparks of disagreement filled the air. The house was witnessing a
calamity in formation. On one side there was this deep rooted desire to have a
simple food item and on the other side, stood like a rock, the strict medical
advice to avoid such an item. It was quite a tensed atmosphere for a while and
it almost felt like the New Year fireworks started a bit too early!
When everything seems to be
falling apart, just like Newton got hit with an apple, an idea struck Nisha!
Why not ask for a customized dish without the unsafe ingredient?! Strange
enough, among the barrage of arguments this simple solution never occurred in any
of our minds. It was the perfect thing to do and if this was known earlier, the
entire argument could have been very well avoided. Then again, certain things
are designed to happen in a specific way and happen it will, just that way!
New Year taught us a very
important lesson. It is quite natural to have a longing for many things in
life. Some of these may be permitted while others may be strictly out of
bounds. Before even you wage a war against a loved one for denying you an item
that is not permitted it is good to think why they say so. It is not out of any
vicarious pleasure that a dear one says no to you for something that is clearly
considered unsafe for you and your family. Many a times certain hard decisions
are taken keeping in mind the future of your togetherness. This could be true with
anything in life. This could range from a simple act of having a specific dish
to a most complex investment you make as a family. Apply your brain before your
heart, in such instances.
The other thing we were reminded
was, how essential it is not to react in such a situation. It is absolutely important
not to belittle the desire since it is quite human to have such needs and to
fulfil them as well. The moment both the parties decide to react, the situation
may really get out of hand and lead to further consequences rather than trying
to resolve the issue together.
A bigger point that
surfaced based on our New Year experience is the fact that we should always
think of alternatives. Not all problems may have ready solutions. On the other
hand, a problem need not only have a single solution. There could be many
alternatives which you may not see while you are busy arguing why something
should be or should not be done. While it is easy to say, it makes a lot of
difference to keep an open mind and think if there is a different way to
achieve a solution to your problem. Finding alternatives is an art by itself.
It has a science as well built into it. Again, give your emotions a bit of
rest, tell your heart to take a break and bring your brains to work a little
bit extra so that the logic takes precedence than trivial sentiments.
Last but not the least; it
takes a lot of effort to keep aside ones ego and to say ‘sorry’. When someone
does that, learn to appreciate it rather than adding fuel to the fire. A
genuine smile and an affectionate hug is all that may be required to bring an
end to your difference. At the end of the day, what should win is love. Your
love for each other has got no substitute. You’ve sworn in front of the Mighty One
to hold those hands together in any circumstance whatsoever, to love and live
forever.
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