Article for Bethlehem Matrimonial - Sep 2016
It will be quite an
interesting exercise to ask a question on changes in life to a married couple,
especially a few months into their marriage. I’m pretty sure many of them will
have stories to share about how life has changed for them or how their partner
has tried to influence to bring in a bunch of changes in their life. Never
mind, this is one of the most natural things to have happened to a married
couple.
Having said that, after a
few years into our marriage, during one of those looking-back-to-your-past
days, I had a major realization! There were a few things which both my wife and
I tried to get changed in each other after we got married. Needless to say we
both were ‘successful’ to a great extent. That did leave us with a handful of
changes that neither of us could influence the other to change and they
remained as is.
The realization I mentioned
earlier came to me a few days back. To my own surprise I figured out that I now
love some of those things which I wanted to be changed in my sweetheart! I was
not sure if I was prepared to face such a realization. Nevertheless it indeed
was a moment of truth.
Probably this isn’t true
for every couple. Then again no two couples are the same. Just that it works
for some and does not for others. Nevertheless the thought is worth sharing. I
now wonder how many such other things I may have made her change which would’ve
been worth retaining in its original form that one day in future I would’ve
started loving them!
If you are a new couple or
one about to be, it could be worth a try to keep this thought in mind. Realize
that it isn’t a necessity to insist your partner to change every routine of
theirs if you don’t approve it. Be informed that you might as well be changing
something which you would’ve liked, given some time.
Be aware that the aspect of
not resorting to changes is no excuse for changing the habits that negatively
influence people such as addictions, illegal activities etc. Those that need to
go must go. There are no two ways about it. The reference here is about those
habits or nature you see in your partner which you wish aligned to your interests
and hence you insist that they change them.
Needless to say, this act
of not insisting a change requires a lot of courage from both the parties
involved. While one is from the perspective of resisting the change, the other
more importantly is to keep an open mind and embrace the nature of their
partner as-is. This isn’t a simple task so to speak, a task that can probably
take ages to reach an acceptance from the more affected party.
It is a wonderful nature of
the human psyche that a seemingly least interested entity, be it a person, a
thing or an activity, can generate a lot of interest over a period of time.
Without you knowing it, you’ll be forced to start developing a liking to the
same entity you disliked in the past. This probably is one of the biggest
ironies of life! Hence you may just end up putting in a lot of efforts to get a
habit changed in your partner resulting in losing a wonderful experience you
may have in future.
Change is a constant as all
of us are aware. But ask yourself this question. Is the change that you are
insisting on your better half really worth it? Is this in fact something which
you may possibly love in future and see a benefit in doing that? If so there is
only one thing you have got to do. Keep the need to change to yourself. Give it
sometime. For all that matter, you might uncover a diamond which looks like a
piece of carbon today.
May the good God help you have a vision for future and bless you with such decisions that will have life-saving moments!
