Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Where’s My Space?

Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - March 2013
I had heard enough and more about the concept of space and how important it is in a married life. All the articles I’ve read till date have emphasized upon the need to give space to each other even though you promise to be together ‘until death do us part’. For someone who has been away from the family due to studies and job for almost eight years before getting married, to me this theory was nothing but an obvious aspect of married life.

I was a firm believer of this concept while I walked into the world of togetherness. Needless to say that I was in for some surprises since I was expecting the implementation of space in marriage at ease; this was not the case to be.I should admit that the individual in me got a higher priority during the initial years of marriage than the combined entity of ‘us’. Courtesy to the theory of space!

Soon, I realized that space is not the key aspect of life. We started discovering interests that were common to us. One of the biggest surprises that were in store for me was in the form of a TV show of which I had become a big fan during one of my assignments abroad in the US. The show being one which deals with criminal investigations with gruesome crime scenes, forensic science and autopsy procedures, the last thing I was expecting from my beloved was to come near the TV set while I was watching the show. To the greatest of my happiness she developed an interest for the show sometimes surpassing mine and our weekends became all the more interesting watching the show together with a much better vigor!

Multiple other experiences in our life evolved as we started rowing the boat of married life together. Many a things that were considered as ‘my interest’ became ‘our interest’. This was true for both of us. Be it the preferences for tea or coffee, having chappathy or rice for dinner, watch an English or Malayalam movie on a weekend; we were able to draw a middle line for these. These may seem very trivial, but once you start sharing your life with another person, tiny things like these may make or break your relationship. You need to be blessed enough to grow beyond these indifferences by finding the common grounds in the game of life you are in for together. As days passed by we didn’t even realize how ‘my space’ in our marriage was giving way to ‘our space’.

Finding ways of being together to share interests not only helps you develop an intimacy but also provides you with common topics to discuss. You’ll never be searching for something to talk when you have so much in common. These do not get created unless you put an effort to look beyond ‘my space’.

All said and done, we are not anti-space crusaders. There are hobbies and passions that we both cherish and find time to do that among all these. I love reading, probably a bit more than her. I used to crib initially that I do not get time anymore to do that. Now I find pockets of time here and there and it takes minimal effort for me to pick up a book and continue from where I left. She was keen to learn violin and found time to join a class while our little one was yet to stand on his tiny feet. We supported each other on these little joys of life.

In fact if I had used all the time I wasted complaining about not having my space, I would’ve done even more wonderful things than what I was able to accomplish otherwise! As I read somewhere, you became a couple to be that and not being single anymore. Knowing that there could be many things you could do together can be more fun than fighting for your space.

It is all about leading a life together and not two people sharing a house and calling it life.


  1. Wise words, Jerry..Well said and written...

  2. Four years back if someone had told you that you will be writing articles for Bethlehem magazine, and that too about married life, would have believed it ??? :)

  3. @Elizabeth: I always believed in the concept of marriage. But I could imagine my thoughts traversing a different plain if I'd written this four years back :) People & their thoughts will change over a period of time and if not you are either emotionless or dead!


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