End of an era

If you lived in India in 1980s or 90s and were old enough to write sentences, you must have used or at least seen something called Inland letters. These were sealable letters with stamps pre-fixed and people used them to communicate with each other by writing on these and posting them in a post box.

As someone born and brought up in Kerala, a small state down south in India, I predominantly used the language of the state called Malayalam. Though my schooling was in English medium, the routine usage of English was very rare and hence my vocabulary also was quite limited.

Having set the context, I now want you to picture this. A sixty year old man who lived in Bombay, present day Mumbai, at that time asking me to write to him regularly in English on Inland letters. Once he receives the letter, he’ll read them and correct my mistakes with red ink and enclose the corrected letter in a cover and affix stamps as required and post them back to my address in Kerala! All of this with just one simple and noble objective of making my English better.

Can you imagine anyone in 21^st Century to be so selfless, go all the way and take pains to help someone to this extend? That, ladies and gentlemen, was my dearest Kochappappan!

Kochappappan, how we affectionately called him, was my grandpa’s brother who hailed from Changanacherry, my hometown in Kerala. Soon after his college days he made Bombay his home. From the time I could recollect, he was always referred as Kochappappan from Bombay! Every year he used to make sure that he kept aside a considerable amount of time to come down to Kerala to visit his brother and relatives.

Unlike many of our other relatives, Kochappappan whenever he visited Kerala used to stay with us for a month or so as we were in the ancestral house along with my grandpa. I always looked forward to receive him at our small railway station in Changanacherry, where he’ll promptly arrive on Jayanti Janata, the express train that came from Bombay which stopped for less than a minute at our railway station.

I used to wait eagerly for Kochappappan’s arrival. One, obviously to meet him and listen to all the stories he had to say about his life and how he was a self-made man. He was the youngest of the five siblings fully aware of the fact that his eldest brother, by grandpa, shouldered the full responsibility of a large family after the untimely demise of their father. Kochappappan was all but a three year old child during the time when he lost his father. As he grew up he was quite keen on reducing the burden on his brother and tried all possible ways to make some money so that he could pay for his fees and other expenses himself rather than depending on his brother. He used to write to various magazines and made a little bit of money that definitely helped him with his plan.

There was one other thing I looked forwarded to his visits.

Kochappappan never came empty handed. He always ensured to carry at least two boxes decorated usually in bright red colour paper with yellow graffiti design on them. The boxes contained a treasure that you could only find in Bombay back then! One of them was Bombay Halwa and other was Bombay Peda. The former was a confectionary which usually came in a variety of colours enriched with nuts and dry fruits and latter was a sweet made of milk. Imagine a time when you could literally see and feel the taste of these wonderful confectionaries only once a year! Something that we who live in this modern day world of expanded markets cannot even dare to imagine!

There are quite a few stories about Kochappappan which I cherish deep down in my heart. The priceless moments spent with him during my childhood is deeply etched as fond memories in my mind and I’m sure will remain there till my last breath. Every time Kochappapan took the train to return to Bombay a feeling of emptiness filled my heart but at the same time the sweetness of waiting for him to come back next year always helped alleviate that pain.

On 26 Oct 2020, Jayanti Janata left for one last time with Kochappappan as the sole passenger for a journey without a return. The train left the station with only one destination, heaven!

May your soul rest in eternal peace dearest Kochappappan and thank you for bringing a big difference in my life with your presence!  

My Shoes Teacher

It had been a while since I bought a pair of leather shoes. So I decided the other day to go ahead and get a pair for myself. I had obviously tried it before buying and was quite happy about it. As expected I started wearing it to office the next day itself.

Day one was all good. The happiness and pride of getting a new shoes reflected fully on my face.

Day two, things started getting a bit prickly on the toes.

Day three, a slight bruise started developing above my heel.

Day four, the bruise gave way to a painful cut.

I started wondering if I did the right thing to buy this shoes. I was pretty sure I did all possible checks before deciding to buy the pair. Thoughts started flowing in of going back to the store to check with them what was wrong with the shoes.

Day five, since I didn’t have another pair to wear, I applied a plaster to the cut and wore the shoes again. It felt good, though still painful.

The story continued for a few more days and before even I realized my cut disappeared. The shoes made me feel so good that I couldn’t even believe that this was the same shoes that was painful for me. Now I can’t imagine going to the office without wearing this pair of shoes!

By reading the story till now, if you have drawn a parallel to a couple in a new relationship, don’t be surprised. While this may not be the case with all relationships, there are quite a few that go through such a strain.

As is the case with a new pair of shoes, everything will appear hunky-dory in the initial days. As the days progress, the couple may start experiencing a strain with respect to their shared life. This is quite natural, just like how the shoes started getting a bit prickly on the toes.

There could be times when the indifferences between the couple may escalate to a level where it turns out to be similar as the bruises or cuts given by the shoes. People at this stage start questioning about the choices they made with their relationship.

But don’t lose hope yet, since just like what happened with the new pair of shoes and your legs, it is only a matter of time before a truce is reached between the couple. There is a catch here though! A plaster on your legs did the trick with the shoes. What is the equivalent for this when it comes to relationships? You need a plaster made of patience and reduced ego.

When a plaster was applied to the bruises and cuts on the leg, it healed itself with time. In an exact manner have patience and give time to the bruises and cuts on your relationship. What appears to be an irreconcilable difference today will prove to be a matter of a simple misunderstanding if you give enough time to reconcile. Complement your patience with the virtue of an ability to reduce your ego. You will be truly surprised to see the wonders that get created in a relationship when you create a healthy mix of these two!

A word of caution though. These are things that every couple go through, new or old. The combination of patience and reduced ego may not come handy right from the beginning of a relationship. It may need to be cultivated as a habit over a period of time. What it requires is a conscious effort and an ardent desire to bring in positive changes to our life.

Just like many other life skills that we learn, this definitely is another life-saving skill that we all need to learn and apply all through our relationships. May you be blessed to acquire the skills of patience and virtue of reduced ego to enjoy a fruitful life together with your sweetheart!